Suddendly everything changed
by thedarkpassenger85
Summary: What if Alex and Liv's violent fight was only a dream? !CHAPTER 59 IS UP !REVIEW FOR MORE!
1. The ghost

**I don't own any of the characters everything belongs to dick wolf**

**Hi, every one this is my first story so don't hesitate to review and give me advice remember Im french and even if I live in london my english isn't fluent yet...**

_This scene takes place after the episode ghost trial in the safe house_

-"So what are you gonna do now" ?Liv asked with a bit of a butterfly in her belly she didn't know what to expect but she sure knew what she wanted her to reply

"Well I don't know I guess going back to the program is the smartest thing to do"

At that precise moment it was like Liv's heart just broke into pieces she tried her best to hold her tears : That 's exactly what she had feared she just got her back and she was about to loose her again,

"But..."

Liv didn't have the time to finish her sentence cause her phone rang...

"Benson, ...ok I see"

"What is it?tell me.."Alex could see on Liv's face that something happened, something terrible

"He's dead..."

"When?"

"He was found dead in his cell about an hour ago...Do you realize what that means?...As she was saying these words her heart filled up with hope again, hope but fear also cause what she felt was unusual because she s been single for so long and also so unnatural because she s never had feeling for a woman before..

"Yes I know.."As she realized she was finally free as she knew that all his gang was dead , she felt like the floor was jus breaking under her feet, she couldn't feel her legs, she couldn't stand up anymore...

"Alex are you ok"Liv said as she was literally falling in her arms...

"My mom died when I was in the program I couldn't even go to the funeral and now it's all over"as she said those word her eyes started to be filled up with tears

"I know sweetie everything is gonna be ok, Im here with you and I'm not going anywhere, you can let it go now..."

Liv was holding Alex in her arms they were both on the floor...They stayed like this for a while...And for Liv it felt like eternity, having Alex in her arms, comfort her she felt like it was everything she has ever wanted...And that was hard to accept for her I cause for the past 3 years she''s been thinking about Alex and knowing that she was alive but away from her was in some ways worse then if she was dead...She was scared by the way she felt about alex , she always saw herself as a very straight woman , unlucky one but she always put that on the fact that she was married to the job...It felt so scary for her but yet so natural to have Alex in her arms like that...All she wanted was to protect her against every bad guys in this world ,to keep her from suffering again, to make her feel safe again...

"Let's put you to bed you need to rest we'll see what we can do tomorrow"

"Can you stay with me Liv please?

"Of course, I told you Im not going anywhere"

As she helped Alex to stand up she could feel all the pain she was feeling but at the same time she felt all the relief...

"Hey I promise you now you're safe I wont let anything happen to you again"She whispered at Alex ears trying to whippe away her tears..

Alex has never felt this safe but also so vulnerable in her life...She's always been the strong time people saw her as the strong ADA who kicked asses in court but the last past few years she felt like she lost the power the control over her life ..But tonight she felt like she could have all that back have her life back and it was scary...But being in Liv arms felt so natural to her like if her place was right here no where else with no one else..

Of course she missed the whole team but the one she missed more was definitely Liv...She would sit on her porche imagining what she was doing if she was thinking about only for a few minutes here and there she would let herself dream about being with her smelling her perfume...Only for a few minutes before waking up and going back to reality...But right now it wasn't a dream it was true...Alex was troubled by her mix feelings she felt so lost but at the same time she felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be...

"Are you comfortable do you need any other blanket or anything to make you feel more comfortable?"

"well you could climb in bed with me and hold me again..If you don't mind"

"Of course not Alex"

As she was lying on that bed with Alex in her arms trembling after crying for so long and so hard...She wished this night would never end..Because for her that was the perfect moment with Alex, the one she s been hoping for...

No one was here just the 2 of them alone and vulnerable but yet stronger to be with each other..Liv knew that everything would be different the next morning because first she didn't know if alex was coming back or not and right now she didn't care she just wanted to enjoy this pure moment...Second she knew that as soon as they e would go back to reality she'd have to face her feelings for Alex...

The next morning Liv' phone rang

"Benson.. "

"How's Cabot?

"El it's you well she feels alright I guess she needs time to process and adjust...She's still sleeping"

"Is she coming back?"

"I don't know we haven't talked about it"

"You sound tired have you slept last night?"

"Not really..."

"Do you want me to take over"

"No Im fine Id rather stay with her.."

"ok I'll take care of the investigation about his death don't worry:

"Thanx El"

"You're welcome Liv anytime!"

A few minutes later Alex finally woke up awaken the smell of the coffee Liv has just brought...

"Hey sleeping beauty you're up..."The second she said that sentence she thought "Way to go Liv you're so dumb.

"Yeah Im sorry about last night I just lost it..."

"You don't have to apologize for anything, I totally understand...Coffee?"

"Yes thanx...I hope I wasn't to much trouble last nice I mean I know I move a lot during during the night...Probably because of being single for so long..

"No don't worry actually you didn't move at all..."

Alex thought "My god she probably stayed up all night looking after me..."

At the same time Liv tohught "Damn it Liv now she's gonna think you stayed up watching her sleep"

"Oh ok great...By the way have you heard about the guy who killed him?"

"Not yet but El is looking for him not that she really wants to but a murder is a murder..."

"Ok then..thank you"

Both of them wanted to talk about the burning subject: Was she gonna stay here or was she going back to the program?

Liv was so afraid of loosing her again that she preferred not to talk about it and Alex was afraid about talking about it because of the way she felt about Liv so didn't know how to bring the subject...She was scared Liv would reject her or that she wouldn't feel the same and as tact as never been her best quality:

"So do you want me to stay?"

As soon as she heard those word Liv's heart just stop beating and then when she tried to find the most appropriate answer her heart just started beating faster and faster..

"Well do you want to stay?"

"Answering a question by another question, very smart detective..."

Liv didn't' know what to say she wasn't ready to tell Alex what she really wanted , well to be honest she didn't know exactly what she wanted precisely. she needed time to think about her feelings and what she wanted from alex...So she decided to stay quite neutral no feeling should appear..

"Well, of course We'd all loved to see you come back we love Casey but you are the best ADA we ever"

"We?"

"The team.."

That's not the answer she was expecting, she was looking for a hint to see if Liv felt the same way she did or think she did

"OK.."

When she saw the deception on her face she wanted to say something but not too much not until she figured out what she was exactly feeling...but she didn't want to hurt Alex...

"Oh Alex please don't look so sad...I mean Of course I want you back, more then anything but I don't want to pressure you into coming back if you don't want you or if you don't feel ready for it,

"I want to come back but I guess Im scared I turned into a victim..."

"Alex you listen to me carefully"She said holding her hands..."You're not a victim you're the strongest woman I've ever met In my entire life you've got so much passion, so much compassion when you talk to victim, believe it when I say that in my book Alexandra Cabot is everything but a victim

"Thanx Liv..I guess I need time to readjust…Will you be there to help me?"

"Of course I ll be there all the way I told you Im here for you and Im not going anywhere..."

Review for more...


	2. The beginning of something real

Chapter 2: Flash forward a few weeks

Alex was working as a ADA again at least on paper, today was her first case back and she was nervous , she just received a call for a warrant and she came to the precinct to deliver it personally to the svu team...She hasn't seen Liv since she was back ...She needed time to adjust to find her place again in the big city...

"Come on Alex just breath you've done this a million times You're assistant district attorney Alexandra Cabot and you re here to deliver a warrant..."was saying to herself as she walked troughtthe door

"Hey guys I got your warrant you can go search the suspect's house and cars"She said as fast as she could without even breathing

"Hey look who's back welcome home counselor said Munch apparently happy to see her

"hey guys Im happy to see all of you again let's celebrate later we have a criminal to put behind bars"

"OK I'll go with Finn Eliot said, Liv you stay here looking in his past right

"yeah I got this go..."

As they were alone they both felt a little weird, they haven't talked since she came back but they both could remember that night when everything change they new their relationship had change but how exactly?

Alex desperately needed it, it was almost a physical need she needed to be with her to hear her see her smell her but she decided that she needed time to adjust and because she didn't know for sure how Liv felt she didn't want to risk to be disappointed ,she remember Liv's words but still she wasn't sure ...

"Hey Liv Im sorry I didn't call you... I had so many things to deal with you know…"

"I know don't worry , take all the time you need to readjust…I can wait..."

Those words and the way Liv said it were so comforting for Alex she felt like Liv would wait for her to be ready but ready for what?Ready to finally face her feelings?

"Ok but let me thank you for every thing you've done for me ..."

"You don't need to I didn't do anything..."

Truth was Liv felt like she really didn't do anything, she couldn't tell Alex of course but she's been having these nightmare ,she dreams about the shooting and overtime She looses Alex, no matter how fast she is or how hard she pressed the wound she looses her every time...and that almost killed her...even if she knew Alex was still alive.

"I insist let me cook dinner for you..."

"You cook now?"Liv asked her very surprised cause she knew alex was allergic to cooking she would only eat at expensive restaurant and also take out.

"Yeah I didn't really have a choice when I was in the program...So my house at 7?Bring dessert ok?'

"No Liv not that kind of dessert" Liv thought as she immediately thought about a very eatable but not appropriate way to have dessert.

"OK I'' be there.."

6.30

A luxury apartment On park avenue:

"Come on Cabot just breath, It's not like if you don't know her it's Liv you' ve known her for 10 years...and it's like it's a date".

Alex's heart was beating so hard she didn't' know why but she was so nervous , she didn't know what was going to happen or even what she wanted to happen...

"Oh my god I so need to wash my hair I look like a doll who would have spend time in the micro-wave..and these clothes (Large t-shirt and bagguy)they're perfect for a suburban housewife but not for a dinner in NYC."

As she was about to go upstairs to get into the shower and changer her clothes she heard the bell

"Fucking hell you cant be serious she cant be half an hour early..."Alex thought in her head while going to open the door

On the way she stopped to look at herself in the mirror and she didn't like what she saw...

"Hey Liv you're early.."

"yeah we nailed the bastard pretty fast thanx to your warrant he confessed easily and El said he would fill up the paper work so I left early, Im sorry..."

"It's ok I just didn't have time to change or wash my hair I look awful" Alex said shyly hoping that Liv would tell her otherwise...

"Oh come on Alex you look gorgeous as always"

As she heard these word alex's chick started to become a little red...It wasn't the first time someone paid her a compliment but this time it was different it meant the world to her...

"Thank you Liv...So here's my humble flat ..."

"Humble you're kidding me?It's a palace you re furniture only is worth more then my appartment..."

Alex never really thought about it but Liv and her come for two difference world: Liv was working class and herself came from a wealthy family...But she didn't' care all she could see what Liv's strenght ,, her compassion, her passion and this body she dreamed to hold in her finger...

"Yeah I know but it's a mess I still haven't had time to unpack..."

"It's fine you have good taste..."

"Let's go on the couch and open a bottle of wine,.. and I see you brought dessert"

"Yeah chocolate cake with white black and milk chocolate with hezelzut"

"Oh you remembered...My favorite..." Once again this little attention coming from Liv meant the world to me

"Of course I remember part of being a good cop is having a good memory and well when it''s about you let's say it's easier"

They sat on Alex's very comfortable coach..Alex really wanted to talk about her feeling to Liv but she didnt' know how and knowing herself she knew if she thought about it too much she would say stupid things...

"So Liv, how was Novak'?

"She was great, a bit cold at first..but then she stop trying to act as a boss and we went along quite well, At first she had issues working with living victims but she became more and more comfortable every..."

"Oh ok..I should have stayed where I was there I thought you needed me..."Alex said a bit desappointed

"Oh Alex" Liv said taking Alex's hand"Im sorry I didn't mean to hurt you..You know you're irreplacable…No ADA comes even close to you..You should no that...

"Yeah I Know but seeing you with her I felt like you really replaced me I didn't feel I didn't have my place among you any more"

"So why did yo come back?"

"Cause I couldn't be away from you anymore , I mean not the away from the team but Away from you Liv..I just couldn't take it anymore you were so far from me but at the same time It was like there was this connection Like I could feel you , hear you you know"

At that precise moment she realized Alex felt the same way that she did .She had 2 choices : run away or ignore the feeling or act like a growing up and face them...

Looking straight into her blue eyes she said(Still while holding her hand)

-"I know, trust me I know...I felt the same"

Alex realized too that Liv was feeling the same , she felt she happy and yet so vulnerable with her feeling that she could feel her hair on her arms...

"I thought it was just me that the feeling I had were just loneliness but the other night At the safe house when I was in bed in your arms I felt complete for the first time in a long time..Im scared Liv..." Alex whispered ...

"Hey I know how you feel this feeling how I fell about you is new for me I feel weird too trust me..but we have time to figure this out..Now that you're back we have all the time we need ok..."

"I know it's just a little weird for me having feeling for another woman"

"tell me about it..."

"I know "said Alex smilling

As Alex opened up Liv decided to open up as well.

"You know being away from you was terrible...like w big whole in my heart , in my life, I felt and still feel like I failed you I couldn't protect you"Said Liv her head down

"Liv look at me ...I remember that night you did what you could I remember you pressing my wound trying to stop the bleeding...and telling me to breath...If I had died I would have died with your face and your voice in my mind..I don't know any better way to die..."

"Don't say that please loosing you almost killed me"

"I know.." Alex said touching her face gently with her right hand, But Im back now as you said...

"I know and I know you must be confused about these feelings and a little disoriented so we could just slow things down and see how things are going between us..."

"Thank you..but I feel like I made you wait so long for me to come back to you"

"I could have waited My whole life for you Alex...It's ok I'll wait until you're ready take as much time as you need..Beside I have some thinking to do on my own..."

"Good we're on the same page, baby step"

"Yeah baby step.."

Alex never had any issue seducing guys she liked when she liked someone she just goes straight to the point but this time it was different, maybe because it was a woman she didn't really know how to do it or maybe just because it was Liv and because her feelings were so real...and stronger then she never had...


	3. Perfect Night

hapter 3

That night Alex and Liv had a really great time : they laughed talked abut everything just like two old friend who hadn't seen each other in years.

Around 1 A.M after 2 bottles of wine Liv decided it was time for her to go home...

She tried to stand up but Alex stopped her..

"There 's no way you're driving home you're sleeping here tonight"she said trying to force her to sit down...

"Are you trying to get me in your bed counsellor"? Liv asked not knowing of it was the alcohol talking or really her.

"Yeah exactly..."Said Alex not without a seducing look at Liv.

"Ok as you wish I won't argue with you , I can sleep here but I don't want you to take advantage of me so I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Actually I was wondering if you could sleep with me in my bed...I have trouble falling asleep , I guess I have to get used to the noise again."

"OK sweetheart I'll sleep with you tonight if you want."

As they were lying down in bed Alex said looking into Liv's big brown eyes:

"Actually I was hoping you would stay here tonight, I mean I felt so safe with you that night sleeping in your arms, I 'd give anything to feel this again, I know it's ridiculous..."

"No it's not come here" she said pulling Alex towards her, "I promise you I will always try to make you feel …"Liv said kissing Alex on her forehead.

"The only thing I need to feel safe is being your comforting arms..."

"Then you got it counsellor, My arms are all yours..."

"You know I love when you call me counsellor…"Alex said...

"I know you smile every time I call you that..." Liv replied smiling.

"You know what I'd really love to see ?"

"I thought we agreed to take baby step Liv.."Said Alex on with disappointed voice thinking Liv was already thinking about sex...

"Come on Alex Im not talking anything sexual...I 've always wanted to see you in your lawyer's robe"

"You've never seen me wearing it?" Alex asked intrigued.

"Nope never..And you see nothing sexual I just think you must look gorgeous in eat , I'm sure wearing it helps with your self confidence ..."

"Yes it does...So nothing sexual hum...?"Alex asked a little disappointed

"Alexandra Cabot, you really are a piece of work...When you think I was thinking sex you looked pissed and when Im telling you it's nothing sexual you look disappointed, You're some complex woman."

"I'm sorry Liv It's just as a woman I need to feel desired but at the same time I feel like what I need right now is affection, comfort and support.. "

"Don't worry Alex I understand and of course I feel desire for you, but I want it to be perfect..I feel like I've waited for so long for that to happen I don't want to screw things up with you like i did with my past relationships, and even if I have all this desire for you , I 'll wait for you to be ready don't worry, I'm perfectly happy with lying in bed with you cuddling..."Liv said in a reassuring voice.

"Thank you oh Liv I'm sorry I must sound so childish, Im 33 years old and I act like to 15 years old virgin..."

"A very hot and sexy virgin "Liv said trying to make her laugh...And it worked she could finally see that smile she could have died to see again just a few months ago...

"Well technically I'm a virgin..Since I've never had sex with another woman..."

"Don't worry I'll be gentle" Liv said with a big smile on her face.

"Does that mean you've already tried with a woman?" Alex asked worried about the answer.

"No I've never tried but I feel like it's not gonna be a problem we are pretty comfortable with each other so it should be natural...We'll go as slow as you need don't worry."

"My god you must think, I'm a prude and that I totally lack of confidence that's not the way you must have seen me until now.."

"First of all prude is sexy,second I know you need to build up your confidence again I know you're a strong woman, and I like to see the other side of you, Not the powerful and strong ADA that can defy the mob**, **but she woman who is fragile and vulnerable I knew you had this side in you and I wanted to see it...I didn't fell for you because you were strong even if I must admit seeing you kicking ass in court is really hot..."

"Thanx liv I know that's because of the glasses and the suit...It looks strict and it impress people.."

"What interresed me is what's under the clothes Alexandra Cabot?"(I know lame quote from one tree hill)

"I know it's hard for me to let go i felt it would make me weak to show my feelings.."

"No it makes you human."

"I know but the past 3 years in the program not only I had to hide my feeling but my personality, I had to reinvent myself..."

"Well madonna reinvent herself and see how great she looks..."

"I know but reinventing my self was hard especially cause some parts of me I couldn't erase, like you...If only yo could have been with me...

"I would have I were there with you in the program...:

"Don't be silly your whole life is here you couldn't just leave your life her to start from 0 there.."

"You're my whole life Alex living without was like not living at all..."said Liv with a tear in her eye.

"Yeah Liv don't cry, I mean I know I hurt you by living you like that.."

"I could have protected you from his from then why didn't you trust me?"

"I did and i do trust you but it was to dangerous for you the team, my family I couldn't take that chance...Will you forgive me..."

"If you promise not to leave me ever again.."

"Pinkie promiss…"

"Ok I believe you...,Im sorry I know the risk Im stupid..."

"You're not and I didn't even know you had these feelings for me, I thought I was only on My side.."

"It took me a long time to face those feelings, it took me to loose you to realize I ..."

"You what?"Alex asked with a little anxiety in her stomach.

"Please don't ask me to say it..I know you need to feel safe and everything but I'm sorry it's to soon.."Liv said her head down..

" It's ok babe , you know what?First we should sleep and second we should stop trying to put words on our feelings let's stop talk

, instead we should just live the thing .."Said Alex with confidence.

"Ok I think that's better for now..."

At that moment Liv wanted to kiss Alex but she didn't know if the moment was right there were in Alex bed both on their sides facing each other

"Alex?"

"Li..."

Liv didn't let her finish she moved toward her and put her lips on her and started to kiss her touching her cheek with her hand at the same time"

This kiss even if it wasn't a french kiss and even if it lasted only 3 second felt like eternity for them...

When they opened their eyes again all they could see was each other's eyes like if the whole world around them had disappear..

"Liv that was..."

"I know unexcipected" Liv said thinking oh my god maybe she didn't want me to kiss her..

"Unexpected but not unwanted..."

"Thank god I didn't know if it was the right moment...|"

"It was and it was perfect.."

They fell asleep like that in eachother's arms...

review for more!


	4. Baby steps

chapter 4 :

The next morning Liv woke up early and watched Alex sleep for over an hour before she woke up.

"Hey sleeping beauty...how did you sleep?"Liv asked looking in Alex big blue eyes still unable to believe how lucky she was.

"Don't tell me you were watching me sleep"Alex said covering her face with her hands.

"I know it's creepy but I couldn't help myself"Liv replied a little embarrassed.

"It's ok don't worry it's really romantic actually I just look terrible when I sleep"

"You mean the fact that you sleep with your mouth opened?"

"Oh no I so want to die right now " Alex said while covering her face with the blanket.

"Come on sweetie it's ok don't worry, please come out from under this blanket"

"No I will never come out"

"Ok I might just have to go get ya"

Liv decided to join Alex under the blanket it was total dark and she was now on top of her she couldn't see her but she could feel her skin under her fingers... she started kissing her and touching

her belly but quickly Alex stopped her nicely.

"Liv ?"

"Yes"

"Would you be an angel and make us some coffee please? I'll be there in a minute just the same to freshen up".

Liv understood that Alex felt a little uncomfortable with the situation but she knows she was proud so she decided not to mention it:

"Ok I see you really don't want me to see you without make up with your sleepy face."

"Exactly I want you to keep this perfect image of me, I know it never last but just for our first morning as a couple..."

" As you wish babe!"Liv said jumping out of the bed.

Liv went downstairs and started making coffee she couldn't get the word "Couple" of her head...Were they really a couple now?

A few minutes later Alex finally came downstairs.

"Sorry to keep you waiting " Alex said fixing up her hair.

"It's ok you look gorgeous". Liv said with a big smile on her face.

"Thank you Liv" Alex said moving slowly behind her, putting her arms around her hips...

"So any plans for today?"Alex asked Liv while starting kissing her neck.

"Catch bad guy you know the usual stuff..." Said Liv while putting her right hand on Alex while serving coffee with the other one.

"Tough job hum?"

"Yeah but I'd rather be me then them because the way you kick their asses in court is priceless, totally worth the trouble!"

"Thank you...how about if one day I kicked you ass, would you like that?"Alex asked moving slowly her hand from Liv's belly to her ass...

Liv immediately thought"What a change of attitude 5 minutes ago she was pushing me away in bed now she's offering to spank me and god now she's touching my ass"

"I wouldn't mind that at all babe..."Liv was trying to adjust to Alex mood swings...

" I taking note of that, So how do you want to play it, I mean at work?Alex asked Liv still kissing her shoulder...

Liv turned around took Alex's hand and said:

"It's up to you babe , I told you , we're doing this at your pace ok?"

"Well I think it might be a bit early to show our relation ship"

"You don't feel ready to come out ?"

" I guess it's hard for me I don't' want to keep us in the closet Im just not ready and besides If you were a guy I 'd say the same thing

going public at work with someone you work with is always tricky you know..."

"Yeah I know the guys would ask us, or me at least a lot of question...I just want to enjoy us just us without all the fuss it make cause"

Liv said starting kissing Alex...She knew alex wasn't ready to come out and that it would take time for her to accept that she was gay...

Herself didn't care about what people might think , well they already assumed she was gay...over 40 never been married still single with no serious relationship, likes to play with gun

the stereotype was easy to make. But Alex was the opposite, she was feminine,sophisticated,highly educated, coming from a wealthy family who certainly thaught her values...

And for Alex appearances mattered especially because of her political ambitions...Alex realized they were opposite to each other that she was way of her league and that she could do so much better

and that when realizes it she would break her heart. For Liv there was no way she would let Alex leave her...She was determined to be the best girlfriend possible, even if the obstacles were numerous.

She was determined to make it work...Even if it means going against everything she believed it, and being out and proud was something important to her but she decided Alex was more important...

"OK then you better go home and get changed if you want to avoid question on why you're still wearing the same clothes as yesterday"

"I know but I can be a little late I just wanna stay here and enjoy this perfect morning drinking perfect coffee with my perfect girlfriend"Liv said her forehead against Alex's.

"Girlfriend...I like the sound of that...and for your information I'm so not perfect..."

Alex was always trying to look impeccable, high fashion clothes, expensive shoes, serious glasses appearances mattered to her..and she liked the way Liv sees her, she thought highly of her and she liked it,but at the same time she could her weakness and it was scary for her but yet so comforting because with Liv she could be herself she knew it wouldn't push her away...

"Well I'd call you my bitch but I' pretty sure where you come from that's inappropriate…."Liv said with a naughty smile.

"Now you're really going to get your ass kicked..." Alex liked her sense of humour she liked that she could laugh to make things easier she was a bit of a child sometime but most of the time

she was very responsible trying to take care of her and she liked it but she hoped the burdon wouldn't be to heavy to bear...

"Anyway you're right I should go get changed"

"Well a few more minutes wouldn't hurt"

"Ok babe Im staying a little longer"

They stood there for a while in each other's arms until Liv's phone rang

"Benson.."

"We have a double homicide 3 blocks from your apartment I'll come to pick you up In 10 minutes ok?"

Liv didn't know what to say she was on the other side of town...

"Don't come Im not home..."she said trying not to sound to nervous .

"Where are you?" Eliot asked not without a curious tone in his voice.

As she was trying to find a good excuse she looked down at Alex who was still in her arms...

"I was out of town on personal business I'll be there soon ok?

"OK"

"WOW so much for keeping it quiet..."

"Well you wanted to say: Im at Alex's at the other side of town, we spent the night together and I barely slept because I spent the entire night watching her sleep and telling myself how lucky I was"?

"Oh Liv ..."Once again she touched her right in the heart..."You're so sweet I know you hate having to lie to Eliott he's your best friend and your partner, Im sorry that I made you lie to him..."

"It's ok babe I hate lying to him that's true so let's try no to put ourselves in a situation where Im gonna have to lie to him,hiding him the truth is bad but not as bad, I can live with that but

lying when he's asking is different...

"I know and thanx again for being so patient with me I feel like I don't deserve you , I fell like to baring the whole wait of our relationship on your shoulders , I hope it's too much.."

"It's ok Im strong, I can take it...Don't just focus on regaining this self confidence that I found so sexy on you..."

"Ok so I guess I will see ya at work"

"I yeah I feel like this one is gonna be a though one..."

'Ok babe see ya later"

Before living Liv made sure that Alex would think about her all day by passionately kissing her for as long as she could breath, Alex was so surprised by such a passionate king that she felt like her feetwere living the ground...And that felt so good she almost couldn't believe it..

"See ya later Cabot"Liv said leaving her apartment in a very cool self confident way...

"OK..." Alex replied still in shock...


	5. Like father like daughter?

hapter 5 flash forward a few weeks ...

At Alex's place...

"Hey babe Im home" Liv said has she went trough the door.

Alex was on the couch working on her plead to the grand jury, she didn't replied, she was pissed...

Liv moved towards her and bent over kiss her head but Alex move her head forward at the same time , she didn't want Liv to touch her tonight...

"Babe what's wrong?"She asked while sitting next to Alex who immediately stood up.

"Nothing, goodnight, I'm off the bed now."Alex said without even looking at Liv.

Liv was wondering what she had done wrong again to piss her off like that...She knew Alex was complicated before they started dated but not THAT complicated...

But she was determined to make it work...

Alex was in the bathroom brushing her teeth and getting ready to go to bed...

Liv passed her head trough the door not knowing if she should go inside or not...

"Alex talk to me please.."Liv asked a little sad.

"There is nothing to say Liv really nothing at all..."

"Are you pissed because I'm coming home late?"

"Now you got it, see didn't need to say anything."

Liv took a big breath, she didn't want her to get more upset so she decided to be as tactful as possible, she moved towards Alex and started putting her arms around her hips.

"Im sorry babe I couldn't come back earlier, I was stuck inside the IR with a suspect until he confessed, Im sorry..."

"You promised to come home early, I made dinner for us, wanted to surprise you .."

"Im sorry ok?"Liv replied while Alex's shoulder.

"How about Eliot? He could have done it right he's good to get confessions."

" I know but Katie had a problem at home with the twins they're sick so he had to go home, you know.."

"Look I understand that you want to help El because his family is important but I'm important too ok? You have to stop

covering for him so he could be with his family cause now you're with me and I need you home at reasonable hours."

"I know I'm sorry...How can I make up to you?"

"You can't,my back is killing me I want to go to bed"said Alex trying to escape Liv's arms.

Alex went to bed and Liv joined her a few minutes later..She lied down in bed next to her.

"Im sorry Liv."Alex said looking towards Liv, I just need to know I'm important for you that WE are important for you."

Liv put her hand on Alex's belly and said:

"You are important, you're what's more important for me, more then life itself..."Then she started kissing her touching her belly, she loved Alex whole body but her belly was so soft she loved it.

"I can give you a massage to make you feel better ."Liv said moving her hand towards Alex's breasts without even noticing she was moving it that far...

"Liv don't...You're going going to far with your hand please stop..'

But Liv didn't hear her she was taken in the flame of the moment...

"Jez Liv , do you ever stop thinking about sex?" Alex said while pushing Liv violently out of bed and getting out of bed herself...

"My god, Alex I'm so sorry I didn't realize my hand was moving I didn't do it on purpose I'm sorry..."

"It's even worse if you didn't know you were moving towards my breasts, It says a lot on how much you need sex, you can't even control yourself, it's almost a reflex."

"You're being unfair Alex, You know I never pressured you for sex, I've been nothing but patient with you, patient on everything actually,not only sex, I may have crossed a line,but this is unfair to

treat me like a sex maniac when I've been nothing but patient...And Im maybe naive but there is nothing wrong in having desire for the woman I love"

"Everything ?What you mean everything?

"You know what Im talking about"

"Oh yeah the fact that I wouldn't come out yet that I make you lie to your team, to your partner and best friend and to yourself..|

"Don't put it like that you make it sound like ..."

"Yeah like you're living in a lie, a living hell...If Im that terrible why are you still with me?"

Alex said sitting down on her bed..

Liv moved around the bed and kneel before her girlfriend...

"Alex please look at me...I told you before I can wait until you're ready to come out ,of course it's hard for me but I will wait ok?You have to trust me"

"I'm hurting you by forcing you to be like that to lie it's not you"

"Lying isn't me it's true, but making sure that my girlfriend is happy and comfortable in her shoes is my job it's who I am ok?I would do anything for you Cabot don't you know that?"

"I know I don't want you to think that I'm keeping you waiting for nothing that Im ashamed of us , that Im using you to get back on my feet and rebuild my self confidence and my life that I don't care about you"

" I know you're not using me, Im a cop remember I know when something is faking or lying and when Im kissing you or when you're in my arms and I look into those big blue eyes I know that you're sincere with me...For now hiding our relation ship Is ok I guess"

"For now it's ok but it wont be ok for ever"

"Probably not Im so happy and proud to be your girlfriend I want to whole world to know but I can wait ok..."

"I believe you but I feel like you need sex so much...And Im not ready for that yet...You know that right?"

"I know you're not ready and I don't need sex so much, I just want to make love to you ok? You could put a naked woman in my bed I wouldn't touch her , I only have desire for you ok?"

"I feel like you're pressuring me, when we kiss the way you're touching , my belly Im always scared that you would do like you just did moving up or moving down your hand if you know what I mean..."

"I'm sorry Alex it won't happen again"

"I feel betrayed Liv, I asked you to stop you didn't, If I hadn't stopped you myself , you would have touched my breasts or maybe you would have touched me down..., I know it's childlish or prude but I 'm not ready for you to touch me here yet" Alex said with her head down.

"Alex look at me Im sorry, I didn't know what I was doing , I would never touch you without your consent or force you to do anything you're not ready for, you should know that"..Liv said looking desperate cause she hurt alex.

"When you started moving your hand towards my breast did I look like I agreed to that...?"Said Alex a little scared...

"Alex please Im sorry please I guess I got caught up it the moment..."

"Yeah I know what sexual desire can make a person do..."

"Please Alex Im begging you, I would never force my way on you, Im not like them , Im not like him..."

By him she meant her dad, As much as she was trying to fight her genes, they were half one of an alcoholic and half of a rapist...

Liv immediately stood up when she realized she might just be like her dad...

"I'm so sorry Alex I….have to go."Liv said with terror on her face.

She left as fast as she could...She couldn't believe what she's done , and worse is that she didn't even realized what she was doing...


	6. Self Forgiveness

Chapter 6

So was Liv like her dad?Did she had the genes of someone bad?She spent her entire life trying to fight theses genes but can she really fight them, fight him...?

Liv came back home crying, realizing what she had done, she couldn't get that image of her head: The image of Alex scared of what she did and that she could do worse..

The only thing she knew would take away that image was to get wasted so she drunk.. a lot...

She now couldn't stop thinking about what her mom had told her about her rape...She wanted to know if she had anything in common with her dad...

On the other side of town Alex was in bed thinking about how much she must have hurt Liv, and the idea that she must think she's like her dad, a rapist, was killing Alex…

Thinking about it she realized she overeacted ...Her pride was hurt that was all...She was obsessed with having a total control over her life, so became such a control freak that

she couldn't let herself go in Liv's arms even if she wanted to...But in her stubborn head she wasn't ready to have sex with her, and in her crazy mind she wouldn't ready until everything was perfect

, perfect according to her...she knew she should let Liv drive a little bit but she couldn't…she didn't know how to..she spent so many years in WPP so now she needed total control over her life

The next morning Alex decided to go to the precinct to apologize and try to save her relation ship...

"Hey guys …"She said a little worried...

"Good morning counsellor" Eliot said with a quite happy tone.

"Where's Liv?"

"She called in sick she wasn't feeling well , the flu or something, why/"

"I needed to talk to her about a case, thank you ."

Alex went to Liv's place and it took her 10 minutes to knock on the door.

"Yeah I'm coming "Liv said still hang over.

She opened the door expecting it to be Eliott who always check on her when she was it was Alex…

"Alex: Liv said with a surprised voice.

"Liv, can I come in?"Alex say a bit shyly.

"Im not sure It's a good idea."Liv said trying to avoid Alex's eyes...

"A little hang over I see..."

"Yeah and you never know if sober I can do what I did I don't wanna know what I can do to you with a hangover..."

"Come on Liv I know you would never hurt me"Alex said moving toward Liv with a tear in her eyes.

" I did..." Liv said moving backward , disgusted by her action. "Please just go "She added closing the door.

but Alex wouldn't take that as an answer she opened the door to see Liv on her couch her head in her hands..

"Oh Liv…"Said Alex moving towards her.

"Liv look at me ." Alex said standing in front of Liv.

but liv kept her head down..So Alex decided to kneel before her...

"Liv look at me"She said putting her hand on Liv's face...

"Come on Alex, I can't look at you after what I did to you..."She said starting to cry..

"I over reacted , I'm so obsessed with getting my life back and having control again that I didn't' trust you to make me see what was right for us..."

"No Im the one to blame I mean I lost control I'm sorry , you should stay away from me.."

"Liv look at me I know you wouldn't hurt me , you' re not your dad ok"

Alex felt like Liv wasn't listening her head was still down she wouldn't look at her...So Alex decided to take the manner in her own hand she pushed liv towards the back of her couch and sat on her lap..

"What did you do that for?"Liv asked surprised buy such forwardness…

"You wouldn't look at me I had to do something.."

"I'm turning into my dad"

"Liv please stop saying that you're nothing like him, you're just very passionate which is something I love and beside I can't blame ,you to have all this repressed desire I'm not giving you what you want and need..."

"All I need is you...I don't care about being out to the team or about sex..."

"Really , so you don't want to have sex with me anymore"

"That's not what I said of course I do but it's not my priority, our love is what really matters..I love you Alexandra..." Liv couldn't believe what she just said...she never said it to anyone before...And Alex was so surprised as well.

"I love you too Olivia" Alex said benting over Liv to kiss her...

After a few seconds Alex started to unbutton her shirt still while kissing liv..

Liv stopped her suddenly...

"Alex, please don't…Im not good enough for you now you re forcing yourself to do this..."

"I'm forcing myself to trust you and to let go Im not forcing the desire.."Alex said taking of her shirt...

Liv couldn't believe her eyes she finally got Alexandra cabot half naked at her place willing to sleep with her..

"Please we shouldn't, you shouldn't have to do that..."

"I don't have to I want to..I already have you in my brain,my heart and I can feel under my skin, now I need and I want to feel you in me literally"

You're expecting some girl/girl action here?To bad you re gonna have to wait for a bit for that!


	7. Alex's coming out

Alex stood up and took Liv's hand saying:

"Come on detective let's take it to the bedroom..."

"Ok counsellor..."

They continued kissing on the way to Liv's bedroom, Alex was still shirtless and pushed Liv on the bed, Liv started touching her belling while kissing her but she quickly stopped:

"Babe what's wrong...?"

"Nothing Im just scared..."

"Of me?"

"Of us...of what this mean, it would have been so much easier if It had just been a sexual attraction I would have taken you to my bedroom a long time ago but it's so much more and it scares me to death...'

"It's ok Im scared too..."says Liv she was scared but she's never been so sure of anything in her entire life...

"Can you close the curtains please, Id feel more comfortable"

"Ok, Liv said not trying to be offended...I understand you don't want to see my body I get it I don't have the sexy body you have"She said standing or her way to the window.

"Don't be silly, I love your body I just don't want you to see me and my scar…..and by the way it's better in the dark you don't see but you feel more you know..."

"OK as you wish but you have a great body Alex…And I don't care about you scar..."

They started to kiss again . Liv tried to go as softly and as slow as she could but it was hard for her to restrain her desire for her.

She still had her right hand on her belly caressing it softly with her thumb,she was kissing Alex's lips and decided to moved down a little bit and started kissing a neck,bitting her skin a bit to increase herpleasure, she could feel Alex's hair straight on her body...Alex was quite silent but Liv can hear her breath and that was so exciting for her...

She continued to go down and starting to kiss her chest , she could hear her heart beating faster and faster every second.

Liv didn't know if it was ok to do that but she started to move her right hand to unbutton(which was to be unbutton at the front)Alex bra, Alex didn't complain so she decided to take her bra with her right hand and starting kissing her right nipple...She couldn't believe how soft and tasteful her skin was...But that was going to far for Alex.

"Liv please stop ..."She said almost crying...

"Ok babe Im sorry I'm moving to fast for you..."said Liv trying to be as tactful as possible.

"No it's not you it's me" Alex Said while standing up and put back her bra..."It's not that I don't want to or that I don't like what you were doing, Problem isn't sexual it's psychological, I just can't let go, I can t let myself go.''

"It's ok babe "Liv said in a reassuring tone kissing her shoulder,Sex is all about control and if you can't lose control to let me drive you and guide you we shouldn't have sex yet, it's ok I'll wait"

"Bt you want it so bad..."

"Yes I want you bad but all of you not only your body..."

"I also want all of you Liv"

"You already have my heart, my soul and my body….I'd give it all up for you"

"Thanx Liv, Im sorry I cut you at the wrong moment"

"It's a bit frustrating but it's ok, I can wait, I'll just have wet dream about it"Liv said with her naughty eye...

" You're some woman Olivia Benson, I cant stop hurting you and you stay calm and patient, I cant believe my luck"

"First you're not hurting , nothing can hurt me as much as leaving away from you..."

They stayed in bed together holding each other, with their clothes on ...

The next morning , Liv felt a little worried the more time passed the more she loved Alex but the less she felt she was good enough for her, She felt like Alex was way of her league and that she didn't had it in her to make her happy...

"Hey babe" Alex said a little bit uncomfortable.

Liv immediately took her into her arms and hold her very tight and whispered:

"I love you so much do not worry about last night ok?"

"Ok.."Alex whispered ,she felt so good right now, she expected Liv to be disappointed or frustrated about happened last night..but she wasn't.

And for the next few weeks Liv did everything she could to hold her urges and her desire...

A few weeks later In Alex's flat early morning:

"Benson...ok..Be right there"

"Oh come on Liv it's saturday ..."

"I know but murderers and rapists don't know about days off, I have to go..."

"Just 5 more minutes" Alex begged.

"Im sorry I have to go El said the victim was dump in Queen but killed here in Manhattan and the Queen's ADA is on our back to get the case away from us..."

"In that case you need me , give me a minute to get dressed"

"Let's be realistic honey, you need at least an hour to get dressed"

"Very funny..."

"That s what you're with me right ?, for my sense of houmour"

"No, Im with you for your ass..."

"Not that you're using it much though..."Liv said a little be offended by Alex's sense of houmour..

It's been 3 months and they still haven't done it. They kissed and cuddle a lot and Alex wasn't so defensive, she would let Liv caress her belly and her breasts a little bit but she still hadn't been into her pants yet ...

They wouldn't talk about it cause it would end in an argument or in frustration, but Liv was ok with it . Actually she has a lot of desire but they were so happy that it was ok for her.

"I know babe , Im sorry.."said Alex her head looking down

"You know it's not a problem, Im happy with you, it's all that matter, I even got used to your sexy pyjamas..."Liv said kissing Alex's forehead.

A few minutes later at the precinct Alex came in to the squad together.

"So who's the bitch who wants to steal my case?"Alex said with her very strong and confidence voice...

"That would be me, ADA Marlowe, you must be Cabot I heard about you , Mac Coy says you're a pain in his ass"...Said the Queen's ADA.

"Well I'm gonna be a pain in your ass if you don't back off my turf" . Alex said In a very offensive way...

"Why don't we calm down and work this out as professionals." Munch said tried to separate them ...

Liv couldn't help herself thinking that she was gorgeous and the way she defied her Alex was kinda hot.

"Come on Liv she's mean to Alex she's the enemy...do not fantasize about her..." Liv thought to herself.

"Munch is right, let's work this out, anyway your victim was killed in manhattan so she belongs to us, period but you can help out if you want..."Liv said trying to stand up for her woman.

"And you must be detective Benson, I've heard about you, you're even hotter then people say..."Marlowe says with a naughty look at Liv...

Liv's face turned red...She immediately look at Alex , she could see the anger in her eyes...

"And now she's hitting on my….detective."Alex said moving toward Marlowe ready to strangle her...She realized her tongue almost slipped...

Liv felt flattered that Alex was so jealous and protective over her but she tried to separate them again...

"Ladys please calm down..'

"YOUR detective?Are you guys dating or something?."Marlowe asked knowing that if it were the case Alex wouldn't out herself...

Liv started to feel butterflies and anxiety in her stomach, was Alex gonna come out for her?This would be the perfect moment...

"Of course not, but these are MY detectiveS, my team , my squad, I'll take the lead on this..."

"Ok Cabot as you wish..."

"Thanx so much for the "Of course not "babe ."Liv thought immediately, she realized that Alex was way of her league, how could a smart hot looking rich lawyer would like about a woman like her, working class regular woman.

If Alex had so little respect for their relation ship she would pay her the came curtesy...

"Come on counsellor, how about we go see our ME and see what she can tell us " Liv said looking at Alex with a little of bitterness..

A few minutes later at the morgue...

"Ada Marlowe, Queen's homicide"

"Dr Warner nice to meet you..."

"So doc what do we got"

"Well this one should be an easy one the perp let her DNA all over her and judging from the violence and extend of her wounds he's not a rookie.."

"Cause of death?"

"Dehydration..and her stomach was empty as well'

"He starved to death.."Marlowe asked...

"Yes ...DNA result should be back tomorrow, I'm having some technical issues sorry..."

"Don't' worry we can wait...we still have to ID the poor girl"

"Ok see you later doc.."Liv said.

"So what's the deal with Cabot anyway"?Marlowe asked pretty straight forward...

"What do you mean...?" Liv asked trying to act like she didn't know what she was talking about..

"Don't play dumb with ,benson you know exactly what Im talking about.."

"Yeah sorry, forgive Alex she's always been overprotected over us, especially since she got back from the program"

"Must have been though on her loosing her life like that...and then having to readjust…"

"Yes it was , it was hard on all her us you know we all felt like we failed her, not being able to protect her..'

"Don't beat yourself up you did your best..Let's go for a drink, shall we?"

"Im not sure that's a good idea ..." Liv said her looking at the floor.

"Why?Because Cabot wouldn't approve?"Marlowe asked .

"I don't want to betray her you know".

"Come on it's not like you're dating right...I mean she said you weren't dating.."

"You 're right Alex and I are just friends and I should be able to go have a drink with whoever I want!"Liv didn't even know what she was doing she loved Alex she didn't to cheat on her or to hurt her but it was nice to feel noticed by a gorgeous woman and who wasn't afraid to hit on her in public...

So after a few drinks at around 11pm Marlowe decided to start to question her:

"So, is there a Mister benson?"

"Nope". Liv said a little more comfortable then she was at the beginning of the evening..

" A Mrs Benson maybe?"

At that particular moment Liv didn't know what to say, not coming out was a things but lying and denying her sexuality when asked was another matter…Well that was exactly was Alex did...Even if she didn't want to ...

"Nope, Im married to my job..."

After a few other drinks Liv decided it was time to go home, not Alex's place like always but to her own place.

"I think I better go I have to wake up early tomorrow."Liv said standing up.

"Do you need a lift?Marlowe asked hoping Liv wouldn't say yes...

"Im fine Ill take a cab, good night Counsellor."

30 minutes later Liv was finally home she heard a voice coming from no where.

"You slept with her?"

It was Alex sitting in the dark waiting for Liv.

"My god alex you scared me how long have you been here?"

"A while , I called you you didn't pick up , I was worried ...So I came here you didn't answer the door, I assumed you were with her..."Alex said a bi desappointed.

"Im sorry,my phone was off...And yes I was with Marlowe , we had a few drinks..."

"You didn't answer my question, you slept with her?"Alex asked with a tear in her eyes but also a bit of anger...

"Come on Alex , It's not like we're dating right?." Liv said a bit annoyed while entering her apartment...

"You're mad with me I get it...But what did you expect me to reply?Yes we're dating and I'm madly in love with her?"

"Come on Alex, it's not the fact that you denied it ,it's how you denied it "Of course not" Like if I was a piece of garbage,a low life looser that wasn't good enough to date Alexandra Cabot the rich,educated sexy ADA...

At the sound of these word Alex couldn't hold her tears anymore...

"Is it really what you think?That Im ashamed of you ?That I think Im so much better then you?"

"Let's face it Alex you and me are not in the same league, we're not even in from the same world"Liv said with bitterness in her voice.

"Come on Liv you think it matters to me that you weren't born with silver spoon?"

"You sure act like it..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"|

"Come on Alex you never come to my place, and your attitude even at work screams that your social class come on face it.."

"Well Im sorry if my attitude hurts you ,I don't even realize Im like that so pretentious as you seem to think...And I never come to your place because it closer to work it's easier ...

"Look I know you're so much better then me, and everyday I thank god for giving me someone way of my league someone who smarter, richer and hotter then me and you know it so sometimes it feels good to be noticed by someone, someone who 's paying you a compliment and in public non the less.."Liv said

"Oh Liv...if only you could see yourself through my eyes or even El's eyes you would see that you're a gorgeous, smart talented compassionate woman and that Im the lucky one in our relationship..

"you sure don't act like you mean that...You like the fact that I feel like you re better then me because I treat you like a queen and it flatters your ego..."

"Oh Liv please stop saying that, of course I love the way you treat me and It's true you treat me like I'm the most precious thing on earth and that's why I love you, you take so great care of me, it's love not my ego...

"Please Alex I need to go to bed and think about all this..."

"Do yo mean you need to go take a shower to get rid of her smell...?"

"Alex stop..."

"Please Liv tell me you didn't sleep with her "

"After all we've been trough you really think I would cheat on you?And none the less with someone I just met?What kind of person do you think I AM?"

"I'm sorry...I just need to hear it from you...I need you to say you haven't banged her..."

"If you really need me to say I didn't cheat on you, it means you still don't trust me and that everything we've been trough was for nothing..."

"Im sorry Liv I just don't trust myself and as a result I don't trust you and I feel like I'm not giving you what you need so I'm scared you 're gonna find it with someone else.."

"Damn it Alex you just can't stop thinking about sex don't you?, I told you I DO NOT CARE about waiting, I have needs like everyone else but I would never cheat on you just to satisfy them ok?"

On the other hand your attitude at the precinct that would definitely push me into someone's else bed but no I didn't sleep with her even if she wanted me and made it obvious nothing happened!Happy..."

"Of course not..Liv please Im sorry Im so proud to be your girlfriend I shouldn't have act like that forgive me please.."Alex said trying to reach out to Liv..

"Just go Alex…please" Liv said rejecting...

"Ok as you wish but know that I love you and that Im sorry.."

Alex was in her apartment thinking about what she had done...she was gonna loose her for good and she couldn't stand that idea...she needed to do something..

The next morning Alex was on her way to the precinct, she took a deep breath before coming into the squad room:

"Morning guys have we any idea on our victim's name yet?"Alex said trying catch Liv's look but she was avoiding her...

"Still no luck, she isn't in the system and Dna on the perp is still in work since Dr warner has issue with the machines."Eliot said feeling the tension in the room.

Marlowe was here and for her that's was the occasion to once again open her mouth:

"Maybe I should bring my team from Queen, Im sure they can help."She says with her usual arrogant voice.

"Just shut up you bitch, my team is the best and our record is way better then yours so back off, Oh and next time you want to invite my girlfriend for drinks and try to sleep with her please just remember I was sent to WPP for defying the mob so Im not afraid of you."Alex said with a strong and confident voice, she was not gonna let some bitch insulting her team and hitting on her girlfriend..

At that precise moment Liv 's face turned red and she stood up to say;

"Alex ...you .."

"I didn't see that one coming."Eliot said with a little smile on his face...

"It's ok Liv, I almost lost you last night, well I probably did lost you...so I don't have anything else to loose, so yes guys Liv and I are dating and we're in love,she saved my life literally, when I got shot she kept pressure on my wounds and she kept me from bleeding out, when I was in the program the thought of her kept me alive and when I came back her love brought me back to life for good"Alex said with tears in her eye moving towards Liv.

"Liv I love you, I'm sorry for the way I behaved with you, I'm so proud you chose me over any woman you could have been with, I'm proud and flattered, I never thought i had a shot with you, you're way to good for me and Im sorry for keeping us in the closet for so long.I lost you once I don't wanna loose you again please..."Alex said begging her to forgive her...

"I love you too Alex, I'm sorry about last night , you're the one I love ok..."Liv said kissing Alex.

"That was quite a coming out , congrats to you two you both deserve it, damn it Liv I knew it , I knew it...Alex if you hurt her ,I will kill you and no marshall will be able to keep you safe ok?"Eliot said with his over protective big brother attitude.

"I wont", Alex said holding Liv's hand

"Jez you 're so retarded all of you?Just look at them of course they're in love I saw it the minutes I came in!"Marlowe said.

"You listen to me you superficial home wrecker pathetic fake blonde looser,get the hell out of my squad,Im officially taking this case away from you..."

"Look at me carefully Miss Cabot I was kicking asses in court when you were still in high school so back off."

"You back off, Liv said she could't stand someone insulting her girlfriend, just go ok? "

"OK as you wish but just remember everything you told me last night..."

"Oh I forgot If you ever insult my team again dying your grey hair is gonna be the last of your problems.."Alex said...

"Ok guys let's go back to work no" Cragen said .

"ok " Alex said looking at liv"

"That was hot babe, now I really wont be able to hold myself..."Liv whispered to Alex's hear

"Don't worry you wont have to anymore..Your place after work Ill bring dessert.."


	8. Perfect first night

Chapter 8 : Perfect first night:

A few hours later at Liv's place

"Oh my god, she's coming and it looks like she's ready for sex..What if I cant satisfy her?she must be hard to please she's always so demanding so of course she's demanding in bed..Liv stop panicking, Alex loves you..."Liv said to herself trying not to panic...

Liv didn't have time to put her self together , bell rang...Liv took a big breath and opened the door...

"Heya..."Alex said with a very sexy voice

"I like these shoes ..."Liv said thinking "Damn that's the dumbest thing you could ever have said..."

"I hope you do, they're from Manolo Blanick's spring collection 400 bucks.."Alex replied thinking "My god she already thinks you're posh damn it Cabot!

Liv looked at her feet a, she was wearing a 5 years old pair of converse...

"Well let's say this Manolo guy is a lucky man"

"Why is that?" Alex asked quite intrigued.

"Is the only man I would ever allowed to touch my wife's feet.."Liv said pulling Alex in the apartment.

"Wife?I like the sound of that..."Alex said starting to kiss her...

"Well I figured we're way to old for girlfriend and partner sounds so..."

"Conventional?"

"Yeah...well I'd call you my bitch but Im sure that where you come from it's quite inapropriate…"

"Liv!"Alex said quite shocked.

"Sorry..."Liv said kissing her trying to make it up to her.

"Well everyone knows you're my bitch not the other way around..."

"Yeah I'd do anything for you Alex you know that..."

"I know and right now,there is only one thing I need you to do for me or to me..."Alex said...

"Let's take it to the bedroom counsellor..."Liv said staring to kiss Alex's need while pulling her into her bedroom..."

"Damn I love when you call me counsellor"Alex said starting moaning..."Oh Liv I want you so bad..."

"I know and ever since you came out I can't get your naked body of my mind ...The way you shut Marlowe's mouth was damn hot..I wanted to take you on my desk right there.."

"Yeah I know babe I saw the look on your face..."

Now they Liv was sitting on her bed and Alex was standing in front of her...She started to unbutton her shirt while kissing Liv.

"Hold on Babe.."Liv said stopping Alex...

"What's wrong?Alex asked a bit disappointed thinking Liv didn't want her anymore...

"Are you sure you're ready for this?Cause I'm not sure I can take rejection again, Last time was hard on me, I mean you were there almost naked and I was so excited..."

"I know babe I'm sorry for that, I got scared but I'm really ready for it now trust me..."Alex said pushing Alex on her bed..

"So Alex do you trust me or do you prefer to tell me exactly what you want.."Liv said teasing her...

"Oh would you just shut up and just make love to me already..."

"As you wish counsellor.."

Liv gently took of Alex shirt,they were both lying on Liv's bed...

"Would you like me to turn off the light or close the curtains again?"Liv asked...

"No babe, not this time I want to look at you in the eyes when we make love..."

Liv started kissing Alex 's cheek and slowly move to her ears and started bitting it gently...

"Oh Liv ..."Alex moaned...

Liv could feel Alex heart beating faster and faster and she loved hearing her breathing louder and louder...

Liv expected Alex to stop her again but still, she wanted to try to unbutton Alex's pants...She then moved back her hand on Alex belly and nicely moved it higher

to finally reach her breasts...She slowly took off her bra..And for the second time she couldn't believe how gorgeous her breasts were, perfect size, perfect shape

and they tasted so good...She started to lick Alex's nipple while slowly moving her hand towards the inside of Alex pants...She couldn't believe it she finally reached the sacred grail...

"Liv..."Alex said trying to catch her breath.

"Oh come on Alex you promised" Liv said'a little desappointed…

"I know, it's not that I just want you to take your clothes off please..."Alex said a little embarrassed…

"Oh sorry I thought..."Liv said even more embarrassed…while taking her clothes off...

"Oh Liv I knew you had a great body but wow I love what I see..."

"Thanx babe..."Liv said moving back her hand into her pants...

She couldn't believe how wet Alex already was...She decided to take her pants and panties of and started to caress her legs still licking and kissing her nipples...

"Oh Liv, I knew you were talented with your tongue but I didn't expect that..."

"Thanx babe and you haven't seen anything yet..."

After a few minutes of foreplay Alex suddenly said...

"Babe..."

"Yeah..."

"What are you waiting for...?"Alex asked kissing her...

"What do you mean?"Liv asked a little intrigued...

"Don't get me wrong I'm loving what you're doing to me, but I'd love you to get to the point now..."

"What's that supposed to mean"Liv said playing dumb...

"Oh come on Liv you know what I mean, just go down on me already!"Alex said over excited.

"As you wish counsellor, I was just trying to do things slow...""

"I know babe thank you for the consideration but I know you want to do it and I want you to do it too...I mean Do you want to do it?"

"Alex of course I want to go down on you, I want to feel you under my tongue, I want you to come inside my mouth... I really do.."Liv said moving slowly towards Alex private parts...

She gently started to caress Alex clitoris (which was really wet)and then nicely started to kiss and lick it ...She could feel Alex breathing harder and harder ...So she decided to insert a finger Inside her, then two...Until she could feel Alex's body started to be really tensed...She then decided to move her tongue from Alex's clitoris inside of her...Moving it as slow as she could...

"Faster Liv, Liv faster please..."Alex begged...

"Not so fast counsellor you made me wait for it, now it's my turn to make you work for it..."Liv said with her naughty smile...

"Oh Liv My god just don't stop..."

Liv was enjoying herself and she couldn't believe what she was doing, she's never been with a woman before and she was scared she wouldn't do it right, but apparently

she was doing it right...really really right...She continued to move her tongue forward and backward inside Alex until she felt that Alex was gonna come...So she moved her tongue on her clitoris and started

to lick it really slow...Until she could feel Alex body having a kind of big spasm as She was finally climaxing...Liv didn't stop when she felt Alex climaxing…She just pressed her tongue even harder on Alex's clitoris...

Alex body was trembling, it was quite a powerful orgasm Liv just gave her and It seemed like it last for ever...

"Oh babe, that was...I mean that was..."Alex said breathless.

"Perfect as I wish it would be..."Liv said moving gently towards Alex's slowing kissing her belly...

"Oh Liv don't tell me you've never done this before...it was probably the most intense orgasm I 've ever had In my entire life..."Alex said still trying to catch her breath...

"Nope you're the first woman I make love to and the last..."Liv said starting to Kiss Alex...

"I love you so much Liv , you've given me so much...It's like you always know what to do and how to do it..."

"I know Im a mind reader..."

"You're are...So did you like it?|

"Oh yeah I did, I really enjoyed driving you crazy and feeling you from the inside is a sensation I will never forget..."

"I'm happy you enjoyed tasting me my love but now it's my turn ..."Alex said moving quickly on top of Liv...

"It's ok Alex you don't need to do that..."Liv said.

"I don't need to I want to I want to taste you..I want to feel you..."Alex whispered at Liv's hear while gently touching her breast...

"I know you want to satisfy me but trust me I had plenty of satisfaction already, don't worry...tonight is about you ok..."Liv said moving back on top of Alex again...

"Are you sure... I mean I know you enjoyed it but probably not as much as I did.."

"Nobody ever told you it's the trip that matters not the destination"

"You're so poetic babe ...So Im gonna do what you want but trust me, next time I'm gonna come down on you, and I'm gonna make you come really hard trust me"

"I know...I trust you if just touching you gave me so much please I can only imagine what you touching me could do to me...I love you Alex Don't forget ever forget that.."

"I know I love you too detective..."Alex said...

They spent the night naked in each hother arms...


	9. Back to Reality

chapter 9: Back to Reality :

Alex slowly opened her eyes...

"Hey sleeping beauty..."Liv said kissing Alex's forehead...

"Hey babe, of course you were looking me sleep...right?"

"yeah , and I must say it was nice not to see you having nightmares for a change..."

"Im sorry for that Liv, I must keep you awake but nightmares aren't as bad as they used to be thanx to you...and besides I was way to tired to have nightmares.."

"Don't apologize,I'm here for you I like holding you when you scream you immediately calm down, I like to think that's what Im here for..Make you safe...and giving you multiple orgasms.."Liv said not without a certain pride...

"You certainly reached both your goals dear...Last night was...I mean I knew it would be good but that good..."

"You're right it was perfect, and may I say that I always suspected you of being really loud because of the way you use your voice in court...but I didn't expect you to be THAT loud, you 're a screamer Cabot...!"

"Oh my god I just wanna die now..."Alex said while going under the blankets...

"Come on babe it's perfectly natural, we've been holding this desire for so long..."

"I know and it was perfect, you were perfect, I thought I wouldn't be able to let myself go..but you made me feel safe and comfortable thank you Liv...I love you.."

"Stop thanking me please...I'm glad you felt comfortable I must say I was a bit scared that you wouldn't be able to make you relax and enjoy yourself..."

"You were actually right ,everything went as easily as I could have dreamed, It went naturally we didn't have to think about what to do or how to do it, we just knew, I mean YOU knew cause you did more then I did..."

"Don't say that you did a lot, I told you even if it was our first time we've known each other for so long that it would be easy...but I was scared I know you're hard to satisfy in general..."

"Well I just have high standards...and you well let's just say you reach them beyond expected...I just wished I would have you know..done more to you..."

"Please Alex I don't need anything else then what you already gave me..."

"Yeah but what you did to me,when you came down on me, that was so good I just wanted to do it to you but I just don't know if I would know how to do it..."

"I know, I don't need you to do anything to me ...if you're not ready, when you're ready you will know how to do it trust me.."

"Well not everyone is a natural like you, by the way are you sure I'm the first woman you even sleep with? I mean..."

"Alex, not only you're the first woman I sleep with but you're the first woman Im in love with, actually the very 1st person Im truly in love with, believe me..."

"Ok...I believe you...so were you tempted by Marlowe?...I mean she was quite straight forward with you...and quite attractive as well.."Alex asked Liv quite scared of the answer...

"No, I was never tempted by her because she was to straight forward for me and because I love you and I wanted my first time to be with you..actually I love you but I m not really attracted to other women.."

"Me neither it's so weird I' ve never been attracted to women before I met you but with you it's not attraction, it's love you know..."

"I know...How about we spend the day in bed..?"

"OK, motion granted..."

They spent the day in bed naked..in each other arms...If that wasn't paradise what was?

It was perfect as in a dream but Liv knew that their relationship wouldn't be a piece cake...She knew Alex had control and jealousy issues and that it would take time for her to make her change...and she also knew that even if came out to the team it would take time for her to come out in public or to her dad for instance...

After a few hours of cuddling and sleeping alex suddenly woke up to the sound of her stomach...She sat on the bed ready to stand up when Liv stopped her...

"Where do you think you're going..."Liv said putting her arms around her hips...

"I'm hungry ,I really need to eat something.."

"I really need to eat as well but not food it you know what I mean..."

"Liv come on cant you hear my stomach?"

"Yes I can but there's nothing in the fridge I have to go do some grocery shopping..."

"why doesn't that surprise me?"Alex asked putting her glasses on...

"Come on you're the take out queen..."

"I know we should order in..."

"How about sushis ?I Could eat them on your naked body..."

Alex felt a bit embarrassed she felt like Liv loved sex more then she did...

"I'm sorry Alex I didn't mean to sound like a sex maniac again..."

"It's ok Babe it's great to see that after everything you see all day long you still have desire and fantasies.."

"When Im with you every dark thought just leave my mind , I don't think about abduction, rape or murder, I just focus on us..."

"I know I feel the same babe..."

"Let's order just choose anything you want ok?Menus are in the kitchen counter.."

"Ok..."

"Before I go in the shower may I say Im so happy that you're here at my place?"

"I like your place it's comfy..."

"Well it's not a 3 bedrooms flat with a jaccuzy and a view on central park but it's home"

"I know you've been living here for ages you really like this place?"

"I do, I've been living here ever since I made detective..."

"So what happens if I want us to move in together will I have to move in with you?"Alex asked a little worried...

"You make it sound like it would be awful to live here in my neighborhood…"

"Of course not it's just..."

"You're used to higher standards…"

"Yeah ..."

"Well I wont be able to pay half the rent of your place that's for sure..."

"The day you move in with me I'm not gonna ask you for anything come on..."

"Look Alex I know you have money and it's fine by me but if one day we move in together I want to pay my share ,So you'll have to compromise...and find a place I can offered and that better then my place.."

"Come on Liv don't be like that money shouldn't be a problem, I mean I make a good living and it's not like Im offering to be your sugar mama you know but you take such good care of me , I just want to take care of you too you know..."

"Yeah right and taking care of me means paying my rent?Look, no offense Alex but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!So if my humble flat isn't good enough for her majesty well too bad cause I love my place!So get used to it"Liv said in a very aggressive voice...

"Oh babe Im so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you Im just..."

"Then back off Alex and stop trying to buy me ok?"

"You really think that's what Im trying to do?Buying you?Buying your love?"Alex replied a little bit shocked.

"No but money is clearly an issue between us and for once I d like us to do things my way?"

"And which way would that be?When we have kids do you want them to go to public schools just because YOU can't afford private schools on your cop's salary? or are you gonna put your ego and your pride aside and do what's best for our kids?"Alex said in a very defying way...

"Kids?Are you serious?"Liv said in a very emotive way...

"Yeah right is that off limit too?"

"No I mean I never thought you would want to have kids with me I mean..."

"Of course I do, I want the all package : marriage, kids and nice house in the suburbs….don't you?"

"Of course i do it's just I don't know..."

"Your problem is that you to take care of everything and everyone, and I love that about you but you're not superwoman you can't do everything ok?"

"I know I just want you to feel safe and take care of everything you know.."

"I know and I feel safe with you in our relation ship and in general...I never thought I would feel this way after being in the wpp for so long..."

"I know babe and Im sorry for being a jerk...I will have to learn to do things your way and in my head Im only protecting you and taking care of you and I'm not gonna change . And bout the money situation we'll see when we need to talk about money and now we should just focus on us.."Liv said kissing alex on her forehead.

"I love Liv and I don't want to change who you are , I that you are so protective over me...You're right let's talk about money when the time comes and when it's appropriate and anyway we'll do 50/50, period"

"Mention granted counsellor 50/50 is a good compromise!"


	10. Happy Anniversary

chapter 10:Happy Anniversary:

A few months later it was their 6 months anniversary…Liv had surprised Alex to her favorite restaurant, a nice and expensive Italian restaurant. She wanted to ask her to take her step further in their relationship by asking her to move in with her but she didn't know if Alex was ready for that .

"Thanx babe for bringing me here .."Alex said .

"Your welcome , I know it's your favorite place and I wanted our 6 month anniversary to be special…"Liv said taking Alex's hand..

"It is special, I can't tell you how magical these past few months have been for me, you literally brought me back to life, I finally start feeling like I'm myself again and I owe it all to you…"Alex said with tears in her eyes…

"It's been magical for me to, like a dream and even if we had our share of obstacles but we always overcame them and our relation ship is just becoming stronger…What I mean is that I love you Alexandra Cabot and I just can't imagine my life without you, Actually I can cause I lived it, I spent 3 years without you and It wasn't living it was only surviving for me , I don't wanna spend another day without asking you If you would…"

Liv didn't have time to finish her sentence, Alex brutally pulled her hand away from Liv's and and stood up yelling:

"I can't , I'm sorry I can't do that, it's too soon , I'm not ready to marry you, I love you and I don't want to loose you but please... I just can't please don't make me do this…"Alex said crying…

"Alex , calm down,I would never pressure you to marry me or to do anything you don't want to do, I know you're not ready to get married , I wasn't gonna propose, I was just going to ask you to move in with me." Liv said trying to reach Alex but she couldn't , Alex was moving away from her…

"I'm sorry, I thought you were going to …. I mean you brought me to my favorite restaurant, the love declaration…I just thought…"Alex said trying to wipe the tears off her face...

"Yeah and by the way you reacted Im happy I didn't proposed, thanx for being honest and showing me what an horrifying idea marrying me is…"Liv said with a bit of bitterness in her voice…

"Liv I'm sorry for the way I reacted, marrying you is scary but no horrifying, you misinterpreted my reaction."

"No trust me I didn't, the look on your face said it all, but It's my fault right?How could I ever dared to imagine you and me spending our lives together…I'm sorry I forgot we're not in the same league"..Liv said throwing a few bills on the table…

"Liv please stop Im so sorry…I never meant yo hurt you ,once again I over reacted…You're right we're not in the same league, you're way better then me and that I could ever imagine deserving…"Alex said trying to stop Liv from living…

"Oh come on Alex I've had enough of your bullshit…That's the way you do things right?You pay me compliments, you make me feel like I deserve you to boost my self esteem so I would fall more and more in love with you and think I don't deserve you even more so I would treat you like a princess …Well guess what? I'm sick and tired of trying to be good enough for you,Im sick of treating you like a Queen,like you're so much better then me.I've always felt inferior to you Alex but tonight you made me feel like I'm worthless… I'm not that person, I'm not the kind of woman you can train and treat like a pet, I love you Alex but it's over….We're done!"Liv said leaving Alex crying in outside the restaurant…


	11. Desperate Move

chapter 11: Desperate move:

Author's note: The next few chapters may surprise you a bit, I don't think any of us would imagine Alex the way I will describe her in the next few chapters. The whole point is to make her a pain is Liv's ass…Your already read that but it's getting worse…

And may I remind you that english isn't my first language so please for the love of god stop criticizing my grammar or my punctuation or if you do try to write in french or spanish and then we can talk!

Once again Alex found herself in her apartment crying wishing she had done things she felt like she couldn't control her reactions, especially with Liv . It was like she wanted to react a certain way but she reacted the opposite way. She felt like she was out of her skin watching someone else taking control over her own body…She didn't know why she reacted like that with Liv or why she was such a control freak and why she acted so superior when she truly believe she didn't deserve Liv….

She needed to fix it she didn't know how but she HAD to cause she knew she wouldn't survive without her…

2 weeks went by and still no sign of Liv, Alex started to worry, so she asked the Captain where Liv was and he told her that she took some personal time for a week and then she went to a profiling seminar in Quantico, Virginia…When she heard Liv was back in town she decided to pack her stuff and go to Liv's place to apologize and accept her offer…

She knew she had to get rid of her pride and her attitude if she wanted Liv to forgive her…so she kneeled and knocked on her door…

A few seconds later Liv opened the door…

"Please Liv forgive me I'm sorry…"Alex said quickly said as Liv open the door…

"Oh come on Cabot give me a break!"Liv said closing the door on Alex's nose…

Alex decided she needed to take the matter in her own hands and for once in her life listen to her heart rather then her head…So she just forced opened Liv door…

"And now you're breaking and entering you want me to arrest you?"Liv said really annoyed by her attitude….

"Liv please forgive me ,see I brought my stuff I'm ready to move in with you if you still want me…"Alex said trying to reach Liv, but she wouldn't let her touch her…

"You don't love me, you love having me!Now leave me alone , I don't won't to talk about you or see you outside of work, you hear me…?"

"Is this what you really want?Don't you love me anymore…?"

"That's the problem : I love you and it's killing me, being treated the way you treat me is killing me…go away…"

"Then I have no choice". Alex dramatically said taking a gun out of her purse.

"What the fuck Cabot ?Put the gun down …"Liv said a little scared…

"No Liv I can't live without you, and can't live knowing that I hurt you that much…"

"Would you please put the gun down, you're scaring me…and where did you get that gun…?"

"I got it when I was in the program, when I came back I put it in a safe deposit box, I knew I wouldn't need it as long as I was with you…But now I should just shot myself…"

"Alex please don't do that…"Liv begged...

"Oh don't worry It doesn't hurt that much , I'll just make sure I don't miss the heart this time or at least what's left of it…"Alex said putting the gun of her chest…

"How many bullets do you have? Cause I swear if you do it I'll be right behind you, you hear me?"Liv said moving slowly towards Alex…

"Oh Liv ,I'm so sorry for everything, I love you more then life itself, I know I hurt you, I'm sorry I just don't know how to be with you…nobody ever thaught me…"Alex said falling on the floor, bursting into tears…

"It's ok, I'll teach you…"Liv said reaching towards Alex and taking her in her arms…

"I'm sorry, I just can't ,I don't know how please forgive me…"

"It's ok babe…"Liv said taking the gun of Alex's hands…

"I hurt you so bad, I'm so sorry I want to be with you I want to move in with you and to marry you I swear….I just don't know how…"

"Come here babe." Liv said taking her to her bedroom…

Liv took her on her bed so she can rest and lied next to her…

"You were really gonna kill yourself over me?"Liv asked…

"I'm already dead…."Alex whispered….


	12. The 5 stages of grief or loss

chapter 12 :The 5 stages of grief or loss:

The next morning:

Alex woke up with her clothes on and her face wet…

"Hey you…you slept 14hours straight…I guess you needed it…"Liv said kissing Alex's forehead…

"Oh Liv, I'm sorry for everything…"

"It's ok…"Liv said trying to calm her down…

"No, it's not…Ever since I got back from the program I tried to have my life back and to do so I just became a total control freak…I mean worse then before and I thought It wouldn't last but it did and I treated you like shit just because I needed to control everything.."

"I understand, we've talked about this, you need to take control of your life I get it…but you tried so hard to be the master of your life that you didn't even take time to cope…You just came back raised your head and moved forward without looking back…

"I know and last night I finally let go…"

"Yeah…you wanna talk about what you said..?"

"What , that I was already dead?"

"Yeah…If you really meant that I'm sorry, I knew you were hurt by everything that happened to you but I never realized you were THAT hurt, I should have seen it, Im sorry Alex…"

"Don't be I have a good poker face…I've always been good to keep things to myself…"

"But why…?You didn't trust me?"

"I do trust you, It's just you fell in love with ADA Alexandra Cabot a strong ,independent woman, not a weak woman …"Alex said with a bit of shame in her voice…

"Oh Alex you still don't get it…I don't love the ADA I love the woman that's behind that, the fragile, vulnerable , human woman that I saw crying hearing a little girl testimony…And admitting you're hurt isn't being weak..it's quite the opposite it takes more strength to admit your fears then hiding them trust me…"

"Oh Liv…You always knew what to say to make me feel better…Can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you?"

"I don't know Alex..Your hurt me…I'm doing my best to be understanding with you but the more I try the more you just disrespect me…I don't think I can take much more of this…"

"Does that mean we're not back together?"Alex said…

"I'm sorry Alex…I can't , you promised you would changed…but you never did…This time I just can't I'm sorry…"

"Please Liv I can't do this without you…"

"And I'm gonna continue to help you, I just can't be with you anymore Alex…not until you're better…We rushed into relationship, it was too soon , you weren't ready.."

"That's what my shrink told me…"

"What else did she said…?"

"She said that ever since I got back I was going through the same stages as someone who just lost someone would be…And up until last night I was in denial…"

"Now I guess you're in the anger stage…"

"I guess…She said I shouldn't be with anyone for at least a year..which is the average time to go trough the 5 stages..."

"Funny just like addicts…you know, they're not supposed to date anyone for the first year after they're sober just to avoid they would replace the addiction by love or sex…"

"Well in my case it's the same…"

"Then you have to do what you shrink says, she knows better.."

"Come on Liv It took me 6 months to reach the second stage, how much time do you think it will take to finally go to the 5th stage?I just can't leave without you for that long…I won't be able to succeed without you…"

"Don't worry I'll be here every step of the way , I promise…We just won't be together…"

"Will you wait for me?"

"Yes, Alex I will wait as long as it takes…"

"Even if it takes a year?"Alex asked a little worried…

"I already waited 3 years for you to come back to me …I love you Alex, I'll wait as much as you need ok?Just focus on getting better, I'll be there when you are better…"

"I can't ask you to wait for me again, I can't….keep you from being happy…you deserve to be with someone that loves you and who deserves you…"

"That person is right in front of me, I told you I don't want to be with anyone else other then you…"

"How will you do for sex?….I mean….You have needs…cravings I should say…"

"Stop trying to make everything about sex, I waited several months before sleeping with you right?You know sex isn't the issue…. but letting you go is the hardest things I'll ever do in my whole life but it's what's best for you so , Don't worry about that ok? I'll wait for you…"

"I'm not sure I can do this…I mean working with you,seeing you, smelling you, spending time with you and not being able to kiss you, touch you or make love to you…I'm not sure I have it in me to just be friends with you…"

"Then, I'll be strong for the both of us…"Liv said kissing Alex and caressing her hair...

"As usual…"


	13. Therapy session

chapter 13:Therapy session:

For the next few weeks they both did their best to keep things strictly professional…

But it was hard especially for Alex, overtime she sees Liv she had flashbacks of their life together…When she was at the precinct she would just stay as close to her as possible just to smell her hair and she would close her eyes and remember the taste and texture of Liv's skin, the sound of her breath, the movement of her hips when they made love…It was hard for her not to touch her…But she needed to focus on her recovery and besides she knew she couldn't hurt Liv anymore and that they couldn't be together as long as she wasn't herself again…

"Alex?Alex ,can you hear me?"Liv said reaching Alex's arm…

"Yeah I'm sorry…you were saying…?"

"Where were you?I mean you stood there listening to us and you didn't object to any of it which is unusual…"Liv said a little worried…while taking her aside...

"I was dreaming….I guess…or trying to remember how my life was before I screwed up everything…"

"Oh babe I'm sorry you wanna talk about it?"

"Not now but maybe later.."

"Ok, Im at your entire disposal counselor…"

"Please don't call me counselor it just brings me too many good memories…"

"Ok Alex…"

"I'm sorry it's just hard for me being here and I can see you smell you but I can't touch you or feel your skin against mine, it's hard…"

"It's hard for me too you know but we can do this ok?Everything is gonna be ok, you hear me?"Liv said trying to convince herself...

"Yeah…there is something you could do for me…"

"Tell me…"

"My therapist wants to see you."Alex said a little worried about Liv's reaction…

"She does?"Liv said a little surprised…

"Yes she knows I have things I need to tell you, to explain to you…Things I told her but I don't know how to tell you"

"Alex, you should know you can tell me everything…nothing you can tell can make me love your less ok?I can take it don't worry…no matter what you have to say I can hear it…"

"I know and that's was scares me…you being to strong I don't want to hurt you anymore.."

"Then do what your shrink says and talk to me… By the way I thought she didn't like me and now she wants to see me?"

"I never said she didn't like you , she just thinks that I should focus on my mental health before I can be in a serious relationship…And besides she knows that without you I would never make it, she knows you're the key of my happiness…And my life is gonna be with you…She just wants me to take my time…"

"I get that…So when is it?"

"Today at 3 pm…"

"I'll be there…"

"I'll come pick you up, I have this motion to file…"

"So you were actually listening to us earlier…"Liv said smiling…

"I'm maybe blonde but I can multitask…"Alex said living the precinct...

A few hours later at Dr Miller's practice..

"Nice to meet you Detective"Dr Miller said welcoming Liv into her office…

"Please call me Olivia…"

"Ok Olivia let's sit down , shall we…"

"Sure…"Liv said…

"Why not "Alex added quite nervous while sitting on her therapist's coach…

"Alex ,look at me, everything is gonna be ok this office is a safe place ok?Don't be afraid to tell me what's really in your heart…"Liv said taking Alex's arms to reassure her…

"Do you do that often?"Dr Miller asked Liv…

"I'm sorry…?"

"I mean reassuring Alex when she's nervous…and trying to make things less scary for her?"

"Well yeah, I like to think it's my job to make her feel safe, and I know what you think that I'm keeping her in a bubble where everything is safe and by doing that keeping her from facing reality…"

"You read my mind Olivia.."Dr Miller said not really surprised…

"Well let me assure you that I 'm not keeping Alex from reality, as you know I'm the one who broke up with Alex because I thought it was best for her…Leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever done but I knew it was best for her not to be with me so she could focus on getting better…So we could be together again in the future…"

"That's very brave of you…What do you think Alexandra?"

" I think Liv has always been the bravest one between the two of us…"

"Don't say that Alex you have more bravery in your little finger then you can ever imagine…"

"Please would you stop saying that…"Alex screamed…

"Come on tell her how you feel…."Dr Miller gently asked her.

"Liv, I love you but you just don't see me for who I really am"

"What 's that supposed to mean…?"

"I used to be that strong and powerful ADA that could just defy the mob without thinking about consequences but I'm not anymore , when I was forced to join the program I lost total control of my life, I just lost myself…Mostly because you weren't there…"

"But I'm here now…"Liv said.

"I know but I'm not who I used to be I don't know how to be that person again, I don't know if I can ever be that person and that's what scares me : that you would stop loving me If I can't find my way back."

"I told you I love you for who you are right now, it's true I fell in love with the woman you were 3 years ago but I still love you even if you're not that person anymore…Nothing can change that ok?I told you a million times I love you for who you are right now and besides I know you're still the old same Alex deep down you still are, problem is you don't believe any of this .."

"I'm sorry Liv..I just don't understand how you could love the person I became…"

"Well I do…Why don't you believe me?I mean how can you doubt it for a second?"

"I don't know…"

"Well overtime I make love to you, don't you feel it ?"

"I guess I do I just…I don't know…"

"Liv tell me why you love Alex.."

"Well, despite what she may think she's the strongest woman I've ever met and she's also sensitive but I don't know I just love the way she makes me feel , when I'm with her I fell like I can be myself and I feel free and complete…"

"What about you Alex…what do you love about Liv…"

"She's my guardian angel she saved my life and…You know what this is bullshit!I just can't do this…"

"Do what?"Liv asked.

"This, I mean hurting you and I'm making you wait for me again…You deserve so much better then wasting your life waiting for me…"

"Don't say that Alex…."

"Why ? It's the truth, I made you wait 3 years for me to come back and now I'm making you wait again…You should find someone else Liv…"

"It's ridiculous you know I don't want anyone else but YOU!"Liv screamed a bit annoyed….

"Wait a minute, I thought you only started dating when you got back from the program?"Dr Miller asked…

"Yes we did…"Alex and Liv replied at the same time…

"But you just said that you made Liv wait for 3 years, call me dumb but I don't get it…Did Liv know you loved her when you left ..?"

"No she didn't and I didn't know she loved me either…"Alex replied.

"Well actually we didn't realized we loved each other until…"

"Until that look…"

"What look?"Dr Miller asked a bit intrigued…

"Before the Marshalls took me away I had the chance to say goodbye to Liv and Eliot…"Alex explained…

"And when she went into the car we looked at each other…"Liv continued…

"And then we knew what we were about to loose…"Alex finished…

"It was over before it even started…So trust me Alex when I say that I can wait for you, you know when you were in the program that overnight I would look at the start hoping you were doing the same thing and every time I 'd blow a candle or see a falling star I would make the same wish…"Liv said….

"So what do you think Doctor?Are we a lost cause?"Alex asked.

"No, it's quite the opposite…You have something people can look their entire life for: You have someone that loves you more then life itself , someone who's willing to wait for you…I 'd say you're both very luck you have each other but I maintain what I told you: I don't think you should be together until you solve your personal issues…"

"And why is that?If I may ask…"Liv said.

"Alex clearly loves you but she's not ready for a serious relation ship…It's too intense your love is too intense...

She told me what happened at the restaurant and believe me if you have stayed together it would have happened again…"

"I'm not pushing her you know, I thought she was ready."Liv said trying to justify herself.

"I know she told me, but for now Alex isn't ready to be with you, that's my professional opinion, as understanding and patient and loving as you seem to be a long term relationship is hard work and right now Alex needs to focus on herself, I'm sorry…"

"I understand and I agree…Alex do not worry about me ok? I'll be fine we both gonna be fine.."

"I hope so…I can't loose you again…I won't survive it this time…"

"I know me neither…"Liv said looking deep into Alex's eyes...


	14. A new woman In Liv's life?

chapter 14:

A new woman In Liv's life?

For the next few months they tried their best to stay away from each other until this particular case:

"So what do we got here?"Alex said entering the Precinct…

"12 years old mexican immigrant found dead in central park"

"And you are…?"Alex asked.

"I'm sorry, Officer Morales…I'll be working this case with you …"

"We needed someone who speaks spanish and mine is quite rusty…"

"Come on Liv your spanish is fine trust me."Officer said touching Liv's arm…

At that particular moment Alex's face turned red and she could feel the anger and jealousy passing thought her entire body…

"Oh my god the bitch is touching my Olivia, If she doesn't back off right now I'm gonna kick her ass…"

Officer Morales was a very attractive young woman in her late 20's , long dark hair and apparently really fit…

"Alex?Alex?"Liv asked moving towards Alex….

"Yes "?

"Are you ok?"

"Yes why?"Alex said looking at Morales like if she was gonna kill her…

"Oh oh I know that look, she had the same look on her face when she finally came out and kicked Marlowe's ass…That's bad news"Liv immediately thought…

"Alex you come with me you guys go on…We'll be right back."Liv said quickly grabbing Alex's arms pulling her aside…

"What are you doing Liv ?"Alex trying to escape …

"I'm trying to keep you out of trouble…."

"What trouble are you talking about?"

"Come on don't play dumb with me…I saw the look on your face when you saw Morales…"

"Where did you find her?On the cover of Hot Cop magazine?"

"Don't be silly, we worked together on a case a few weeks ago and she told me she was interressted in special victims and we kinda connected so when we got that case I called her…Thinking I could use her skills…"Liv said trying to calm her down…

"Her physical skills I presume…"Alex replied a bit angry.

"Her spanish skills…"Liv said trying to calm Alex down...

"Oh so let me get this straight : you met her weeks ago and today you needed a spanish speaker and of all the hispanic cops you know you remembered her, or are you seeing her…?"Alex said in a very accusing tone….

"Wow I see your over priced therapist is really helping you …"Liv said annoyed by Alex attitude and thinking that they would never get back together…

"I'm sorry Liv I saw with her and I just …"

"What ? Assumed I was banging her?"

"No…but you look friendly and in my destroyed mind if you're closed to another woman it means…"

"It doesn't mean anything….I told you I'd wait for you…but maybe I shouldn't…"

"Please Liv, I've been working hard to get over my jealousy and control issues, I snapped It won't happened again, I swear..And If I thought you found it hot that I 'd kick another woman's ass for flirting with you…?"

"That was when we were together, we broke up remember?"

"I know I don't have the right to keep you from seeing another woman…Look , would you have dinner with me so we can talk?"

"I'm sorry but I have plans for tonight.."

"Let me guess you 're having dinner with her…"

"Yes, she wants to make Detective and I promised to help her…"

"It's ok…"Alex said with a tear in her eyes…

"Come on Alex, you know it's really hard to find a cop willing to work at SVU , so when I spot one…"

"I know…Don't worry, I'll be fine"…Alex said leaving the precinct holding her tears…


	15. Temptation

Chapter 15: Temptation:

A few hours later at a little restaurant in Manhattan:

"So Detective what's the deal with the ADA?"Morales promptly asked.

"You always so straight?"Liv asked a bit surprised by such forwardness.

"Yes I am expect when I have a gorgeous woman in front of me…"Morales said with a kinky look...

"And you have a sense of humor …"

"Thanx, so tell me, If you want to ,don't feel like you have to…"

"It's ok, I don't mind sharing…Well Alex and I were dating ever since she got back from the program but we broke up about 3 months ago…"

"Why?"

"Let just say she had issues and it was best for her to be on her own to solve them…"

"I understand being in the program for 3 years must leave some scars…"

"You got that right !And as much as I love her it was best that she focus only on her recovery…"

"I can't imagine how being away from you can be a good thing…"Morales says while moving her hand toward Liv's…

"Trust me it's what's best for us and it's killing me , sometimes I feel like she's never gonna find her way back to me…."Liv said trying to hold her tears…

"Don't worry if you're meant to be together she will…"

Later this evening outside the restaurant…

"Can I give a lift home?"Morales asked Liv.

"No thanx , I'll take a cab…But thanx…and thanx for the talk I needed it…"

"Well I'm here if you wanna talk or if you need anything else if you know what I mean…"

"I get the message but I want to stay faithful to Alex…"

"You have to right to think about yourself and to be happy and to relax too, not everything is about her…"

"I know and trust me you're gorgeous and in other circumstances…"

"I get it, it's ok but I'm not giving up…Not until I finally get between your legs."Morales said moving closer and closer to Liv…

"Come on I'm 10 years older then you , you can do better then me…"Liv said trying to move away from her...

"I don't care about your age, all I know is that you're smoking hot and that I just want to….."

"Hold that thought please…I just can't ok?"

"OK I'll see ya later then…Good night."Morales said leaving Liv with dirty thoughts in her minds…

Liv decided to walk home , she needed to think…She didn't like the way she felt about Morales…She was so attracted to her, it was the first time she was attracted to another woman other then Alex…She didn't want to betray ALex but Morales was right she deserved some comfort...


	16. Second chance

Chapter 16: Second chance….

The next morning:

"So how was your date?"Alex asked Liv while entering the precinct.

" Come on Alex.."Liv said trying to avoid another confrontation.

"It's ok Liv, I realized something while in therapy: You're always the one that fights for me that proves me how much you love me, who scarifies herself for me and now It's time that I fight for you as well…I love you and I' m going to prove that I've changed that I can take care of myself and that I can take care of you too and that I won't hurt you again it won't happen over night but I'm patient…"Alex said with determination.

"Alex you don't have to I told you I will wait for you…"Liv said .

"Yes but the more time passes the more I feel like we're driving apart and I hate it but I m gonna win you back Olivia Benson…"

"Oh Alex you won me a long time ago but it's true that I'm moving away from you sometimes I just feel that…"

"Don't say it…I won't hear that we can't overcome this…We overcame death remember?So have as many dinners as you wish with Morales I know she doesn't mean anything to you….She clearly can't compete with we have..I don't have anything to worry about…And as for her physical appearance, she's clearly attractive so if you want you can…"

"Thank you but I don't need your permission to sleep with someone if I wanted to…"

"I know you don't owe me anything we broke but…"

"As I said If I wanted to…"

"Well if you want to you have my blessing not that you need it but I learned in therapy that I have to accept the things I cannot change, have the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference…"

"Damn, your shrink is really into AA stuff…"Liv said ironically.

"Laugh all you want but she's right I have to accept the fact that I probably lost you and that you may never come back to me.I also need to accept that you might actually be crazy enough to forgive me…And that you actually love me even if I'm not the Alex I used to be "Alex said very quietly…

"I take back what I said, she really is helping you, you sound different, you sound…"

"In peace?"

"Yes…"

"Well I am, I am way pass the anger phase now, I know I can't control your desires for another women and also I can't force you to trust me when I say I'm better now…"

"I want to believe you Alex I really do…"

"The only way for you to discover that is if you give me a chance…"

"Tricky isn't it: The only way to see if I can trust you again is to actually trust you…"Liv said smiling.

"I know and I'm not asking for a second chance right now…"

"You're not ?"Liv said a bit surprised.

"No, I'm not ready yet…I know I still have work to do before I can be with you again…I just hope that you will still be available then…."

"I hope so too…You know the feelings I have for you are always gonna be here, but the pain as well…I'm sorry…"Liv said.

"I know and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you hoping one day you will forgive me and accept to continue where we left off…"Alex said trying to be as courageous as she could…

Liv was shocked : for the first time she actually felt like Alex was really starting to change, starting to take control of her life and most important she felt that she was willing to trust her…Liv knew that Alex came that far she couldn't risk screwing everything up for her…She needed to keep to her promise to her and stay faithful, even if she couldn't stop thinking about Morales…

"Anyway I just wanted to give Eliot his notes for the trial…I will see you around…"

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"I'm happy you feel better…"Liv said without looking at Alex, because she knew that if she did she couldn't resist kissing her….

"Thanx for your support again it means the world to me…Have a good day…"Alex said leaving the precinct…Knowing that Liv still loved her but also that she was still hurt and that making it up to her would be a real challenge...


	17. Happy Anniversary II

chapter 17 : Happy anniversary II:

3 months later Alex woke up alone…She looked trough the window and noticed it was raining…Today was a special day: Today a year ago Alex and Liv kissed for the first time: She could remember it as If it was yesterday: She had invited Liv over for dinner and Liv got a little drunk so she asked her to stay and they slept in the same bed and talk for a while and then out of the blue Liv kissed her…It was the best kissed she ever had : sweet and romantic…At the thought of that night Alex began to cry, she decided to call in sick for the day…

At the opposite side of Manhattan Liv was doing the same thing: Lying in bed thinking about Alex…She wanted to call or or see her but she knew Alex needed to be the one to take the first knew if she went to see her and something happen without Alex being totally ready it could compromise her recovery and she couldn't risk it….But on the other hand she couldn't stop thinking about how much progress Alex has made these past 6 months : Now they were able to work together without any tension and she could be nice with other female detective without having to deal with Alex's jealousy crisis…She felt like the Alex she loved was finally back…But who was she to say that?And besides she was still hurt and even if Alex was actually better it wouldn't make the pain go away: she could forgive but not though this through and knew that if she gets back with Alex she really had to give her a chance and to try her best to forgive her, because Alex truly did a terrific job on looking in herself and she deserved a real chance…

They both spent the day in bed incapable of moving or doing anything else…

Around 8 o' clock Alex finally decided it was time for her to get out of bed…She took her car and drove to Liv's place….She saw the lights were on meaning Liv was at home…she couldn't get out of her car she wanted to but she couldn't .She didn't know if she was ready yet, she didn't know what she would say to Liv….Around 11 pm she saw Liv leaving her apartment , she had an umbrella but she knew it was her…She could't let her leave like that…Alex didn't have the time to think she got out of car and ran towards Liv:

"Liv wait!"Alex screamed still running toward her…

"Alex?What are you doing here?"Liv said a bit surprised but happy to see her.

"I needed to talk to you…"Alex said all wet…

"How long have you been here?"Liv asked .

"3 hours I think…I couldn't get out of my car…"

"Oh Alex you're gonna get sick come in …"

"Not before I said what I need to say…"

"Alexandra Cabot don't argue with me please…"

"OK, let's get inside…"

Inside Liv's apartment:

"Look at you , you look like a…"

"Wet dog, I know…"

"I was gonna say a wet spaghetti…"Liv said smiling

"Hot and funny !"Alex said smiling back at Liv.

"Come on let's get you undressed…"Liv said on giving a towel and a robe to Alex…

"You're fast moving…"Alex said with her kinky smile.

At that precise moment Alex did something really bold, something that wasn't like her..She stood up and took all her clothes of right in front of Liv…

"Satisfied…?"Alex asked looking straight into Liv's eyes…

"Well not yet.. I mean yes I don't want you to get sick or anything…

Liv couldn't believe her eyes: She missed Alex's body so much…Every curve…every little inch of her body was just like she remembered….

"Stop staring and give me that robe will you?"Alex said to Liv knowing exactly what Liv was thinking about…

"Yes sorry…"Liv said….trying not to stare too much…

Alex put the robe on but let it opened enough for her scar to be visible…

Liv moved slowly toward her and put her hand on Alex's chest and asked:

"Does it still hurt?"

"Do you mean my scar or my heart?"Alex asked moving Liv's hand from her scar to her heart…

"Oh Alex…"Liv whispered at Alex's ear…

"It's ok Liv I'm here and this time I'm not going anywhere, I swear…"

For the first time in their relationship it was Liv who needed contort and reassurance so Alex sat on Liv's coach and just hold her head against her chest….

"Happy anniversary babe…"Alex whispered in Liv's ear.


	18. Make up sex

chapter 18: Make up Sex:

The next morning Liv's woke up on her coach in Alex's arms and for her it was the best feeling in the world….She didn't want to move , she was afraid that if she did Alex would go away again…

"Hey my love"Alex whispered at Liv's ears…

Liv was still faking sleeping….She was scared to go back to reality….

"It's ok babe you can open your eyes, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere…"Alex said passing her fingers into Liv's hair…

"Hey babe…"Liv finally said…

"How are you this morning detective,I'm sorry can I call you Detective again?"Alex a little worry….

"It depends it you can fix my back…"Liv said holding her back

"Oh it hurts that much…I'm sorry We should have went to bed instead of sleeping here…"Alex said caressing her back.

"It's ok but I'm way too old to sleep on a coach…""Liv moaned

"No you're not, but come with me I'm gonna make you feel better…"Alex said taking Liv's hand and moving slowly towards Liv's bedroom…

"Alex I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"Don't worry I''m not gonna jump your bones…not that I don't want to….I'm going to massage your back…It's one of the things I learned in the wwp.."

"Ok, I 'm not gonna argue with you on this one and even If I wanted I couldn't I can't barely move…"Liv said.

"So just take off your shirt and lay on your belly for me…"Alex ordered Liv.

"You're moving fast…"Liv said executing Alex's orders...

Alex knew exactly she was doing : She started to massage Liv's shoulders nicely and softly…

Quickly Liv started to moan…

"Oh baby that's good…"

"You like it?"Alex said moving her hand on the lower part of Liv's back…

"Yes I do , oh just go on babe right here….harder…"

At that precise moment Alex felt very proud of herself : for once she was the one giving Liv's pleasure…

"Wait a minute…You said you learned how to give massage in the program so who did you practice on?"Liv said turning over to face Alex …

"Oh come on Liv just shut up and kiss me already…"Alex ordered Liv.

"As you wish counsellor, may I call you counsellor again?"Liv asked…

"Yes you may…"Alex said moving her lips towards Liv's…

They exchanged a passionate kiss , so passionate that Alex started to feel a bit excited…And as she was literally sitting on Liv it didn't go unnoticed…

"I can see that you still like the way kiss"Liv said ironically…

"You know I do and trust me you're gonna like what I'm about to do…"Alex boldly said while opening Liv's pant…

"Alex you don't have to do that…"Liv said a little bit panicked…

She was right to feel a little panicked and surprised: Alex never went down on her before….She would touch her, go inside her and do all sorts of things to satisfy her but she never went down on her…

" I don't have to I want to…I need you…I want to feel you , I want you to come in my mouth…"Alex said pushing Liv back on her pillow…

"I like the new Alex!"Liv said smiling…

"It's not a new Alex, it's me, the real Alexandra the one I used to be…the one you fell in Love with years ago…"Alex bending over to look into Liv's big brown eyes…

"Welcome back babe…"Liv said opening Alex's robe…

Alex really wanted this to be special. She took off Liv's pant and started to kiss her belly while moving her hands inside Liv's panties…

"Well , from what I can see here you still like the way I kiss as well.."

"Yes I do…"Liv said a little embarrassed…

She didn't want Alex to know that just kissing her or even looking at her would turn her on…

"It's ok babe, I have that effect on people, I tend to make them wet their pants "Alex said ironically…

"Damn I missed you, I love you Alexandra…"

"I love you to Olivia but now just enjoy the ride an shut the hell up!"

Alex moved slowly her hand inside Liv's panties and could feel that she was more and more wet, so she started to rub her clitoris slowly while kissing her breasts…

After a few minutes Liv said:

"Oh Alex I want you inside me…"

"I know…"Alex said entering one then two fingers inside Liv's pussy…

"Oh yeah baby go just don't stop…"Liv moaned…

"I'm only getting started…"Alex said moving her month ad tongue slowly on Liv's belly only to reach her private parts…She took of Liv's panties and started kissing her thighs and slowly the inner part of her thighs..

"Oh Alex stop teasing me I can't take it…"Liv begged Alex…

"OK…"Alex replied while moving her tongue on Liv's clitoris…

She couldn't believe how big and hard her clitoris became…she started licking it slowly while caressing the entrance of Liv's vagina….

"Oh Alexxxxxx please don't stop it's so good…"Liv screamed…

Alex continued to lick her clitoris when she noticed that Liv's body was becoming more tense and that she had grabbed her shits squeezing them as hard as she could …..So she decided to go a little faster and faster and faster until….

"Oh my god Alex, I'm gonna come….Don't stop…"Liv said pressing Alex's head on her pussy…

Alex stop licking her clitoris but instead just pressed her tongue on it as she felt Liv coming…..

She could feel Liv's pussy contracting and relaxing and contracted again harder and harder…She could feel Liv's juice inside her mouth….And it felt good and tasted good….

After a few seconds of silence Liv finally said:

"Oh my god Alex that's was probably the most intense orgasm of my entire life…"Liv said trying to catch her breath…

"That was interesting….I didn't know you could be THAT wet and come that hard…."Alex said while moving towards Liv to kiss her…

"It's because it's been a while but mostly because you're so good with your tongue, oh Alex…I love you so much…"Liv said while kissing Alex's forehead…

Alex just layed next to Olivia and felt really satisfy by that intense love making session , well for the most part…She couldn't believe how Liv pressed her head on her pussy when she was about to come. This wouldn't have surprised her coming from a man but from Liv…But it was a small detail everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be…Perfect again…

I know what you're thinking : That was good!Hold that thought next chapter is gonna be as hot if not hotter!

ps: Thanx to peterpeter for reviewing my chapters!


	19. Baby steps II

chapter 19: Baby steps…

They spent several hours cuddling in silence..Alex couldn't get that imagine of what Liv did of her head but she was determined to forget about it…

"Hey babe …you might wanna move a bit I can't feel my arm anymore…"Liv said smiling…

"Oh sorry…"Alex said moving away from Liv…

"So, that was kind great wasn't it?'Liv said looking deep inside Alex's eyes…

"It was magical….So you liked it?I mean I know it wasn't perfect, but you know it was my first time…"Alex said shyly…

"Come on Alex you were there..So saw, you heard and you felt how hard I came…It's true that first time aren't great but in our case it was and you know why?"

"Tell me."Alex said a bit corrode about the answer...

"Because you love me and you know me, you know every inch of my body so you know how to satisfy me…"Liv said trying to boost Alex's ego.

"So was it as great as with Morales…?"Alex asked.

"What?"Liv asked very surprised…

"I mean Am I as good as her?"

"Oh my god you think I'm sleeping with her?"Liv said almost scared…

"It's ok babe, I left for so long, I understand that you needed comfort and someone who loved and respect you..And if you don't want to come back with me I get it.."Alex said said avoiding Liv's look…

"My god Alex,Im not sleeping with her…"

"Really?"

"Hell no, I had the opportunity and It felt great to have a much younger and attractive woman having a crush on me, It boosted my ego and I needed it..But that's all I needed…I wanted you…I told you I'd wait for you and I I did.."Liv said

"I believe you but you didn't know if was ever gonna come back…"

"I knew you would , I knew you loved me and you were determined to make it work and to get help in therapy it was only a matter of time…Of course I know you will always been damaged by what happened to you but it's ok. I'll take care of you ok?"

"To us, you mean what happened to us…It happened to you too.."

"It did but I wasn't alone, I have El and the others…You were alone and you couldn't be yourself…"

"I'm only myself when I'm with you Liv…"

"Same here…But I think we should take things slow you know…

"Are you saying you want to keep things casual?I can't blame you they're probably gonna think you're foolish to give me another chance…"

"I didn't say that, but you know we should keep this between us for a little while"Liv suggested …

"You want us to go back in the closet?"Alex asked very surprised almost shocked…

"I know how you must feel about this, but the minute our relationship goes public it's gonna put pressure on us and I don't want us to screw things up again…"

"You mean you don't want to screw things up?"Alex said sitting up in Liv's bed..

"It's not what I mean but remember last time things were great then you came out and it was like people were expecting to be the perfect couple and it put pressure on us…I just want things to be simple, Please understand…"

"I won't screw this up this time Liv I , I swear…Please trust me…"

"I really want to Alex but I prefer to be careful..Baby steps ok?"Liv asked Alex.

For the first time in their relationship it's Liv who didn't trust Alex and who needed time…Alex felt like she really screwed things up really bad and that Liv had given up on her, on them. She was determined to make it up to Olivia and to do anything in her power to make her trust her again…

"OK Liv I agree we need to take things slow…It's gonna be ok babe, nothing or nobody can tear us apart, I swear."Alex said laying back next to Liv…

"I know babe..everything is gonna be ok, I love you…"Liv said kissing Alex's forehead…

"And I love the way you scream when you come, I missed that…"Alex said to tease her..

"Alex, once again you're exaggerating I'm not THAT loud…"Liv said shocked and embarrassed…

"Yes you are but it's ok I missed it, I missed you…"

"So did I…"


	20. Liv's coming out

Chapter 20 : Liv's coming out:

The next 4 weeks were great : They would spend hours together like any other couples ,they would go to movies...stay would go walk in central park at night...Not to mention the sex was great, better then it 's ever Alex could feel that Liv had issues trusting her...She was quite defensive with her...But she was determined to take it and to do everything in her power to make her trust again...

"Partner?"El asked seeing that Liv's minds was on another planet...

"Sorry you were saying?"Liv said...

"Tell me what Morales did to you so you look like you're in outer space like that..."

"El, for the last time, I'm not sleeping with her so now back off ok!"Liv said really annoyed...

She didn't like lying to her partner and best friend but she didn't feel like Alex was back for good...

She realized that she hasn't been herself these past few weeks...She was mean to Alex and she didn't like that...

She agreed to give her a second chance but she acted mean to her...

"Sorry El, I shouldn't talk to you like that I just have a lot going on"

"That wouldn't been Alex you're talking about?"

"It is, speaking of which I have to meet her ...We have to go over my testimony for the Morgan's case, see you later"Liv said without even giving El a second to reply.

Half an hour later at the DA's office:

"Come in."Alex said.

"Hey babe it's me."Liv said entering Alex's office...

"Hey babe hold on a minute. I'll be with you..."Alex said fighting among a pile of clothes...

"What happened here?Have you robbed a store?"Liv said quite surprised...

"No silly, remember that dinner at the DA office?Well it's tonight and I haven't dinned a dress yet.."

"Oh babe I'm sorry , I forgot."Liv said wrapping her arms around Alex...

"It's ok I have to choose one of them..."Alex said very concerned...

"You will look great what ever you choose and when you get home , I'll get to undress you and that's what I'm looking forward to..."|Liv said kissing Alex's shoulder...

"I know babe thank you...I'm looking forward to it too, I'll try not to be too late..."Alex said.

Truth was she was disappointed because Liv couldn't or wouldn't come with her. She wanted things to stay private until they figure out if this time they were back together for good,and a dinner at the DA's office wasn't the quite of quiet "coming out party" she could expect..But it was ok she was trying to be brave, because she wanted to prove to Liv that the old Alexandra Cabot was back for good, and that Alex was fearless...

"I'm sorry babe, for not coming with you...But I promise I will make it up to you when you come home."Liv said .

"It's ok I understand you need time, and to be honest I understand you don't wanna come, even if we were married, I would have understand that you would pass on a dinner that boring..."Alex said trying to make things easier for her and to be brave...

"Trust me Alex the day we're married I swear I'd be happy to go to all your official dinners, as boring as they might be…"Liv whispered at Alex's ear.

"Married?You really see us married some day?"Alex said turning around to face Liv.

"Of course I do, Alex look at me."Liv said making ALex sit down on her coach."I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you...I really see us going gray together...Is it gonna happen? I can't tell you that yet but I want to,and I'll do everything to make it happen, don't ever doubt that please."

"I know babe and I want the same and I'm doing my best to make you trust me again."Alex said trying to hold her tears...

"Oh babe I'm sorry I know I haven't been easy to live with since we got back together..I'm still hurt , give me some time ok?"

"I know and I told you I will wait for you so don't worry about it, now please leave me alone I can't focus when you're here!"Alex said laughing...

"Ok ok I'll go but let me tell you that the purple one is the best one...with these black underwear that I gave you...I can't imagine how great you would look.."Liv said not without

a kinky smile.

"Then purple it will be, I 'll see you tonight after dinner.."Alex said kissing Liv..

A few hours later Liv was home feeling guilty about what she was doing to Alex. She felt like she was punishing her for something she already paid for...So she decided to jump into she shower put on her best dress and go there and tell Alex she loved her...

Actually Liv was touched by the fact that Alex who was a republican would invite her to an important dinner at the risk to kill her career…If Alex was ready to loose her carreer for her the least she could do is go to that dinner..

Half an hour later Liv arrived at the DA's office and saw Alex wearing that gorgeous purple dress. She couldn't believe how hot and sexy and elegant Alex was…She thought she has been so stupid and foolish: Alex loved her more then a career more then life itself and she was ruining it..It was time for her to let the past behind her ...

"Hey babe, missed me much?"Liv said wrapping her arms around Alex...

"My god Liv!"Alex said turning around obviously surprised to see her...

"Happy to see me?"Liv said...

"Of course!"Alex said kissing her ..."I'm sorry is it ok if I kiss you in public..?"Alex added a little embarrassed.

"Of course it is, I'm sorry babe...please I want things to be as perfect as they used to be..., I love you..."Liv said kissing her...

"I love you too babe I'm so sorry for leaving you and hurting you…"Alex said.

"It's ok babe, let's put the past behind us for good this time.

"Ok.."

"Good cause there is something I've been dying to do for a while now.."Liv said taking a glass of champagne.

"What?"Alex asked a little worried…

"This : Ladies and Gentlemen , Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot, My Girlfriend…"Liv said quite loudly while raising her glass and then kissing Alex passionately in front of all the assembly of lawyers and DA's present...

"Oh Liv...Let's get out of here..."Alex said pulling Liv towards the exit.


	21. Dreams for plans

Author's note:  
I just wanted to thank all the people who read and reviewed(especially peterpeter come on man stop reviewing annonymously Id love to talk to you some day!)my stories and also my subscribers.

Chapter 21: Dreams for plans:

30 minutes Later's at Liv's place:

"That was quite a coming out babe"Alex said.

"More like a love declaration..."Liv said sitting on the couch...

"I love you for what you did , it takes a lot of courage and faith in us to do that..."

"I always had faith in us babe always don't ever doubt that..."Liv said taking Alex in her arms...

"So you said you wanted things to be as good as they used to be .."

"I do."

"Would you move in with me?"Alex said without even thinking about the words she was using...

"Wow Alex I always love the way you always go straight to the point".Liv said smiling...

"Sorry I just wanted to get this out of my chest before you change your mind".Alex replied a bit embarassed.

"Oh babe, don't worry I won't change my mind I want to be with you ok?"Liv said kissing Alex's forehead.

"I know...We should take our time anyway, try not to rush into things..."Alex said trying to appear sure of herself but realistic.

"I know we shouldn't rush into things but let's be realistic even if we decide to move in together right now we probably wont find a place until next summer anyway so..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing babe just that you have high standard .."Liv said .

"I agree : proof is I'm with you..."Alex said kissing Liv passionately...

"Yeah...I'd love to move in with you babe.."

"Really?"

"Of course but I think that if we want to get rid of ur past we should find a place together where we can make our own memories, instead of just me moving in with you or you moving in with me."Liv said.

"I agree babe, I just don't want us to fight over this.."Alex whispered.

"How?"Liv asked a little surprised.

"Well we talked about this in the past we have different standards..."Alex said knowing that if they sorted out a lot of issue money was still a problem.

"I know and I think we should talk about it.."

"Bout what?"

"The elephant in the room..."

"Liv come on I know I put on some weigh recently but..."

"Oh come on princess don't be silly...you're perfect...and I was talking about money.."

"I know...I just know that's an issue but we overcame worse..."

"I know babe and I'm sure if we talk about it we'll find a solution..."

"I know and I also know that I have to try not to be so stubborn.."

"Yes you do..."

"Well I just don't see what the problem is, I have money so why not use it?"

"I know babe that money isn't an issue for you and I'm so proud to be with as successful as you but I don't want you to pay for our rent, period..."

"Thanx babe and I'm so proud to be with such a decorated and respected police officer and If you don't want me to pay more then you then 50/50 seems to be a good compromise..."

"Exactly now we have to found a place I can offered on my salary and that's well posh enough for you..."

"Liv!Is that what you think of me that I'm posh and snob?"Alex said a little hurt.

"And incredibly hot and sexy?."Liv said trying to make it up to her..

"Don't try to change the subject...'Alex replied knowing she was right..

"Oh babe I dont think you're posh and uptide but we can from different worlds you're sophisticated that's all and I wouldn't want you to change a bit...I promised you I'd take care of you and I will ..."

"I know and I intend to remind you that promise when we have to pack both our places, cause I'm warning you these hands aren't make for heavy lifting..."Alex said showing her newly done manucure...

"I know but I can think of a thing or two you can use your hands for..."Liv said starting to kiss Alex's neck and moving her hand inside her dress.

"We should buy a place..."Alex said trying to avoid Liv's hands.

"That was quite a turn off babe..."

"Sorry it's just I want us to talk about this..."

"We can talk later, come to bed ...you owe me a trip tease remember?". Liv said continuing to try unzip her dress.

"I'm serious Liv, I take our future very seriously..."

"I know babe so do I, so what's your plan?"

"Well we could rent a place but I think it's a waste of money we should buy a place...I havent use my trust fund yet so..."

"Wait a minute Alex we're not using your trust fund! I thought I made myself clear?"

"Christal clear but.."

"There's not but Alexandra ,don't try to go all lawyer on me and negotiate, I don't have your money but you deserve the best and I'm gonna give it to you even if it means working double shifts, we're not using your trust fund, period."Liv said on a very defensive tone.

"OK babe I'm sorry bad habits die hard..."Alex said feeling so guilty about making it about money again and feeling like she hurt Olivia's pride.

"I'm so sorry princess I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I guess I just have some issues being with someone who has so much money"Liv said a bit embarassed...

"It's ok honey, I know it can be hard sometimes I will try my best not to though my money in your face too much...I'm a control freak and that includes money I'm sorry but the good thing is I want you to take care of me as much as you do..."

"Then let me please..."Liv said holding her hand.

"I'll try and I'm gonna be honnest with you : I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have kids with you with a house in the suburbs with a white fence, and little Olivia running around the house you know the whole package..."Alex said trying to focus on her breathing.

"I feel the same way Alex don't worry but I want us to enjoy ourselves before having kids you know. Even if I have to admit that I can't wait to see you pregnant..."Liv said rubbing Alex's belly...

"What make you Think I should be the one carrying our child?"

"Well for starters you're much younger then me , second my job is more risky then yours and I don't wanna risk our child's safety before it's even born, and last but not least, you don't want our baby to have these genes trust me..." Liv whispered...

"Oh babe..."Alex said thinking that Liv had so many unresolved issues, she was convinced that she shouldn't have kids of her won because of her genes, if only she could see herself has she did...

"Please dont say anything."Liv said with sadness in her voice.

"Ok babe...Just know you have more maternal instincts in your little fignger then me in my whole body, you're a born mom babe..."Alex said trying to reassure her.

"Thanx Princess..."

"ok then, I guess I'll carry our child but you better be prepared a pregnant Alexandra Cabot is gonna be a pain in your ass.."Alex said giggling.

"I'm used to it!"Liv said laughing...

"Ah aha ah very smart detective...You know I'm sure I'll enjoy being pregnant with your child a lot...You usally take so good care of me I can't imagine how it's gonna be when I'm pregnant.."

"I'll take care of you even more...I want your future pregnancy to be as smooth as possible...But we have time to think about it..."

"Yes we do, Oh my god Liv We're making plans for the future and you still haven't meet my dad..."Alex said with a bit of terror in her eyes...

Are you ready to meet Honrable judge Alexander Cabot?  



	22. Meet Honorable Judge Cabot

Chapter 22:

Meet Honorable Judge Alexander Cabot:

As crazy as this may sound Alex never thought of her father when she was making plans with Liv and she knew making them like each other was gonna be a challenge...

"Calm down baby, it's gonna be ok...I'm sure your dad is gonna like me.."Liv said hugging Alex trying to reassure her.

"You don't understand, my dad always so many plans for me, I'm an only child and not only he raised my like the boy he never had but he raised me

to carry the Cabot's name with pride..."

"And that's exactly what you've been doing.."

"Professionally speaking maybe but personally.."

"I see , I guess dating an underpaid cop, a woman none the less isn't what your dad had in mind for you right?"

"I'm sorry Liv...He's just an old fashion republican,he's not homophobic but ..."

"But he'd prefer if you married a rich republican man right?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I'll do everything in my power to make him accept you and us ok?"

"You don't have to do anything Alex, If I have to prove myself to your father I will, I will do everything it takes to make he see what everybody sees.."

"And what would that be?"

"That I love you with all my heart and all my soul and that I will make sure you have everything you want and deserve, and that I will never hurt you..."

"Oh babe .."

"Don't worry your father will see it too but I know it's not gonna be easy from what you told me about him , but I like challenges and besides what other choice do I have?I knowyou and your dad are close especially since you got back from WPP, and I will never do anything to jeopardise your I have to be the perfect daughter in law I will whatever that mean."

"Oh my love, you are already, you don't need to do anything else other then being yourself...If he can't accept you the way you are well it's his loss.."

"Don't say that, I don't want you to have to choose between me and your dad it might take time but he will accept me and our relationship.."

"That's exactly why I'm with you...Because you never give up on us and you always know how to make me feel better and to make me hope..."

"I thought you were with me because I'm great in bed..."

"That goes without saying..."Alex said kissing her girlfriend passionately...

"I know..."Liv said kissing her back...

"So what should I expect from your old man?"Liv asked.

"Well the usual : So Miss Benson your intentions towards my daughter?"Alex said imitating her dad's voice.

"I figured..."Liv said giggling.

"And he's a judge you know, so he's gonna make sure that I'm legally protected you know..."

"He will make sure I'm not with you for your trustfund?"Liv asked a bit desappointed..

"Yes.."

"I see : he wants to make sure I love you for you and not your money, don't worry it's ok "

"Yes , but once he finally realized that I want to spend the rest of my life with you he 's gonna make sure I'm protected in case.."

"Are we talking prenup here?"Liv asked quite surprised.

"Yes...Oh Liv I'm sorry all the sudden we're talking marriage again..."

"Don't worry princess, I told you I want to marry you, when we're ready and when your dad asks me what my intentions are I won't lie and I understand the lawyer in him wants to protects your money..."

"I love you so much Liv you have no idea..."

"Then prove it to me..."Liv says opening Alex's shirt...

They finally made love for several hours...Alex couldn't help worrying about the meeting with her father...She loved Liv but she loved her dad too and she wanted to make sure he wouldn't be an obstacle in their relationship...

Judge Cabot arrived right on time as per usual...

"Alexandra , look at you, you're beautiful , just like your mother..."He said while entering Alex's apartment...

"Thanx dad...I missed you..."Alex said while hugging him as hard as she could...

"I missed you too..So aren't you going to introduce me to your friend..."he said noticing Liv a few feet behind his daughter..

"Oh yes sorry, dad meet Detective Olivia Benson, Olivia meet my dad honorable Judge Alexander Cabot..."

"Nice to meet you sir.."Liv said very formally while shaking his hand..

"Please Detective call me Alexander...It's the less I could do for the woman who saved my daughter's life"

"Thank you Sir but I only did my job.."

"Let's have a sit shall we? Dad scotch on the rocks I presume?"Alex said while walking towards the living room...

"Thank you Alexandra that would be lovely..."

"How about you Liv?"

"I'll take a diet thank you babe "

At the sound of these words both their face turned red...

"Omg Liv, what did you just do?"Liv immediatley told herself...

"Well I presume that's the big news you wanted to tell me about..."

"I'm so sorry Sir It's just slipped out..."Liv said a little bit embarrassed..

"It's ok Detective now the ice is broken right?"

"I guess so..."

"How about we sit down and talk about this..."Alex suggested ...

"So, detective you're sleeping with my daughter"Alexander said vigouresely

"Dad..."Alex said shocked and feeling that he wasn't about to make things easy for Liv...

"It's ok Alex I can answer for myself..."

"A woman who's not afraid of me, I like that..."Alexander replied with irony...

"I'm not scared, impressed yes but not scared...And to answer your question: Yes your daughter and I are dating and we're in love, I know it's not what you expected but we're happy .."

"You're right, it's not what I had in mind when thinking about her future, but her being in the WPP wasn't either.."He admitted...

"I know...and I did everything to protect your daughter but I failed and she had to go away for her own protection, I apologise for that, I failed her and I failed you in a way, and loosing her almost killed me.."Liv said trying to her tears.

At that precise moment Alex's felt like her heart just broke, She knew Liv was terrible about not being able to protect her but she didn't know she felt that guilty..

She gently took her hand and said:

"It's ok Liv you didn't fail me...You saved me and I love you for that.."

"Thank you "Liv said trying to pull herself together.

"Well it's clear to me that you love my daughter.."

"Yes I do.."

"But on the other hand, My daughter being a lesbian was not what I had in mind.."

"Dad!"Alex said interumpting her father...

"Alex let him finish..."Liv asked trying to calm her down...

"It's ok detective my daughter, you must already know that always had a temper..."

"Tell me about it.."

"Enough with you two..Dad I love you and you raised me to think that I could achieve anything if I worked hard, well what I want right now and for the rest of my life is being with Olivia and trust me I've worked hard for that,so if you have a problem with that it's too bad I almost died when I was in WPP...I won't loose her again, I'm sorry..."Alex said trying not to be to agressive...

"Well that was quite a speech councillor..."Her dad said impressed to see her daughter taking a stand for herself like that..

"And you must know Sir she's not very diplomatic.."Liv said winking at her dad...

"I agree...Well It seems that you both love each other every much, but I'm your father Alexandra and I'm only looking out for you, I want the best for my daughter..."

"I know that dad and the best for me is Olivia.."

"How do I know that for sure? no offense detective but even if my daughter talks about you a lot...I don't know you...'"

"I know that sir and I don't expect you to trust me right away, all I'm asking is a chance to prove myself to you...And I'm hoping that as the man who raised Alex to become the fantastic,smart,kind woman she is today you will give me that chance"Liv said very seriously...

"I understand your point detective and as a judge I know that It's important to give people the benefit of the doubt before coming to conclusions"

"Thank you Sir..."

"I'm not finished young lady, I'm willing to give you a chance and to get to know you but you have very high standards especially regarding the welfare of my dear Alexandra..."

"I understand Sir and I will do what ever it takes..."Liv said still holding Alex's hand...

"Well I might take you up on that detective..."

"Please call me Olivia ..."

"Then Olivia how about if you start telling me your exact intentions regarding my daughter..."

"That's enough dad I won't let you interrogate the woman I love just like any other criminal you have in court..."Alex said standing up...

"Alex..I told you before I want to make this work and I'm more then happy to answer any questions your dad may have..."

" I know but..."Alex didn't give her the time to finish her sentence she was stopped by her phone...

"Cabot...I see...I'll be there in 20 minutes..."Alex said hanging up the phone.

"Judge Donelly needs me it shouldn't take long, May I expect that you two act like the well educated people that I know you both are?"Alex said looking at both Liv and her dad.

"Of course Alexandra, Olivia and I are going to have a nice chat...aren't we Olivia ?"

"Absolutely.."Liv said with a big smile trying to hide her anxiety...

"I trust you dad ...Liv take me to the door please..."

"Yes my dear..."

"Look I'm sorry I have to go and leave you alone with him..."

"Look at me : I spend hours in the IR with the worse criminals you can imagine, I think I can spend an hour with your dad...I love you ?Nothing can ever change that ..."Liv said taking her in her arms and pressing her forehead against Alex's.

"We'll see about that..."Alex said kissing her tenderly...

Review for more!


	23. Open heart conversation

chapter 23:

Open heart conversation:

Liv closed the door behind her and took a deep breath...She knew this next hour was critical she needed to make a good impression on Judge Cabot..

"So where were we...?"Liv said trying to feel confident...

"I was asking you what your exact intentions regarding Alexandra were ?"

"May I be honest with you Sir?"

"You may..."

"I love your daughter, It's not just a fling, It's the real deal, I've loved her for years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her...We've been trough hard moments but we overcame them and our love is now stronger then ever..."

"You want to spend the rest of your life with her?"

"Yes Sir, when the time is right I will come to you and ask you for her hand..."

"I'm touched by this sign of respect..."Alexander Cabot said genuinely flattered..

"I respect you and your daughter Sir and I have no intentions of coming between the two of you I hope you know that ..."

"I know Olivia, but do you think you have what it takes to make my daughter happy?She deserves the best you know.."

"I'm very aware of that Sir, And of course I realize Alex and I are not in the same league. I know that I don't have her education,her money or her good manners,But what I have is love, unconditional love and I can promise youthat I will spend every single day until the day I die making sure that she has everything she needs and deserves , what ever it takes."

"You sound quite convinced that you can make her happy and that you're good enough for her..."

"I know I'm probably not good enough but she's made me a better person by loving me everyday we've been together..And I believe she's happy with me , I mean if she weren't she wouldn't be with me.."

"I guess you're right my daughter knows what she wants and I'm guessing if she's with you is because she sees something with you, but do you really think you have what it takes to live with her..I mean no offense detective but you and my daughter are fromdifferent worlds and well my daughter lives by certain standards as you can see with her apartment "

"I'm very well aware of that Sir and I know I can't offered the kinds of things she likes, but I want to make her happy and As I told her if what she wants is a big house with a big car, I'll work double shift or I'll take a second job if I have too but I will makethat your daughter lives in the kind of comfort she's used to and deserves..."

"Well detective I can see you love my daughter very much and that you're willing to do everything in your power to make her happy...But you must know that even if living with a Cabot has its advantages it comes with a lot of duties and expectations..."

"I'm aware of that Sir and I'm willing to accompany Alex in every single dinner or charity event she wants me too..."

"I'm sure of that but don't you think that you can be an obstacle in her political ambitions?You must know she has her eye on the DA's chair.."

"I know and I will never do anything to compromise her brilliant future but we won't stay in the closet just because she might loose some votes...Alex agrees with me she doesn't want to have to lie about who she is to win an election, she doesn't want to lie to her voters...It would go against everything she believes in and everything she would campaign for...Sir..."

"I know, I raised my daughter to live my certain principals and standing up for what she believes in is one of them..."

"I know and I will support her what ever her career ambitions are Sir, I can promise you that..."

"So you don't mind living in her shadow?I mean my beloved wife could tell you that if she were still here...Leaving with a Cabot means making sacrifices and accepting to stay behind sometimes..."

"I know and I Alex decides to run for DA I'll be by her side and I will stay in the shadow if she needs me to."

"How about kids are you planning to have any?"

"Of course we do, we talked about it but we have time and we don't want to rush into things...But don't worry we have the intention of giving you grand children..."

"That's perfect!And I agree that you shouldn't rush into things, I hope you will do things in the proper order.."

"Absolutely..."

"You don't live together do you?"

"No we don't Sir not yet...But I spend a lot of time here and when we're not here we're at my place..."

"Do you have plan to move in with my daughter?"

"When she feels ready and she asks me, I'd be happy to but I won't be moving here.."

"Why If I may ask?"

"Well first of all we want to get our own place, one we would choose together and that would represent both our personalities and that we can arrange as we want..We want a fresh start you know?"

"I understand..."

"And also, to be honest with you I can't offer half the rent on this place...Of course Alex offered to pay but I refused, I want to pay my share ...So we decided to move into a place that is comfortable enough for her taste but one I can offered..."

"My daughter is very generous...I'm not surprised that she would offer to pay ..."

"She is and If I don't mind her paying here and there for restaurants or drinks, I will not let her pay for my share of our rent, I have my pride you know and besides I'm not with her for her money, and yes before you ask I agree to put that in writing by signing a pre-nup"

"You definitely read my mind here..."

"As I said I want to do every by the book , but again as I said When we are ready to move in together or to get married we are not rushing into this..."

"Good for you!Well you seem very sincere in your feelings and honest in your intentions but I'm not ready to give you my daughter's hand yet..."

"And I'm not ready to ask Alex to marry me even if I want to..."

"That's good...Because not that Alexandra seem to care but It will take time for me to accept you relationship I need to be sure you deserve her and that won't happen over night and it will take more then words..."

"I understand and I'm very patient and persistant, Sir and about Alex don't worry she may looked a bit angry with you earlier but trust me your opinion matters to her she was just trying to protect me, that's who your daughter is she's always trying to protect people especially peopleshe loves..."

"I know...Well i think I interrogated you enough for tonight how about if we had that drink "

"I agree, I need something stronger then Diet coke.."

Alex came back a few minutes later finding the two of them talking about work She thought that if her father was still here and if they were actually having a real conversation it must mean that thing didn't go that bad At least she was hoping...


	24. Taking it a step further

chapter 24: Taking it a step further :

Alex took a big breath before joining her dad and her girlfriend in the living room...

"So how are things going?"Alex asked a little worried expecting them to be fighting...

"Well we're talking like civilized human being just like you told us."Liv said ironically.

"Ok..."Alex said without knowing how to feel.

The dinner was eaten in peace Olivia and her dad talked about work mainly and he left around 11 o' clock:

"It was a pleasure meeting you detective,Alexandra I will see you next week for brunch at the Plaza?."Alexander Cabot said taking her into his big strong arms...

"It was a please to meet you to sir..."Liv said shaking his hand very formally.

"I will see you dad..."Alex said closing the door behind him.

"My god what did you do?"Alex violently asked Liv.

"Nothing why are you asking me that...?"Liv said a little scared by the look on Alex's face..

"Olivia Serena Benson don't you dare lying to me..."Alex yelled even more angry...

At that moment Liv knew she was in trouble , Alex never called her by her full name...

"Look, you better tell me right now if you dont want to me in serious trouble..."

"I did n't do anything Alex I swear..."Liv replied a little anxious.

"My dad was quiet all night and that's not like him so tell me what you told him!right now!"Alex yelled becoming more and more agressive.

"We talked that's all..."Liv said trying to take Alex in her arms because she knew it would calm her down...

"Ok fine take it that way , I want you out of my !Now!"Alex said rushing into her bedroom...

Liv didn't know what was getting to her but she was determined to find out, she gently knocked on the door...

"May I come in?"She asked trying to be as nice as possible.

"No..."Alex said holding her tears...

"OH Alex,Look I'm sorry."Liv said kneeling before Alex who was sitting on her bed.

"No you'rent..."

"I am , look I told your dad the truth that I loved you, that I had big plans for us , plans that you shared with me and that I would never hurt you..."

"And?."Alex said trying to wipe her tears of her face with the back of her hand.

"And that I would do my best to prove myself to him because I needed his consent for the day I will propose to you..."Liv said trying to reassure her.

"And what did he say?"

"That I seemed genuine and honnest and willing to prove myself to him but that he wasn't ready to give his consent yet..and I said it was ok...You see nothing bad happened he needs time.."

"You don't understand, I can't marry you without his consent, I love him I can't loose him..."

"Calm down please, I'm going to say the same thing I told your dad...I love you but I know you're not ready to get married yet and by the time you are I'm sure he will love me!"

"Are you mad at me?"Alex asked...

"Why would I be?"

"Because I know you want to get married and all and I 'm not ready for that yet..."Alex said looking down.

"Oh Alex it's ok , I don't need to be married to you to feel that you love me and to be happy...and besides neither of us are ready I think...But I do undsertand you concern and I will do everything I can ok?"

"I hope he will accept you because if he doesnt.."

"What can he do ?Take your trust fund?"Liv said trying to joke about it..

"Actually he could.."

"And would you choose your money over me?"Liv asked a little concerned..

"Of course not!Why would you even think that?"

"I'm sorry I don't want you to have to choose between me and your money or your dad.."

"I know I'm sorry for ..."

"Going ballistic...?"

"Yes..."

"Oh Alex I love you, I understand, remember if you have any concern you have to talk about it we can do solve anything as long as we speak about it ok?"

"OK...I'm sorry and don't even say I look sexy when I'm mad because I'm so not in the mood..."

"I understand how about we go to bed and talk about this tomorrow?"

"OK..."

After both taking a shower they layed down in bed, but Alex decided to stay away from Liv, which was unsual because she always sleeps in her arms, which were her safe place...

Liv knew Alex was hurt, and she needed comfort...So she wrapped herself around her...

"Oh Alex if only you could imagine how much I love you."She whispered to her ear..

"I know, I love you too.."Alex said...

"Move in with me then..."Liv said without even thinking...

"What?"Alex said turning around to face Liv.

"You heard me, I love you and I want to be with you every single night for the rest of my life..and Wake up in your arms every morning..I don't want us to be appart anymore..."Liv said...

"Oh Liv I swear I'm not going to leave you ever again trust me please..."Alex said turning around to face her.

"I know...I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I love you I just want to be with you ..."

"I understand but I thought you werent ready?"

"I'm, But I thought It was too soon for you..but apparently I was wrong and you need a proof of engagment from me..."

"Oh Liv I don't need anything from you, You're proving your engagment to me every day by sopporting me ..."

"So you do you move in with me?"

"Actually I do and it will be a good way to prove to my dad that we're serious about our relationship...But are we ready for that?"

"Well why shouldn't we?I think we fixed what was wrong in our relationship now we talk more we're more honnest with each and most important you trust me more to help you, you don't push me away anymore and that's what s more important to me..."

"I know and I do trust you it's just sometimes..."

"I'm overwermalingg..."

"yes,you want to prove you love me and you're there for me that you're actually here too much that's why I like to have my own appartment so sometimes I can be alone..Don't hate me.."

"I dont hate you, I understand, I'm a bit too much sometimes but it's coming from good intention you know and I'm lacking experience so I sometimes act too much...and you're right we need time away from each other ..."

"How about you pick one night shift a week from now on so I can have one day by myself per week?"

"I think that's a good idea Nights shift are quiet, well most of the time it give me the opportunity to do my paperwork...Mention granted..."

"The people rest..."Alex said falling asleep in her lover's arms...


	25. Fantasies

Chapter 25: Fantasies...

They woke up the next morning tired of last night's events...Liv wouldn't move she was afraid that as soon as they would be up Alex would move backward and change her mind...

"You can open your eyes babe..."Alex said gently kissing Liv's neck...

Liv opened her eyes...

"You knew I was awake?"Liv replied naively..

"Yes, your breathing is different when you're awake then when you're asleep..."Alex said moving slowly on top of her...

"OH ok, sorry I just need a few minutes to think..."Liv replied amazed by how well Alex knew her...

"Oh babe you don't need to worry I won't change my mind about moving in with you..I love you and I want us to have our own appartement.."Alex said looking into Liv's brown eyes,how could she ever change her mind?

"I'm sorry every morning I wake up scared that you will change your mind and realize that you deserve so much then I can give you and after last night and your dad making it clear that a Cabot deserves much more then me...I thought.."

"You thought wrong...I don't care about what my psycho rigid, snob of a dad says : I love you Olivia Benson and not only you're good enough for me but you 're too good for me so let's live our lives without thinking about my dad ok?

"Oh Alex, I love you too but I know it's gonna break you if you dad doesn't give us your consent.."

"No it's not, it's time for me to stand up for myself and to stop caring so much about what my dad says and besides you were right: time will help him accept you and us now would you just shut up and make love to me."Alex ordered..

"Damn I love it when you give me orders like that, It gives me some ideas...kinky ideas..."Liv said starting to kiss Alex...

"What kind of ideas?"Alex asked intrigued..

"I don't know..don't get me wrong I love the way we make love but I guess I have fantasies..."Liv said a bit worried...Even if she noticed that Alex was a lot more into sex then she used too she remembered that Alex called her sexual freak...

"Don't worry Liv you can tell me or ask me anything, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you..."Alex said gently kissing her forehead...

"I know babe and I'm not into weird stuff but you know you call me sexual maniac once so..."

"Oh I'm sorry I was so fucked up back then you're not a maniac you're the most gentle, passionate person I ever made love with..."

"And the last one I hope..."Liv said.

"That goes without saying...So I guess your fantasies don't include tree ways?"

"No way!I would never bare sharing you!"

"Good, me neither, now tell me Detective how can I make you come harder then you ever came?"Alex said slowly putting her hand under Liv's top tank...

"Oh babe you shouldn't do that, it's not fair..."Liv said starting moaning...

"What's unfair, this?"Alex asked continuing to caress Liv's right nipple with her thumb...

"Ok I will tell you but stop you how crazy that makes me feel..."

"OK, tell me..."

"I would love to make love to you in your office, on your desk..."Liv said a little embarrassed.

"Wouldn't you prefer Judge Petrovsky 's office?"Alex asked...

"Oh yeah I would love to just to see be able to look at her everytime she challenges us and say to myself"If you knew what we did on your desk."Liv said with a big smile on her face...

"I would love that too...But that would be unethical...but I will think about it...and about my office you're welcome anytime you want honey..."

"How about you Alex what's your fantasy...?"

Alex knew exactly what she wanted to answer but she didn't know if she should...

"Nothing in particular..."Alex said looking down...

"Alexandra Madeleine Cabot don't you lie to me please tell me...I won't judge ok?"Liv said taking her in her arms to reassure her...

"I know you just might not like it..."

"Then I will say so, let me decide ok?"

"OK...Well I can show you if you want..."

"OK..."Liv replied a little worried...

Alex got out of bed and went in her closet and picked up a metallic box with a little lock, she then went into her night table to take the key...

"What do you have here babe?"Liv asked knowing the answer...

"First of all I love you, more then you can imagine and I'm fully satisfied with you even beyond my expectations..."Alex said opening the box...

Inside where several dildos and vibrator if several sizes and shape.

"What do we have here councillor?"Liv said intrigued...

"I'm sorry Liv I don't wanna go back to men...but I like them…"Alex said more and more ashamed...

"Have you used them since we 've been together?."Liv asked a little worried.

"Of course not!Only when we were broken up and In the WPP.."Alex said ashamed.

"Then You didn't do anything wrong you have needs and I like that you explored your body like that…"Liv said kissing her lips.

"You're so understanding ,you know when I was In WPP I did my best to forget you I made mistakes, including sleeping with men...lots if them...but they weren't you,so I decided to stop and to used substitutes instead…"Alex whispered.

"I understand don't worry babe,were you thinking about me using them?."

"Yeah.."Alex replied embarrassed.

"Oh that's adorable!"Liv said taking her in her arms.

"Adorable?"

"You loved me all along, it's all that matters, if you want to use sex toys we will, no worries, I found it quite exciting to be honest…"Liv said taking one in her hand…

"So if we do play with name and I come harder then I ever came with you you won't think I miss men?"

"Of course not, I will just think that I know you very well and know I to use those toys to make you come…At least I hope so…"

"Of course you will Liv, You know my body better then myself.."

"You know what I would love?"

"Tell me..."Alex said a little worried.

"I would like you to play with one of them while I watch you, you know, I want to see how you like to use them..."Liv said holding her breath waiting for her reaction.

"Really?Would that excite you touching yourself while watching me play with a big black dildo?"Alex said slipping her hand inside Liv's pants...

"Yes it would..."Liv said totally turned on.

"I can see that..."Alex said taking her hand off Liv's pants.

"Yes indeed, so which one would you like to use?"Liv asked...

"My favorite is the black one..It doesn't vibrate or anything, but I like the shape..."Alex said a bit embarrassed.

"Let's get this party started councilor." Liv said overexcited.

Truth was Liv loved Alex and making love to her, but sex became quite random these past few weeks she needed to spice things up a bit and she was happy Alex was ready to take that step with her.

**I know , I'm teasing you!Next chapter will be a hot love making sessions with sex toys...So stay tuned for the steamy stuff!**


	26. Playing with sex toys

**Hey guys!I know last chapter ended on quite a cliffhanger! But I needed time to write this chapter right. I wanted this chapter to be true and honest, not the typical stereotype"Lesbians playing with dildos"fantasy. I love the sex scenes between Alex and Liv I read here most most of them are written by straight women and aren't really realistic. As a lesbian I guess I have some experience in that area even If I seriously lack vocabulary in that particular field.**

chapter 26:

Playing with sex toys:

"Why don't you go sit in there?"Alex asked pointed the red chair next to her chair that really looked like a throne.

"But Alex…."Liv begged, she didn't want to go away, she wanted to be right next to Alex so she could touch her .

"No no no, you said you wanted to watch me using it, so you have your wish."Alex said kissing Liv and pushing her out of bed.

"That's not fair.."Liv mumbled.

"Liv is unfair my love , now sit and enjoy…"Alex said.

Liv was happy , she couldn't believe how bold and sexy Alex was at that precise moment, she remembered how shy she was with her sexually only a few months ago, so yes she was going to enjoy.

Alex layed on her was wearing a white top tank and red panties. She didn't know how she should act, she didn't want to shock Olivia. After a few seconds on reflexion she said to herself"What the hell she wants to see, I'm gonna show show her!"

She started to caress her breast with her right hand, imagining it was Liv's. After a few seconds her nipples started to become harder and harder…She started to moan Liv's name…She started to squeeze her breast harder which caused her to moan even harder.

Liv couldn't believe what was happening in front of her eyes: ADA Alexandra Cabot was touching herself in front of her, for her. She was so excited that she started to slip her hand into her boxers but quickly stopped because she didn't know if Alex would approved so she decided to wait a little longer for that…

Alex slowly slipped her hand into her panties and opened her legs,so Liv could see the black spot on her panties showing how wet she already was.

Alex started to rub her already swollen clit and started to moan again whispering Liv's name…

From where she was sitting Liv could see everything.

"What are you waiting for?"Alex said opening her eyes.

"What?"Liv replied surprised, she was so into what she saw..

"Well don't you like what you see?"Alex asked disappointed.

"I do I really do babe…"Liv said a bit embarrassed.

"So why aren't you showing me how much you like what you see?"Alex suggested.

"Ok babe…"Liv obeyed by slipping her hand inside her boxers.

"Good girl…"Alex smiled.

Liv couldn't believe how bold Alex was acting and how sexy that was, she loved how directive she was.

Alex continued touching herself, she decided to keep her eyes opened to make sure that Liv was enjoying herself as well, and she was indeed enjoying herself a lot.

Liv started to feel more comfortable so she started caressing her inner thighs as first she felt a bit embarrassed she closed her eyes, but as she heard Alex whispering her name she opened them cause she needed to see what the only thought and sight of her could to do Alex.

Alex still had her legs opened so Liv had a nice view on what was going her between her lover's legs.

Alex decided to take off her panties…

Liv couldn't believed her eyes: She never saw her so excited and so wet…She really had to fight not to go on her bed and take her right there right now….But she didn't, she followed Alex's orders and continued to pleasure herself.

Alex could see how excited Liv was so she decided to insert one finger inside her then a second one.

She started to finger herself slowly so Liv could see the juice coming out of her on her fingers…

The sight of the show Alex was putting on for her made Liv's inner muscles to become tight very tight, she could even started a spasm coming, no she couldn't come, not yet . Alex's show was only at the first act, so she tried to control herself.

From where she was Alex could see on Liv's face that she was closed to climax so she decided to stop teasing her and grabbed the black dildo from under her pillow.

Liv couldn't help thinking"Oh my god finally she's gonna use it…I'm going to explode"

Alex started to lick the head of the dildos, not that it needed to be lubricate because she was already really excited, but she thought it would turn Liv on, and it did…

She then slowly slipped the Dildo between her legs rubbing her clitoris slowly and slowly inserted the dildos into her vagina…Her breath to become faster and faster as the pleasure became more intense.

Alex trusted the dildo inside her faster and faster, rocking her hips against it to make it go deeper inside her…

Liv couldn't believe her eyes: "Oh god…I can't believe she's doing that for me,because she loves me, Benson you're the luckiest woman alive!"

Alex knew she about to climax and so was Liv so she invited her lover on the bed with her:

"Take off your clothes and come here babe.."She whispered.

"Are you sure?"Liv asked a bit out of breath.

"Yes, now you know how I like it , So I want you to come here and finish the job."

"Yes mam!'"Liv said overexcited by that invitation.

She quickly took her clothes off and reached Alex's bed and positioned herself on top of her.

"I want you to take it in your hand and make me come hard please…"Alex said out of breath as well.

"As you wish my love" Liv said starting to push the dildo inside of her partner.

"Oh god, Liv go on don't stop, harder…"Alex screamed.

Liv could feel how wet she was and she could even feel her inner lip contracting.

Alex also knew she was about to come but she wasn't selfish she wanted Liv to come at the same time as her so she decided to trust two fingers inside her without any notice..

"Oh god Alex, you're gonna make me come, Oh god…"Liv said she couldn't take it anymore she was about to come...

"I'm about to come as well babe go on harder babe…"

And then at that moment their two naked bodies became one as both climaxed at the same time, Alex could feel Liv vagina becoming so tight that she couldn't take her fingers out off her, not that she wanted to though..

Liv could also feel Alex's vagina contracting so hard that she couldn't move the dildo anymore…

After such intense love making session it took them a few moments to catch their breath.

Liv slowly took the dildo out of Alex's vagina and simply put it on the floor…

Alex was still shaking, Liv never saw her come that hard, it felt great even if she couldn't help thinking that it's was the dildo that made her come that hard not HER. But she didn't care for once Alex lost control and trusted enough to ask her to realize one of her fantasies and it all that mattered.

"I love you Liv."Alex finally whispered her hand still inside of Liv.

"I love you too babe, so much thank you for this…"Liv murmured in Alex's ears while tenderly kissing her cheek.

"No, thank you babe…."Alex said ready to fall asleep.

"Babe, not that I mind but you can take your hand off my pussy now."Liv asked smiling.

"Oh sorry…"Alex said giving Liv a kinky smile.

"Let's stay in bed today shall we?"Liv asked wrapping herself around her future wife.

Yes wife, at that precise moment Liv knew she was going to propose ,she didn't know when yet, she didn't know how either but she knew that what she wanted to do, she just needed a plan…A perfect romantic and spectacular plan.

**Yes there will be a proposal soon!And also because it's Christmas the next chapter will be a Christmas celebration chapter!SO if you always wondering a Cabot traditional Xmas looks like, stay tuned!I'm in holidays so I have time to write!And I'm inspired!**


	27. Christmas at the Cabot's: Prelude

**So guys I feel pretty inspired these days, Probably because I'm in france for holidays and I'm bored to death!So I write all day long!I miss my wonderful city (London).So recently I met another disturbed woman, I feel more and more like FanFiction is like craiglist, Impossible to meet someone normal, so if you are in london and if you are normal!Drop me a line!I would be more then happy to have a normal and civilized chat with you!Also thanx to all of you for your support I know my stories aren't as good as others here but I appreciate the fidelity and the support!**

Chapter 27:

Christmas at the Cabot's: Prelude

The next few weeks went smoothly, Alex and Liv's relationship was stronger then ever , they talked more and more about their future, they had visited several brown stones in Manhattan but they haven't find the house of their dreams yet,probably because Alex had very high standards.

"Yeah babe, ready for dinner? I cooked your favorite meal.."Alex joyfully said as soon as Liv entered their apartment.

"Oh my god what do you want me to do…Another visit?"Liv asked worried.

"No silly, I don't cook for you every time I want something from you, do I?"

"Of course not."Liv said kissing Alex's neck.

"So I hope you won't be to tired next thursday…Remember we spend Christmas at my dad's place in the Hamptons?"

"How can I forget?A house full of Cabots, I'm already having nightmares…"

"I know babe, but it's going to be ok, I will brief you on each member of my family so you don't say anything inappropriate."

"Thanx babe for the vote of confidence."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't behave , it's just my family doesn't joke with protocol you know, rules are rules and not talking about sensitive subjects is the most important one I just don't want to give them any ammunition to hurt you…"

"Thanx Alex but I'm perfectly capable of defending myself…"

"I know, I'm worried about them not you, I know If one of them makes an innapropriate remark you will probably strike back ten time harder"Alex said laughing.

"I love that you know me so well, but I will behave myself, but you have to realize that I hate this kind of family reunion and being surrounded by privileged people like that makes me uncomfortable…"

"I know babe and I swear I will hold your hand through all of it…And of course I owe you one.."

"Yeah well I have a small idea of what you could do to make it up to me…"Liv said with a kinky smile.

"Everything you want…"Alex said expecting something sexual.

"Well It's our first Christmas together so I would like us to do something special maybe over the week end, so we can have our own little Christmas …"

"That would be terrific, do you have anything in mind?"

"Yes indeed, I will take care of everything ok?"

" I trust you Detective…"

"I know, I just need to find you the perfect gift, I know you bought mine already but I didn't really have time…"

"Time or inspiration?"

"Both, but I know that If I seriously take the perfect idea will just pop into my mind…"

"I trust you, you know me so well, I ' m sure what ever you will get me will be perfect, now let's go to bed…"

"Yes I'm exhausted."Liv said standing up helped by Alex's loving arms.

The truth was Liv had her eyes on an engagement ring she saw, but she didn't know if the time was right, she figured it was maybe better to wait until valentine's day to propose, because she wanted to see if she could pass the "Cabot test" before asking Alex to marry her.

Alex went to bed hoping that Liv was going to propose to her on that romantic trip…

The next day Liv went to work with an idea in her mind, she needed help to make that decision, so naturally she turned to Eliot.

"So El I need some advice."Liv shyly asked her partner.

"Shoot."

"Well, Alex and I are going away for the week end, you know we want to have a small romantic christmas together before the big party at her dad's place in the Hamptons…"

"And you were thinking about proposing to her and you don't know if the moment is right.."

"Damn it El , I hate when you do that, you just read right through my mind…"

"If I could do the same with Katie it would save me some trouble."

"If you'd spend more time with her maybe you would be able to read her mind as well."Liv said laughing.

"Very funny, so what's your plan?"

"I don't know I saw that ring , but I don't know if the time is right, maybe I should wait until Valentine's day."

"I think you should wait until you spend the night with her family, if you survive that and still want to marry one of them, then I guess you can propose…"

"Exactly my thought, I wanted to wait until after I meet her family, not to see if I won't change my mind, but in case she changes her mind…I mean she will see that I don't fit into her world during that party,then she will have to make the decision…"

"Oh come on Liv don't be so pessimistic , Alex loves you she doesn't care if her family loves you or not,well maybe her dad's opinion matters but that's all, I'm sure of it."

"I know I have to be on my best behavior and If I can charm the whole family maybe her dad will change her mind and give us his consent…"

"From what Alex told me she doesn't care about his blessing she loves you she almost lost you twice she doesn't want to lose you again."

"Yes and If I want to make her happy for the rest of her life I can't let her being in bad terms with her dad, she lost her mom she can't lose him, I won't let that happen."

"I know you want but remember things take times, he will learn to know you with time ok?"

"I know I have to be patient and in the mean time behave myself."

"Exactly, so if you're waiting to propose what kind of gift are you going to give her?"

"I don't know I will think about it and I will go during lunch time, and of course you're coming with me!"

"Of course I am."

"You know, I know Alex is expecting me to propose and she s gonna be disappointed, she's scared I'm going to change her mind after spending christmas with her family.."

"She's always scared you're gonna leave her and it's true that proposing to her would reassure her, but the time isn't right yet so if she's disappointed you will have to explain to her that first you wanted to meet her family but that you had every intentions to propose, but don't give her any deadline."

"Ok Mister I've been married for 20 years, I will follow your advice"

That day during lunch time Liv found the perfect gift for Alex.

**Stay tuned for the romantic Christmas and for the dramatic one at the Cabot' if things are a bit boring during this chapter but I couldn't jump into the drama like that..:)**


	28. Merry Christmas My Love : Part I

Chapter 28:

Merry Christmas my love:Part I:

"Are you ready babe?It's time to go."Liv screamed.

"Yes I'm coming."Alex screamed back coming down the stairs.

"Oh my god Alex how many bags do you need? We're not moving in, it's only for the week end!"Liv said still amazed by how much clothes Alex had.

"I know but we're going straight the the Hamptons after that and I don't know what I'm going to wear at the Christmas party yet."

"Well during our week end I know exactly what you're going to be wearing: Nothing!"Liv joked grabbing Alex by the hips and kissing her.

"Yeah I figured I only brought lingerie…"

"I cant wait to see that…Let's go the Captain's cabin is up state it should take us 3 hours go get there let's go!"

"On your 6 boss!"

After a quiet trip Alex mainly spent sleeping they finally arrived at Captain Cragen's house.

"My god this is just gorgeous."Alex said getting of the car admiring the incredible lake view.

"Yeah it's been in Cragen's family for years…"Liv replied.

After unpacking they decided to put the fire place to good use and made themselves a cup of hot chocolate.

"So Alex, I have a little something for you…"Liv said taking of a little box from her pocket.

"Yes, I can see that…"Alex said, her heart beating faster and faster as she unwrapped the gift.

"I hope you will like it, Eliot helped me , I 've never been good with jewelry"Liv confessed a bit embarrassed.

"A watch!"Alex said a bit disappointed.

"Yes, you know you're always rushing because you're always late, it's engraved on the back."Liv said .

"With my endless and unconditional love, Liv, thank you babe I love you but you shouldn't have spend so much money on my Christmas present…"Alex said trying to hide her disappointment.

"You seem disappointed…Were you expected something else?"Liv naively asked, she knew Alex was expecting a engagement ring.

"As a matter of fact I was but never mind open your gift."Alex said giving her gift to Liv.

"Oh Alex let's talk about it…"Liv said trying to reach out to Alex.

"No open your gift then we will talk…"Alex said holding her tears.

"Ok."Liv said unwrapping the package.

"It's my journal, I started to write it as soon as I entered the program, I don't really talk about that period of my life and I figured if we are going to spend our lives together you should know who I was and what happened to me when I was away. I just wanted you to truly believe it when I say I loved you every single day…Well that what was when I thought you were going to propose tonight…Now it doesn't matter that I wrote about missing you every single day…"Alex said holding her tears.

"Oh babe, this is such an amazing gift and I will read it I promise, I want to know about the person you were in the program and I wanted to propose tonight…"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I figured it was wiser to wait until I meet your family…"

"Why, so you can change your mind?"

"No so you could change your mind after realizing I don't fit into your world…"

"Oh Olivia, I already know you don't fit into my world, that's why I love you…"

"Oh, thanx…"

"Liv I love you and I want to marry you and I need to do know that 's what you want as well…"

"It is what I want, but on my own terms and when I'm ready…"

"So you still don't trust me is that it?"

"Of course I trust you , things have been so perfect lately…I love you more and more everyday, you have to believe me Alex."

"Things are going well but you still expect me to screw everything up again like I did in the past, aren't you?"

"Of course not, but I want things to be perfect I want my proposal to be spectacular."

"It doesn't have to be you know.."

"I know but I have big plans for that very special day I want you to tell that story to our kids and grand kids with stars in your eyes and nostalgy in your voice..."

"Oh babe I love that you're such a romantic...And I know that every time I will tell our kids how we met, or how you saved my life several times, I won't be able to hold my tears."Alex replied with so much love in her eyes..

"I know...You're such a girl!"Liv said laughing.

"Well one of us has to be right?Anyway I understand that we have to take things : slow first you have to survive the Cabot's Christmas party and then If you survive then we'll talk about it again."Alex said kissing Liv's fore head.

"Thank god you're taking it better then I expected…"Liv said obviously relieved.

"Well I know you love me and I also know that I hurt you so much in the past, that if I want you to trust me I have to accept to do things your way, at your pace.."

"Exactly , you have to trust me Alexandra one day when you least expect it I will go down on one knee and I will propose."Liv said kissing her passionately.

"And when that day comes I will say yes..."Alex whispered kissing her back.

Alex couldn't wait until Liv proposes to her but she knew she still had a lot of work to do if she wanted Liv to completely trust her. But she knew everything was gonna be ok, she could feel it.

**Ready to meet the whole Cabot clan?stay tuned!**

**I know things have been a little slow but I couldn't just write the 2 Xmas in the same chapter it would have been too long!**


	29. Merry Christmas my love: Part II

Chapter 29 :

Merry Christmas my love: Part II:

"Oh my god please tell me I'm not doing this,tell you changed your mind."Liv begged Alex panicked.

"Ok baby, take a big breath, you're with me remember, nothing bad will happen to you as long as you're with me."Alex whispered to Liv's ear trying to reassure her.

"Can we stay in the car a little longer please?"Liv asked, she knew she couldn't under any circumstances screw this up, she needed to make a good impression.

"Of course baby come here."Alex said taking her in her arms to comfort her.

For once in their relationship Liv wasn't the strong one, Alex was.

Alex understood how making a good impression on her family was to Olivia and she was doing her best to make things as smooth as possible.

"Alexandra, are you going to stay in your car all night?"A voice screamed .

"My god, my aunt lilly…It's time to come out…"Alex said opening the door .

"I love you Alex I hope you won't forget that in the next few days…"

"I won't, now come and meet my aunt, she's nice …"Alex Olivia's taking hand.

"My dear Alexandra you look spectacular…"Lilly said holding her tight in her arms.

"Thanx you look spectacular as well, I'm happy to see you."

"Don't flatter me Alexandra, 6 months in Saint Barth would do that to anybody, who is your friend?"Lilly curiously asked..

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson Maam , nice to meet you…"Liv politely said shaking her hand.

"Please call me Lilla, Alexandra you didn't tell us you were bringing a friend…"Lilly said inviting the couple inside.

"Well Olivia isn't exactly a friend…"Alex said not knowing how to tell her she was dating Liv.

"I know sweetheart…"Lilla replied blinking at Alex.

"You do?"Alex replied surprised.

"Yes ,she's a detective so you must work with her…"

"That is correct Maam , Alex is our Assistant District Attorney."Liv replied seeing that Alex was a bit uncomfortable.

"Yes I'm your ADA.."Alex continued looking into her woman's big brown eyes.

"Alexandra, you're finally here…"Alexander Cabot said in a very strong voice.

"Let's get this party started."Liv thought.

"Dad…I missed you…"Alex said jumping in her dad's arms, letting go off Liv's hand in the process.

"And I see you brought Mrs Benson along."He said trying to be as polite and civil as possible.

"Of course dad, what did you expect that I would just let her home?"Alex said already annoyed by his attitude.

"Alex please…It's ok…"Liv said shaking her dad's hand.

"How about we go into the living room so we can introduce you to everyone?"Lilla said taking Olivia by the arm.

"That should be fun."Liv moaned.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Let me present to you my daughter's girlfriend, yes you heard me Alexandra is now a lesbian and she's dating a police officer."Alexander Cabot violently said as they entered the living room.

"Dad, you promised to be on your best behavior…"Alex said disappointed and trying to catch Liv's look.

"It's ok babe, I didn't feel like introducing myself 20 times, thank you Sir you saved me a lot of time."Liv said taking Alex in her arms.

"Oh babe , I'm sorry I knew this was gonna happen, I'm sorry."Alex said falling her her embrace.

"Don't worry about a thing, I love you and I don't care how your dad behaves with me, I really wanted him to like me but if he doesn't then it's his lost."Liv said kissing Alex's forehead.

"Can somebody tell me what's going on?"Lilla asked a bit panicked.

"Well your niece is having her "lesbian experiment", most girl go through that phase in college but your niece decided to go trough hers in her thirties."Alex's dad replied angry.

"It's not a phase, Look aunt Lilla I love you, you always helped me especially since mom died, but this is not a phase, I love Olivia I have loved her for years and we actually live together and we're planning on getting married when we're both ready, of course if she still wants to be with me after what just happened. If you have a problem with that I'm sorry but I won't be able to continue with our relationship."Alex said out of breath.

"Oh Alexandra, I love you like a daughter and I truly don't care if you're a lesbian. I love you for who you are and If you love her, well I love her too, welcome to the family Olivia."Lilla said taking Olivia in her arms.

"Thank you Lilla I'm flattered, your support means a lot to us."Liv said a tear in her eyes.

"Enough, you think I will allow you to marry my daughter?You're wrong young lady, I have big plans for Alexandra and her being married with a….someone like you is none of them."

"Dad, stop it ! You can't even say it!I know it's not the fact that Olivia is a woman that bothers you, It's the fact that she's a working class police officer , you would have no issues with our relation ship if she were a Rockfeller."Alex said treatening her dad with her finger.

"Of course I have a problem with her being working class, you're a Cabot stop acting like a spoiled child and start honoring your name!"Alexander ordered.

"No dad you're wrong, I'm not a Cabot anymore, I'm a Benson and I'm going to start acting like one, Liv let's go…"

"Are you sure babe?"Liv said knowing that she was responsible for the mess.

"Yes I am, aunt Lilla please visit us when you're in town."Alex said kissing her.

"I will Alexandra, Olivia please take care of her…"Lilla said sad.

"I will…"Liv said wrapping her arm around Alex's shoulder.

"Alexandra, I'm warning you if you leave now…"Her dad treated…

"What dad, if I leave you what?You will take my trust fund?Please do so, as long as I have Liv in my life I'm the richest woman on earth."Alex said walking away.

As soon as they reached the inside of their car, Alex bursted into tears.

"Oh Alex I'm so sorry,this is my fault, please stop crying…"Liv said taking her in her arms.

"No it's not I knew my dad was going to make a scene, he will never approve our relationship I better get used to it…I' ll be fine, I got you right?"

"Yes you do, Alexandra Benson…"Liv replied trying to make her smile.

"I like the sound of that…"Alex said trying to put herself together.

"So do I, and I know how difficult the choice you made tonight I promise you I will make you happy for the rest of your life."Liv said knowing what Alex just did what the most difficult thing she ever did and she had to make her happy to make up for that choice.

"I know babe, I know I won't regret my choice but it wasn't really a know when I was in the program the good thing was I wasn't force to go to charity event I could be someone else, not a Cabot . So when I'm telling you giving up the Cabot's name isn't a big loss I mean it."

"I'm sure your dad won't take your money, don't worry he will calm down when he sees that you mean every word you say, he won't be able to live with the idea of loosing you so he'll come around, trust me."

"I hope so but if he doesn't , it's not a problem I don't need his money you don't let me use it anyway…"Alex joked.

"No I don't and now you see that forcing you to live only on our salaries was a good thing…"

"Yes it was, you 're always right babe, now please take me home, I need to take a bath, hot bath…"

"OK, councillor if you let me join you…"

"Is there any other way to take a bath?"

"I don't know any better way…Now sleep princess we have a long ride home…"

"I ruined christmas ,our first one, I'm sorry…"Alex said putting her head on Liv's shoulder as they left the driveway.

"No you didn't and besides we got at least 50 other christmas ahead of us, and not all our first times have be perfect right?"

"Right…"Alex murmured falling asleep.


	30. Growing up

Chapter 30:

Growing up:

Alex spent the next few days in bed, she refused to talk about it , she told Liv she just needed time to mourn her relationship with her dad.

Liv couldn't bear the thought of being the cause of Alex's sadness. She needed to do something to fix it, to fix her.

"Hey babe, do you feel better today?"Liv said bringing her breakfast in bed.

"Wow , tree days in a row, what have I done to deserve such a treatment?"Alex asked apparently in a good mood.

"You know exactly what you did and again I'm sorry "Liv said kissing her forehead.

"I know stop apologizing, I actually feel relieved, I can be who I really am now."

"Ok This letter came for you this morning, looks serious I had to sign and show my badge "Liv said giving the letter to Alex.

"It from my lawyer "Alex replied a bit worried.

She took several minutes to properly the content of the documents.

"Oh my god "Alex suddenly screamed.

"What?What's wrong?"Liv begged worried.

"My dad is dissolving my trust fund "Alex replied taking off her glasses.

"What does that mean , did he take your money away?"

"Actually it's quite the opposite, you see the trust is controlled by a trustee who gives me an allowance every month, if I need a larger amount I ask him but it has to go trough my dad as well. From what is written here my dad is giving me complete control of my trust, no more trustee, nothing, just me "

"That's a good thing right or bad thing?"Liv asked worried.

"It's a bad thing, it means that he doesn't consider me as his daughter anymore.."

"Oh babe I'm sorry, but maybe he just realized that you were a growing up now and that you could take care of your money by yourself."Liv said trying to reassure her.

"Things don't work like that in our family, our trusts are always taken care of by a trustee and that until our parents die, that when we we're granted control of it.."

"I see, look babe, I won't stay here and I won't let this happen because of me, I have to fix this , right now "Liv said standing up determined to fix this.

"No Liv, he made his decision, I have to respect it, he doesn't consider me as a Cabot anymore and it's my fault I did tell her I was a Benson now Please just let it go "Alex said trying to keep Liv do go see her dad.

"Ok, I will let it go for now, the time for both of you to think about it, but I swear the he will be there at our wedding, no matter what I have to do to make that happen."

"Ok, I believe you, in the mean time please promise me you will not go to see him?It would only make things worse."

"I promise, so how big is that trust fund anyway?"Liv curiously asked.

"Well let just say you can stop working your butt off now, we can buy the house of our dreams right now."Alex said smiling.

"Alex we talked about this a million times. "

Alex didn't let her finish her sentence.

" I just lost my dad, for you, I lost my dad not to loose you so, If I want to buy you a house, hell a fucking building on fifth avenue, you're going to let me!"Alex said enraged.

"Ok babe, I won't argue about money anymore I'm sorry, I'm so sorry and I swear I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you for what you did for me, I promise."Liv said taking her in her arms.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to say it like that, It's not your fault, it's his fault, I love you. "Alex said falling Liv's arms.

"I know, I love you too, let's talk about something else, I spotted a house I Green which village that could be perfect for us "

"You did?Olivia Benson what happened to you?You hate house hunting "

"Well I realized recently that being in a committed relationship isn't always fun, it can't always be about making love for hours and spending days in bed It comes with as scary the idea of settling down is to me, I'm willing to take that step with you.."

"Oh Liv, I like it when you're all serious like that, so you made an appointment?"

"I did, this afternoon at 3 pm, if you feel like it."

"I do now let's eat."Alex said taking a bite into the pancakes Liv just made for her.

"Yes I'm starving "

"Wait a minute Liv, Green which Village is really expensive I'm surprised you even considered living there "

"I know, but I love the architecture and beside it's very gay you know, and green, perfect place to raise a little Alexandra "

"I told a million times : we will name our daughter after you So stop arguing "

"Alright councillor, I know It's an expensive neighborhood but we can afford it , even without you gaining the control of you trust fund right?"

"Yes we can, even before, I could have bought you a house only on my trust's interessets and various personnal investements but you always said... "Alex said surprised by such a change in Liv's point of view. She always assumed Liv would never change her mind on that particular matter.

"I know what I said and you're right: you sacrified a lot to be with me and I just want to make it up to you, anyway I can, and besides It's high time I grow up and stop complexing because you're rich, it 's a chance ,I should be happy for us and stop being so stubborn "

"You haven't grown up, you got old "Alex said laughing.

"Very funny!Seriously we're gonna do things your way from now own , I owe you that much.."

"You don't owe me anything, and I swear I won't let money go between us. I will let you pay for everything you want, ok?I want us to be equal you know. "

"I know, you're never tried to be superior to me in anyway, I know that, and you're right I won't let you pay for anything else if you pay for the house. "

"Does that include our wedding?"Alex said shyly not trying to put pressure on her to propose.

"Yes it does When I decide I'm ready to propose I will take care of everything for us, as for the house I can repay you in nature "Liv said kissing her and going slowly under the blankets

"Oh Liv don't tempt me with that or I will remind you how much you owe me every single day "Alex moaned already turned on.

'That's the plan "Liv replied slipping her hand inside Alex pajamas.

review for more!merry xmas!


	31. The house of our dreams

**Hey guys!Happy boxing day(for those who live in the UK like myself.)**  
**I hope you all spent an happy xmas and that Santa spoiled you!Mine was awesome, even if I probably gained 1 kilo or so,spent the whole day eating.**  
**Anyway the end of the year is generally the time when we look back at the past year and start to make the summary of what happened.**  
**So to me this year has been quite positive. I started the process of grieving my mom and I'm finally starting to see the end of it which is good.**  
**I also started to solve some big issues I had, that darkness I had in me. I finally stopped beating myself up for it and now I feel actually I had the courage to talk to my girlfriend about it, I thought she was gonna reject me but she didn't . I learned a valuable lesson: Never assume anything from anybody, included people you know well,because they might surprise you.**  
**So I feel like I'm gonna start this new year full of hope and happy which hasn't happened to me in years.**  
**I think the main thing is life is to be happy and top always hope for the best, instead of always expecting the worse and to accept people's help.I know it's bullshit I never believed it until quite recently.**  
**And it took me to meet someone I met here who treat me like a piece of garbage for weeks to make me realise I wasn't that bad. You know it's like when you have a broken knee and you complain until you meet someone with 2 broken legs and you're like"Oh yeah there is worse then me"**  
**So basically I 'm thank full to that person, I suffered a lot because of her but it helped me to realise things!I wish that person would have accepting my help as well but some people just like being miserable so there's nothing we can do about it right?**  
**Anyway with the end of the year also comes good resolutions and for me it's simple: enjoy life as much as I can!I'm going to start travelling again and also do some of the stuff on my bucket list!**

**Anyway the new Céline is happy and won't write anymore insane stories and she also won't try to help people who don't wanna be helped!**

**Anyway enjoy this chapter I promise the Proposal is coming soon!**

Chapter 31:

Finding the house of our dreams:

At 3 pm, Liv and Alex went to visit that house Liv previously spotted in Greenwich was well situated right next Washington Square Park and several playgrounds lots of groceries . Itwas a bit far from the precinct and from the DA's office but it didn't bother them.

"Are you sure we're ready for this?"Alex asked trying to force herself to get out of the car.

"I think we are, at least I am."Liv said taking Alex's hand.

"I want to but I don't know if I'm ready..."Alex confessed a bit ashamed.

"It's ok princess how about if we go inside, I think you will know right away if you want this house and if you're ready."

"I'm not a cop, I don't have your guts feeling."

"No but you love me and you trust me so let's go inside."

"OK.I trust you."

"Good."

They finally got of the car and were welcomed by the real estate agent who has been waiting for them.

"You must be Detective Benson, Nice to meet you I'm Maria."Maria said shaking Liv's hand.

"Nice to meet you, please call me Olivia and this is my better half Alexandra Cabot."

"Nice to meet you Ma'am."Alex politely said shaking her hand.

"Cabot, why does that name sound familiar, oh wait there is a Cabot wing at Mercy's hospital right?"

"Yes, the pediatric wing is named after my father."Alex said.

"Exactly, I gave birth to my son there 2 years ago, I remember your father had just donated a substantial amount of money to help rebuilding the nursery and buy new incubators."

"Yes my father is a very generous man."Alex said with regret and nostalgy in her voice.

"Sure he is , I'm guessing credit check will just be a formality for the two of you..."

"It sure will, how about we visit the house shall we?"Liv said taking Alex 's hand seeing she was uncomfortable.

"Thank you ."Alex said grateful .

"You're welcome babe, I love you."Liv replied kissing her .

"So how long have you two been together?"Maria said trying to find the right key .

"For ever."Liv and Alex both replied at the same time.

"How sweet, well as you know the neighborhood is really gay."Maria said opening the door.

"We know."Liv replied.

"So as you can see this is a very charming 19th century 3 bedrooms. On your left we got a huge living room with a huge fireplace."

"Wow this is huge it's as big as my old apartment."Liv said staring at the fireplace imagining herself making to Alex right next to it.

"It's gorgeous and yes I'm thinking the same thing as you about the fireplace ."Alex agreed winking at Liv.

"I love how you know me so well."Liv said flattered.

"It was an easy guess."Alex replied with that insurance in her voice that Liv found so sexy.

They continued the vist from the huge kitchen , to the 2 bathrooms and finally to the master caught Alex and Liv's attention was the last room.

"As you can see this bedroom is a little smaller then the other guest room, the previous couple used it as..."

"As a nursery."Alex continued looking at the wallpapers .

"Yes it was, are you planning on having children?"

"Yes we do."Liv replied wrapping her arms around Alex.

"Would you just give us a minute please?"Alex asked Maria.

"Sure, take all the time you need, I will be waiting in the living room."

"Oh Liv you were right this house is perfect for us."Alex whispered.

"I know princess and this room will make a perfect nursery for our little Alexandra, Olivia I mean."

"I know, let's buy it!"Alex agreed.

"Are you sure?Don't you wanna visit others houses first?"

"No I don't. I'm following my instinct and this is OUR house, where we are going to raise our family and grow old together."Alex said with stars in her eyes.

"Then we should make an offer to the owners."

"We should."

"So ladies, you liked it?"Maria asked knowing what the answer was going to be.

"Yes,we did and we want to make an offer, how much are the current owners asking for?"Liv asked.

"Well the price is a bit high due to the recent remodelling of the living room and master bedroom."

"Money isn't an issue."Alex said using her lawyer's voice.

"I'm sure it isn't."Maria said.

"So how much are they asking for?"Liv asked again.

"They're asking for 2.5 millions."

"Holy shit, I'm sorry , Talking about expensive...Is that price negotiable?"Liv asked.

"We're not negociating,we'll take it."Alex objected.

"Are you sure?"Maria shyly asked.

"Cabots don't negociate."Alex replied without any hesitation.

"You heard the lady, we 'll take it."Liv agreed.

"I'm sorry babe bad habits die hard."Alex said realizing what she just said.

"It's ok princess, you're a Cabot and you will always be, I love you."Liv said trying to reassure her.

"I'm a Benson now remember?"Alex proudly said.

"Not yet sweetheart, but you will be soon, I promise. But you can't erase or forget the way you were raised. I love you for who you are and that means being a Cabot, please don't give up your name or your identity for me..."Liv asked.

"Alright Dectective..."Alex whispered.

"You make such a cute couple, I'm sure you will be very happy in this house, how about we filled up this proposal?"

"Of course."Alex said taking her glasses of her bag and putting them on.

"Oh oh, looks like you're in trouble Maria."Liv laughed.

"Liv!"Alex shouted.

"Sorry?"Maria asked confused.

"Well everybody knows or should know when Alexandra Cabot put on her glasses,it's bad news!"Liv replied unable to stop laughing.

"Oh really?"Maria asked surprised.

"Yes Liv really?"Alex asked giving her killer look.

"I'm joking, her glasses are like her superhero costume, when she puts them on she becomes the super ADA that no criminal can defeat!"Liv said .

"That's better Liv, but just so you know you won't get any of that sexiness tonight."Alex said .

"You two look like you're been married for 20 years, very refreshing."Maria said.

"Well you heard her no sex tonight, sounds like we're already married!."Liv joked.

"I love you too."Alex said kissing her.

The truth was Alex was dying for Liv to they went out she was expecting it, every time Liv would look in her eyes which so much love in her eyes, she was hoping.

So Alex and Liv wrote a proposal, hoping that the current owner would agree to sell them the house. Maria told them it should take not more then 48 hours for them to make a decision.

Afterwards they decided to visit they future neighboorhood, it was a bit cold but sunny, so they decided to settle down in Washington Park for a while.

"I can really see ourselves living here."Alex said.

"So do I, babe, I have so much great projects for us, we're gonna be happy, I'll make sure of it, I'll make you have the life you want and deserve."Liv said kissing Alex's neck.

"All I want is to be with you until the day I die again."Alex whispered.

They spent a few hours in the park admiring their new neighboorhood, then they went home and Liv and went straight to bed. Liv was feeling so happy that she wanted to share that love so she started to kiss Alex's neck.

"Come on Liv not tonight, I have court tomorrow."Alex said.

"Oh come on you weren't serious about that no sex for you tonight thing?"

" I wasn't but right now I don't want to have night."Alex replied turning off the light.

"Ok good night princess."Liv said kissing the back of her head.

That night Alex slept at the other end of the bed, which never happened before, she always slept in Liv's arms.

Liv spent the whole night thinking asking herself why Alex was so sad. And then it hit her: Alex was tired of waiting for her to propose. She probably felt like if Liv wasn't ready yet it was because she still didn't trust her. And this wasn't true. Liv loved Alex she wanted to propose, she already bought the ring She just needed to plan the perfect set-up. She knew she had to do it soon because the more Alex was waiting the lower her self esteem was ...Then it hit her!She found the perfect plan!It would be hard to put together but she was sure she could do it!

Review for more!


	32. Will you marry me?

**In life you meet a lot of people, some important , some insignificant.**

**And then you meet that person. The one that makes you ask yourself"How was life like before I met her?" That person is everything you ever wished without daring to hope for.**

**She loves you unconditionally, no matter what, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do you parts. You can't imagine your life without her, with her you can be yourself even if it hurts like hell, she doesn't judge you and she's willing to do anything and endure anything a human can bear to be with you .And one day you realize the only thing you can do to give her back all that happiness is to simply go down on one knee and ask her to marry you**

**Author's note bis: Yes I am totally Obsessed"Fix you" I listen to it over and over when I me it's the most powerful and saddest song ever written I love it anyway enjoy this moment you've been asking me for...**

Chapter 30

The proposal:

A week past since they visited the house and they received a positive reply from the owners of the house, they had made a appointment to sign the papers the next week and they had scheduled to move in the next month.

This should have been the happiest period of their lives but Alex was always sad, like she was missing something, and Liv knew exactly what was wrong with her.

"Hey babe, I'm home..."Liv screamed as she walked through the door.

"I'm here."Alex quietly replied from the couch.

"Hello my love, how was your day?"Liv asked kissing Alex on the top of her head.

"Good ."She simply replied without even taking her eyes off her book.

"Alice in wonderland?"

"My mother's favorite, she used to read it to me when I was a kid."

"You miss her hum?"

"What do you think?"Alex aggressively replied.

"Of course you do, I'm sorry ."

"Never mind, dinner is ready I hope you're hungry I ordered too much."

"As always."Liv smiled following Alex in the kitchen."Anyway I'm not that hungry for Chinese.I'd rather if we skip to dessert."Liv said wrapping her arms around her kissing her neck.

"I'm not in the mood."Alex replied trying to escape from Liv's arms.

"Come on Alex it's been over a week, how long are you going to give me the no sex treatment?"

"I don't know Liv, I just don't want to have sex but if that's really what you want how about we do it right now , right here on the kitchen's floor?Would that make you happy?"Alex asked opening her shirt.

"No Alex, of course not if you don't feel like it .It's ok I'm sorry."Liv tried to apologize.

"No it's ok ,you want it you're gonna have it, let's do this right now and let's get this over with, but be quick I have some work to do."Alex finished taking of her pants.

"My god Alex stop, I'm sorry put your clothes on. I will never force you to have sex with or accept to have sex with you if I feel you don't want it as much as I do, you know that right?"Liv asked taking Alex in her arms.

"I know, I'm sorry 's that in your pocket?"Alex curiously asked.

"A little something I bought for you.."Liv said taking the concert tickets of her pocket.

"Oh my god, 2 tickets for Coldplay, Oh Liv..."

"These are supposed to be the best seats, right next to the stage..."Liv proudly stated.

"I don't deserve them, I've been acting like a bitch these past few days...Thank you..."Alex said kissing Liv.

"Don't worry, I noticed you were a little down these past few days and It's partially my fault."

"No, it's not, now let's stop fighting and let's eat shall we?"

"I'm starving"Alex replied smiling.

Finally Alex was smilling again. And yet she didn't know what Liv had planned for that special night.

January 14th: Madison Square Garden:

Liv decided tonight was the perfect day to propose to Alex, she wanted to wait until Valentine's day to make it as romantic as possible but she figured Alex couldn't wait any longer and besides a Colplay Concert was the perfect was expected it but she sure wasn't expected how and when she was going to propose.

Liv and Alex arrived at the Madison Square Garden and directly followed the direction to reach their seats:

"Have I told you how much I love Coldplay ?"Alex said kissing Liv.

"Probably every single time one of their song plays on the radio and when you listen to them while working and even showering."Liv joked.

"I know, I'm obsessed, thank you that's the best gift ever"

The concert was great, Liv bought them the best seats available right next to the the end of the concert came Alex's favorite song: "Fix you":

"So thank you all for coming to us tonight and for making us feel so welcome here in New York City this last song is called "Fix you" and tonight we would like to dedicate it to a special lady in the audience: Alexandra please say yes ."Coldplay's singer Chris Martin said.

Alex's face turned red as she saw her face on one of the big screen, she turned around to see Liv down on one knee with a ring in her hand.

"Oh my god, this isn't happening "Alex said a bit nervous.

"Yes it is, Alexandra Cabot I love you, I've always had, before knowing you I never knew what love was, you make me a better person every day, just by loving me by accepting me as I am, so would you do me the honor of becoming my wife ?"Liv asked with tears streaming down her face.

"Yes, I will marry you Olivia Benson, I love you .You brought me back to life, I can't imagine my life without you rocking it ."Alex said going on one knee to reach her.

"And that's a yesssssss!Congratulations ladies. Please everybody give the ladies a big applause "Chris martin said.

The audience went crazy and couldn't stop applauding but Alex and Olivia couldn't hear them at all ,they were into their bubble kissing each other, not even noticing that the whole scene was still being playing on the big screens.

"Liv..?"Alex finally said.

"Yes Mrs Benson.."Liv said trying not to miss a second of it.

"I think 20 000 people are watching us right now.."Alex whispered.

"I know And I don't care I want the whole world to know you're gonna be my wife."

"Yeah So do I."Alex replied unable to let go of Liv's hand.

After the show Liv and Alex went home and made love. It tasted different , because they were engaged. After all they've been through they were finally gonna get married.

"I imagine you won't tell me how you pulled that out?"Alex asked her head on Liv's naked chest.

"No I won't, a magician never reveals his tricks,remember?"Liv whispered passing her hand trough her future wife's blonde hair.

"Ok, I like the mystery. Now I know what you meant when you said you wanted your proposal to be spectacular."

"Yes, it was a bit crazy."

"You're kidding me right?You proposed to me during a Coldplay concert at the Madison Square Garden and I don't know how but you had Chris Martin congratulating us!That's not crazy it's insane!"Alex said kissing Liv's chest.

"Yeah I think it's gonna sound pretty cool when we tell that story to our kids "

"Yeah, you won't need this to be cool, every body know you'll be the cool mom and I'll be the strict, rigid mom."

"You forgot hot, mom "Liv replied laughing.

"Yeah I'm gonna be a MILF! Oh Liv I can't wait to be your wife "Alex whispered relieved.

"I know me neither, see I finally proposed, I know you thought this day would never come, but it did "

"To be perfectly honest I didn't expect you to propose tonight, we were so busy packing to be ready to move next month..."

"I know, I wanted you to be surprised and things to be perfect and they were "

"Yes they were, Can I ask you something?"Alex asked seriously.

"Yes princess tell me.."Liv replied a bit worried.

"I want to try to have a baby, as soon as we get married "Alex said as fast as she could.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I want a little Benson running around laughing, I can't wait to feel her growing inside me "

"Her?"

"Yes, of course it's gonna be a girl I want her to have your eyes and your kindness and your laugh..."

"I don't care as long as she or he is healthy And besides she will probably have blonde hair and blue eyes.."Liv said deputed.

"Oh Liv, I hope I could change your mind about having a kid with your genes, I know you prefer If I carry her because my job is safer then yours, but I would really love if we use one of your eggs "Alex said knowing that Liv was never going to change her mind, she would never want her kid to have her genes, never!

"I love you for trying again to convince me, but I can't risk having a child with my genes, but don't worry I will raise her with all my love as if she was my own blood "

"Ok babe I get it don't worry but are we sure we want her to inherit my temper .?"Alex said laughing.

"Good point, well we will have to be careful when choosing the donor. But to be completely honest I was kinda hoping we would enjoy married life a bit before trying to have a child."Liv said as gently as possible.

"Ok, then we'll wait you're right as soon as we have a child it's never gonna be just the two of us ever again, so we better wait..."

"Exactly, I think when we are both ready it will just be obvious you know "

"I know , I learned to trust you and to do things your way.."

"Good girl Tell me Alex you're gonna make me suffer for making your face turn red in front of 20 000 people right?"

"Oh babe, you have no idea. You ever heard story about brides who literally drove their grooms crazy planning of the wedding right?"

"Yes I did. "Liv replied terrified.

"Well let just say that none of them were me "

"Oh boy What Have I done?"Liv asked herself.

"Don't worry babe I will try not to drive you insane,just crazy "

"Thanx babe I feel so much better "Liv said kissing Alex.

They fell asleep knowing that the next day will be the beginning of the rest of their lives together and that was when the real challenge would start

_Fix you :_

_When you try your best but you don't succeed._

_When you get what you want but not what you need._

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse._

_And the tears come streaming down your face._

_When you lose something you can't replace._

_When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you..._

_And high up above or down below..._

_When you're too in love to let it go..._

_But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you_

_Tears stream down your face ..._

_When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I_

_Tears stream down your face ..._

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I_

_Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you..._

**I hope you liked it! Review for more!**


	33. Fearlessness

**Author's note: I don't know what go into me but I wrote part of that chapter listening to "I don't wanna miss a thing" By Aerosmith...:)**

_"Scars remind us where we've been, they don't dictate where we are going."_

Chapter 32:

Fearlessness:

Alex and Liv woke up the next morning around 11am emotionally and physically exhausted by last night events.

"Hey Mrs Benson, how do you feel today?"Liv said kissing her future's wife forehead.

"I like the sound of that."Alex replied smiling.

"I want everyone to know you're my wife too but Cabot-Benson sounds better.I don't want to give up anymore then you already did."

"I know...I'm so glad you finally proposed, I'm sorry for pressuring you.I hope you didn't propose because you felt like you had to."

"Absolutely not.I love you I always have. Actually I bought the ring for Christmas but the moment wasn't right for me but ever since we signed for our house, you became so sad. I could see and feel you were disappointed.I mean were were going to buy a house but I still wouldn't ask you to marry me."

"I have to confess I was a bit desappointed. I felt like you still didn't trust me and that you were still expecting me to fail you and to screw up and my self esteem got hurt..."

"I'm sorry babe, I do trust you, I know you came a long way since we broke up and I'm proud of you, I love you I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."Liv apologised kissing Alex.

"Don't apologise,the proposal was perfect...I'm glad you waited."

"So Am I ."Liv whispered.

"Liv, not that I don't want to enjoy this moment, but we need to talk about something important."Alex said seriously.

"Tell me Princess."Liv asked worried.

"I think I'm gonna have to resign as your ADA."Alex stated.

"Are you sure?Do you have there a law or a rule that forbids you to be my wife and our ADA?"

"I have to check with Mac Coy. It was fine when we were only dated because no one really needed to know we were together, no one actually cared about it but being married is official, especially if I take your name."

"True, I guess you don't want to give any ammunition to defense lawyers to plead conflict of interest."Liv agreed.

"No I don't, so maybe I could transfer to homicide."Alex suggested.

"You could, what ever you decide to do I will support you, but I will miss you..."

"I will miss you too, but maybe it's for the best. I mean being married and working together can be tricky, being together 24/7 is great at first, but we all need some space you know..."

"I get your point, not to mention that if we argue at work we would without a doubt bring the argument and tension back home."

"Exactly my point.I will talk to Mac Coy tomorrow ok?"

"Take your time, I want to enjoy working with you a bit longer, how about we invite him to our engagement party and you have a talk with him during the party?"

"I like that idea..When do you want to announce that we are engaged? I mean I guess Eliot already knows..."

"No he doesn't but I'm pretty sure that my proposal is gonna be all over the news soon, but we could announce it today if you want and do the engagement party at the same time as our house warming party."

"That's why I'm marrying you, you're always so prepared."

"I guess you gave me some of that control freak disease of yours."

"I guess I did, Actually I would like to take a few days off and enjoy our engagement before telling everybody, if they learn it on the news, great but I just want to be with you and enjoy it with you only you."

"Oh sweetheart what's wrong?You look so sad right now,is it about your dad, because I promised you he will be present on our wedding day and he will."

"It's ok Liv, I already prepared myself to ask Cragen or Mac Coy to give me his arm for the wedding. It's just I'm a bit scared, I've been dying for you to propose but now, I'm scared to death, I'm sorry, you must regret proposing already."

"Oh Alex , you will never get it!I love you for who you are and that includes your fears and doubts and 's true that I love how confident about yourself and about us you've been since we got back together, I love that assurance that you lost in the WPP but I do love you even if you're scared."

"I know I'm sorry.I guess getting married is scary for anyone, but I have no doubts about us, just about my ability to make you happy..."

"Oh Alex you already have, you can't imagine how happy I am right now.."Liv said getting out of bed.

"Where are you going?"Alex asked a bit worried.

"I will be right back, I have a little something for you."Liv said winking at Alex.

5 Minutes later Liv was back from the bathroom and lay down right next to Alex.

"Oh Liv, you fearlessness necklace, I can't accept it, you've been wearing it for years."

"I know, but I want it to wear it, you deserve it, I should have given it to you that night when you left, but I was so paralyzed by the thought of loosing you again that I could barely move."Liv said staring crying.

"I'm right here now and I'm not going anywhere ever again without you."Alex said taking Liv in her arms.

They spent the rest of the day in bed Liv's head on Alex's chest. She could her heart beating, it was beating for they both knew that as long as they were together everything would be knew though that what Alex needed was her promised her he would be there at their wedding, and she was going to make sure he will even if it means handcuff him to a chair.

**Yeah I know lame chapter, sorry I've been busy and inspiration is quite slow...Sorry...**

**Next chapter : Meeting Judge Cabot Part II**


	34. What if?

**Happy new Year ya allllllllllllllllll!**  
**My god I had way too much Ice Cream, I was working today so I had to be reasonable. Anyway, enjoy this new year and I wish you health and wealth and love...Yes love is important not only find find someone to share your life, but actually loving living is important and stopping hating each other and forgive the people who hurt us seems like a good thing to do, I know I did forgive people who hurt me last year, and I feel so good about this new year!I think I like the way this story is going I have so many ideas, so many new directions I want to try...maybe more dramas,thing you can't even imagine...I hope I won't disappoint you.**

Chapter 34:

What if?

As usual Alex and Liv spent their sunday in bed but Liv took time to think about Alex and her dad and she decided to go see him and convince him to change his mind.  
She decided to tell Alex the truth, she didn't want to have to face Alex's anger if she lied to her about visiting her dad.

"Hey babe, slept well?"Liv asked entering the kitchen.

"I slept in your arms so of course I slept well..."Alex replied making a pot of coffee.

"So Alex, I need to talk to you about something..."Liv carefully said.

"Let me guess, you're going to see my father today?"Alex replied.

"Good Lord Alex you can't know me that well and predict my actions like that, otherwise the next 50 years are going to be boring."Liv said wrapping her arms around her fiancee.

"Life will never be boring with you Liv, I'm sure of that."Alex replied rubbing Liv's arm.

"Aren't you angry with me?"

"I'm not, I knew you were going to see him, I figured you would do it soon, cause you know just as well as I do that if he does change his mind it won't happen over night."

"So you do want him to change his mind?"Liv asked surprised.

"He's my dad, I love him, but to be honest with you, he hurt me, he hurt you so I'm actually not sure if I want to see him at our wedding, I can't forgive him that easily."

"I understand, but in the end, you're a good person and I'm sure you will find a way to understand why he did what he did and to forgive him. I will try to make him talk to you, but if neither of you want it, I won't force it."

"Then, don't go see him. I know he meant what he said, he loves me, but I think he loved the idea of me being the perfect prodigal daughter more, there is nothing you can do or say to make him stop seeing me as a failure."

"You're not a failure, you're the most bravest , most accomplished and most successful woman I know ."Liv said kissing the back of he head, trying to reassure her.

"Not to mentionned engaged to the hottest detective in town."

"Exactly my point. He has all the reasons to be proud of his little girl."

"In his book I am a failure, if he has to change his mind it has to come from him, by his own reflection and thinking you know, not because you asked him."

"If that's what you really want, then I won't go talk to him for now...I won't do anything you don't want me to even if it breaks my heart I guess I have to let you do things your own way. But he will be there at our wedding one way or another."

"If you say so...Anyway you know tomorrow we sign the paper for the house, so we have to go trough them before going to work today."

"Oh come on Alex you're the lawyer, how about you tell me if everything is in order and I will just sign them tomorrow?"

"Aren't you interested to read the actual thing?"

"I am, but you're the lawyer. I'm sure you read it over and over and that everything is fine and the house matches all the safety laws..."

"Yeah I did double checked that the house was safe, the roof has been redone 5 years ago and according to the contractor I sent , it's in excellent shape and so is the rest of the house, no termites, no leaks, nothing."

"A contractor?I see you took care of everything already."

"Yeah sorry I didn't tell you, it was last week when I was mad at you, after we decided to buy it and the house and you still wouldn't propose.."

"I'm never going to hear the end of this Aren't I?"

"No you're not...I will tell our kids how long you made me wait, when you knew I was dying for you to propose..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Let me finish, but I will also tell them how crazy and insanely romantic your proposal was and how long YOU actually waited for me to come back to you, you've always been so patient with me."Alex continued kissing Liv.

"What else could have I done?When you were in the program the only thing I could do was waiting and hoping that you would come back, and then when we broke up I could only wait until you were ready..."

"And I thank you for that, I needed time to think and to put my life together and you gave me the love and support but also space . When I was in the program it was hard to be away from you, every morning I would wake up and say to myself that I actually dead because you were away from me."

"I know babe, I felt the same every single day, but knowing that you were alive kept me alive too.I swear I wanted to just go to the marshalls and beg them to put me in the program with you."

"They wouldn't have accepted..But would you have given up your life for you, I mean your carrer, you friends?"

"Life without you isn't living it's barely surviving, if you would have asked me to come with you that night when you said goodbye I would have said yes in an heartbeat."

"Oh Liv, I wanted to ask you but I didn't want you to give up your life for me..."Alex said taking her in her arms.

"Sometimes I ask myself what our lives would have been if we had entered the program together.."Liv whispered.

**Yes, what about if Liv had followed Alex in the WPP?What do you think about a chapter telling what their lives could have been?**


	35. What could have been?

**So I had this crazy idea: What if Alex and Liv admitted their feelings to eachother when Alex came to say goodbye that night?**

Chapter 35:

What could have been:

"What do you think is going on here?"Eliot asked Liv.

"I have no idea but we're about find out."Liv said poiting a black svu.

"Hey guys."Alex said getting off the car.

"Alex!You're supposed to be dead, we're going to your funeral tomorrow, I notified your parents myself."Olivia said unable to restrain her tears.

"I know and you have to go , I'm very sorry but I woke in the hospital and the marshalsl told me I was dead, officially dead,but I wanted to say goodbye."

"They're putting you in the WWP?"Eliot asked.

"Yes, I'm so sorry."Alex whispered going back in the car.

"Don't go, I love you."Liv screamed.

"You what?"Alex asked getting off the car again.

"I love you Alexandra, I'm in love with you, I've always been, I just had issues admitting it to myself, but you died, in my arms you bled out and I couldn't save you and I spent the past 2 days realizing my feelings for you and beating myself up for not telling you before."Liv confessed.

"Oh Liv, I love you too, I always have I just couldn't accept it either, for political reasons, or because I wasn't raised thinking being gay was ok."Alex confessed as well.

"Then take me with you, I won't loose you again, I won't survive it this time."Liv said grabbing her by her hips.

"I can't ask you to give up your life, your career for me, to live afraid for you life."ALex stated with regret.

"Life without you isn't life it's barely survival, I don't care about my carreer."

"How about Eliot?"

"Eliot can you understand?"Liv asked her partner.

"Liv, I love you like a sister, I can't live my life without you in it, but I can see how much you love each other and I have to desire of watching you being miserable for the rest of your life."Eliot replied taker Liv in his arms.

"Thanx partner please say goodbye to Fin and Much for me."

"I will."Eliot promised unable to hold his tears.

"Captain, I don't know where to start, ever since I joined the unit you acted more like a father then a boss to me. You always understand my motivations to do this job and you also knew that being a woman would make things harder for me but you never treated me any different, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, you're the best female detective, I 've ever worked with, I know I will miss you, but this job almost took everything away from us, our famillies, our sanity, don't loose your chance."Don Cragen said holding her thight.

"It's a done deal, I'm going with you."Liv said to Alex.

"Oh Liv I love you."Alex said kissing her her for the first time.

"Let's go ladies, detective I hope you understand what you're doing, if you choose to join Alex in the program there is no coming back."The marshall said.

"I know what I'm doing now please take me home so I can grab a few things and then take me into the program with Alex."

Liv knew what this meant. She would never see Eliot or the guys ever she would be with Alex and it was all that matter.

**So at first I wanted to write a full chapter describing their lives in the program but I thought it would be a good idea to integrate this memories in other chapters, it would be like flashbacks expect they would be fake, what do you think?**


	36. My Dear Olivia

**I cant believe this is chapter number 37!I thought I'd quit after 10 chapters, but the more I write the more inspired I get!I think that I will stop after the wedding and just write a sequel, I don't wanna end up writing a story with 100 chapters it would be boring for people who never read my story to have to read the whole thing...what do you think about a post wedding sequel?**

Chapter 37:

My dear Olivia:

"Liv..Are you still with me?"Alex said caressing Liv's hair.

"Yes I am, I'm sorry."Liv murmured.

"What were you thinking about?"Alex asked .

"I was just thinking of what would have had happened if I had told you I loved you that night."Liv replied with such regrets in her voice.

"Oh Liv stop thinking what could have been,instead try to enjoy what we do have right here, right here,please?"Alex begged.

"I know, and trust me I enjoy our life together a lot but I can't stop thinking that if I had been there for you when you were away you wouldn't have come back so damaged, you wouldn't have been all alone to face it.

"I know but you're here from me now, it's all that matters, you helped me go trough it, when I was away more then you know and ever since I came back."

"I just feel I failed you, I mean my job was to protect you and you got shot and I couldn't do anything then I you entered the program and I stood there watching you leave when I could have grew a pair and tell you how I felt right there that night."

"Stop saying that, It all happened so fast, but if you want to make it up to me there is something you can do for me."Alex asked moving towards the living room.

"Tell me, I'd do anything."Liv said following her fiancee.

"There is something I'd like you to do before we get married, I would like, well I actually need you to read my diary, the one I gave you for xmas."Alex said handing the Journal to Liv.

"I know,I'm planning to I just didn't have time lately I'm sorry."

"I know and it's alright , but I need you to know the person I while in the program. I know you have time to read it because we won't get married next week, but right now you look so down, so maybe reading it now you will reassure you, and that you will really see that the thought of you kept me alive."

'"If it 's important to you I will read it right now…I'm not on duty till 6 pm so go to work and let me read it!"Liv joked pointing the door.

"Alright Detective I will see you tomorrow, God I hate when you work night shifts…"Alex said kissing Liv goodbye.

"I know but you have to confess you like to have our bed to yourself…."Liv teased accompanying her to the door.

"No, id rather have less space but being in your arms, anyway I'm leaving if you need anything I'll be on my cell."Alex said walking towards the door.

Liv sat on the couch with a cup of coffee and some muffins and started to page started with _My dear Olivia._

_My dear Olivia._

_It's been a month since I joined the program and I figured it would be a good thing to keep a journal. I specifically instructed Hammond to give it to you if anything happens to me and I trust he would do it._

_It's hard, being away from you is so hard.I can't stop thinking about that look you gave me when I left, filled with tears._

_ I wish I had told you how I felt about you a long time ago. Actually I didn't really know how I felt or what I felt for you before I was taken away from you and had all the time to think about it. _

_Or maybe I was just lying to myself, because having feelings for you, romantic feelings doesn't really fit in my 20 years plans. _

_Yes I did have a 20 years career plan: after I finished Law school, everything was prepared:I was going be an ADA for a few years, then be promoted as bureau chief and then years later run for DA. My whole life was planned for me since I started law school. _

_But you, meeting you and loving you was never part of the that makes it even better because I think the best things in life are the thing you never expected to you my dear you just caught me by surprise. _

_I just remember the first time we met, you were so passionate about your job about kids and you were so...sexy..I wasn't hard for me to fall for you.I always saw myself with a guys, big house, good job ,kids you know the stereotypical life. _

_But this was planned for me by my dad, tradition, society. I got a bit tired of doing what was expected of me. And working with you gave me the opportunity to explore my "rebel" side. I think you never expected me "little miss perfect" to be so aggressive in court or being held in contempt ._

_I wouldn't have believed it myself, but damn it felt good, not being the perfect soldier, and crossing the line for once. And I think I crossed the line this time and It went to far, I'm sorry for putting you in danger, and Eliot and the squad._

_ I hope someday you will forgive me for failing you like that._

_But what I truly hope is that I will be able to come back one day and spend the rest of my life making it up to you and this dream is what is going to keep me alive from now on._

_I'm going to fight to stay alive and come back to you and tell you how I feel hoping you feel the same. I might not be ADA Alexandra Cabot anymore but deep down I know I still have it in me to win this. My love for you will give me the strenght to survive and to come back to you._

_Love,_

_Alex._

Liv closed the diary and wiped the tears of her face. So Alex really loved her all along and their love was what helped her always thought she failed her, but she didn't. She realised if she wanted to be happy with Alex she had to stop beating herself up for failing her. She wouldn't anymore, she loved Alex and Alex loved her, it all that mattered.

**_So guys I hope you like that chapter. I kept that diary thing in a corner of my head since the "xmas "chapter knowing that I would use it at some point..So in the future I might just integrate some other entries of Alex's diary, just like I will include fake memories of their life in the program, hoping it won't be too confusing for you!_**


	37. Making it work

Chapter 38:

Making it work.

Liv spent several hours reading Alex's diary, when she felt comforted enough,she decided to go meet Alex to sign the papers for the house.

When she arrived at their lawyer's office Alex was already in the waiting room.

"Liv what are you doing here?I thought you wanted me to take care of it?."Alex asked obviously surprised.

"I know I'm sorry, the truth is that it's boring but it's our house, OUR home so I need to be here."Liv said kissing her forehead.

"Ok, Well it's going to be boring you know, we will sign the papers I'm going to write a big check, you know."Alex joked trying to be modest.

"A normal day in a Cabot's life."Liv joked.

"Pretty much...So you had time to read my diary?"Alex shyly asked.

"Ye,s I read a few of the wonderful letters you wrote me and I must say you made me cry. I always thought I failed you but now I do feel better, I'm sorry my insecurities won't be a problem anymore."

"I know my love that's why I wanted you to read it so you would stop feeling so let's buy a house."Alex said standing up.

They spent the next hour reading the papers and signing didn't get all of it but she understood the most important: She was finally moving in with Alex.

As they get off the lawyer's office Liv couldn't help thinking how lucky she was. If someone had told her two years ago that today she would be engaged and ready to move in a new house with Alex Cabot she wouldn't have believed it.

As they reach Liv's car Alex could see that Liv was dreaming.

"Hey babe wake up."Alex said kissing Liv's cheek.

"Did we just buy 2.5million dollars house?"Liv said worried.

"Yes and we we're gonna be really happy in it.I already know how I want to transform and rearrange it."

"What have I done?I created a monster, somebody help meeeeeeeeeeeeee."Liv joked.

"Very funny Detective,laugh all you want but wait until you have to carry all the boxes..."

"Come on Alex we just spent a couple millions bucks on a house I'm sure we can offer to pay people to do the heaving lifting."

"I'm sure you can, remember I pay for the house and you pay for the rest?"

"I know thank you for remembering."

Alex knew that letting her buy the house for them was a huge thing for Liv and she was determined to let her pay for anything she wanted from now on.

She knew Olivia wanted to take care of her and she wanted to let her do liked to think of Liv as her savior, her protector, her knight even.

"My god do you realise all the things we need to pack?"Alex realised as they entered her apartment.

"You need to pack, my stuff will probably fit in 5 boxes."

"Really, how come?"

"Well first of all I only have 2 pieces of furniture as I rent my flat fully furnished: my bed and my desk well my mom's desk. And the rest is clothes and gos knows I don't have as much clothes as you and books and some Cd's."

"Well can you blame me for loving fine clothes?"

"No sweetheart I can't blame you for being a fashion victim, but you know what I love more about your clothes?"

"Taking them off?"

"Absolutely."Liv said opening Alex shirt and pushing her on the couch.

"Wait a minute Liv there is something I want to talk to you about."

"Why is it always when I want to make love to you that you want to have a serious talk?"

"Because I like to tease you."

"I know, well tell me."Liv replied putting her serious faceon .

"Well as you can see all the furniture I have here is the one I had in my old apartment."

"Yes I know, your parents kept, they couldn't get rid of it."

"I know and when I came back my dad gave it back to me thinking that It would make me feel better to have my old furniture around, and he was right, I was so lost when I came back, but having familiar objects and my old bed helped me."

"I know it did, let me guess you want us to keep all your furniture instead of buying new one?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I know we said we wanted to start from zero built our own life and get rid of our past but..."

"I get it don't worry but the house is quite big so we will need to buy some though.."

"Well we can put your mother's desk in our bedroom and your bed in the guest room and for other furniture we need for the guest room we will just get some new!"

"I agree, see not even married yet and we agree on everything..."

"I know, thank you for doing things my way on this."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Good point, but you know I have plenty of ideas to redecorate, so you won't have to worry about it,there is only one room I want you to take care of."

"The nursery?"Liv shyly asked.

"Yes, I want you to paint it and choose the furniture and everything. As I will be caring our child I want you to be able a special bond with her.I know it's stupid."

"No it's not and that's why I love you, you're so thoughtful.I will make it my personal mission to make her the most incredible bedroom a child could ever remember babe, but we have time before we can think about having kids."

"I know it's just sometimes I'm still care that you're going to leave me."

"And you think a child would make me stay?"

"I know you would never abandon your own child."Alex said feeling guilty.

"And I will never walk on my own wife I want to have kids, but I don't want you to think it's a way of keeping me from leaving. If we face any problems in our marriage we will talk about it and get trough it together, not because we have a child together OK?I will never quit on us I will always fight as hell to make our marriage work."Liv said trying to reassure her future bride.

"I know I'm sorry I just wanted to show you how much I love you by caring your child, the truth is I think you love kids more then I do you 're better with them."

"Don't say that , I saw you talking to victims and you're great and besides when we have our daughter your maternal instinct will kick in don't worry you're going to be a terrific mom Alex, I know it, I can feel it."

"Thank you , and sorry for the whole having a child to keep you thing, I know you will always fight for us you always did."

"So did you, when I look back I can see how much we both fight and the sacrifices and efforts we both made. And today we're engaged and we just bought a house. I think your desire and our love can make us overcomes anything."Liv said taking Alex into her arms hoping she was right that their love could over come anything.

**I know lame chapter but I don't really have time to write so it's better then nothing right?**


	38. The shooting

Chapter 39:

The shooting:

"Liv?"Alex mumured.

"What's on your mind?"Liv replied still holding her tight.

"I don't want to wait until next month to move into our house."

"Me neither, the sooner the better. I can't even remember how we decided for next month in the first place. Wait I remember, Ithought it would take you that long to pack all your shoes."Liv laughed.

"Stop making fun of me, but you do realise that we get married half of these shoes will belong to you..."

"Well as long as I have the 2 half of your heart, I'm a happy woman."

"And What would make me happy is us moving in as soon as possible so we can start planning the wedding right away."

"Oh right boss, I will do as I'm told."

"I'm sorry Liv, I don't want to be so strict and bossy with you but organising a wedding is almost an art."

"A Cabot's wedding maybe, on my side we do things in a more modest way you know."

"Oh babe I'm sorry, you won't have any family to invite?"

"No I won't but my family is my team so I'm happy but I can tell you right now I won't have more then 5 people to invite and it's perfectly 's not quantity that matter but quality right?"

"Absolutely, small wedding it will be then."

"Alex, if you want a big wedding, I'm gonna give it to you, OK?"

"OK, you know after the Christmas disaster, I expected my family to turn their back on me but they didn't not only my aunt Lila calls me more then she ever did before but I had several open heart conversations with my uncle bill and his kids and he told me most of the family was behind me."

"I'm happy for you babe."Liv whispered. She didn't mentioned Alex's dad because she knew how hurt Alex still was by the situation even if she was denying it.

"So Detective do you think you can take a few days off to help me pack?"

"I think I can arrange that, actually I think with all the unpaid overtime I've done so far I could probably retire."

"Good."

So Liv and Alex spent the next few days packing their stuff until one phone call:

"Benson."

"Liv I need you to go interview a suspect, I'm sorry but Munch is in court all day and we're so busy cragen had to team up with Fin."

"I understand, just text me the adress and I will me you there."

"Let me guess your partner needs you."Alex said standing behind Liv.

"Yes he needs mt to go interrogate a suspect, the guy is probably quite dangerous otherwise he would have gone by himself."

"Stabler being reasonnable? I doubt it he just misses you, I can't blame him."Alex said wrapping her arms around Liv's hips.

"I'll be careful don't worry."

Liv arrived to the suspect's house 30 minutes later.

"El what are you doing behind your car ?"Liv said going out of her car and walking towards El.

"Down Liv, now, he's armed and shooting at me, go down."Eliot shouted towards Liv moving his arms in the air to tell her to go on the ground.

Liv was quite far so she didn't hear him and the time for her to realise what was happening it was too late: she felt a pressure on her stomach.  
She looked down and put her hand on it and saw blood pouring trough her fingers.

"Liv, oh my god no."Eliot screamed running towards his wounded partner.

"El he shot me."Liv said falling into his arms.

"You're going to be OK."Eliot said trying to carry her towards his car."Officer down, I need back up and an ambulance now."El screamed to his radio.

"Alex."Liv whispered.

"Don't talk Liv."El said trying to keep pressure on her wound.

"Tell her I love her."Liv tried to articulate but she couldn't speak she had blood coming trough her mouth.

"You will tell her yourself."El replied holding his tears.

"Promise me you will take care of her."Liv begged.

"I will as soon as you get to the hospital I will personally go to notify her, I swear."Eliot promised knowing that Liv would kill him if he dared sending an officer to notify her.

The ambulance arrived a few minutes later and brought Liv to Mercy hospital, in the mean time El called Cragen he wanted him and Fin and Much to be there as soon as possible.

"El what happened?"Fin said as he entered the ER waiting room.

"I called Liv cause I knew the guy wouldn't come to the precinct without a fight and as soon as I arrived he started shooting at me and then Liv arrived she got of her car, I barely had time to warn her, she was already down."Eliot explained.

"It's not your fault , it happened so fast."Fin replied trying to reach out to him to comfort him but El wouldn't let him.

"Stay here until I get back."

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get Cabot here right now."Eliot said as he walk through the door.

He arrived to Alex's apartment 15 minutes knocked on the door forgetting he had blood all over him.  
As soon as Alex heard him she went to open the door.

"Alex."Eliot said.

"What happened?"

"It's Liv..."

Alex didn't let him finish his sentence as the sound of these words she immediately fall into his arms crying.

"No, tell me she's alive, tell me, I can't live without her."

"She's alive, the doctors are working on her right now and Cragen and Fin and Munch are waiting for an update."

"Take me to see her."Alex said trying to stand up but she couldn't: her legs were shaking so hard that it was impossible for her to move.

"It's OK Alex take your time."

"No I can't fail her now, my wife needs me I have to be strong for her."

"It's ok just let it go for a minute, you can be as strong as you want when we're at the hospital but right now just let it go for a minute."Eliot said caressing Alex's head.

They stayed on the floor in the hallway for a several minutes before going to visit Liv.

**I know pretty intense! I don't know if I Liv's injuries are going to be severe or not, stay tuned to find out!**

**Just to tease you a bit: there's gonna be quite a fight between Alex and Liv's Doctor!**


	39. Don't mess with Alex Cabot

Chapter 40:

Don't mess with Alex Cabot:

After several minutes Alex finally stood up and decided she needed to put herself together and go see Liv.

"Take me to see her now please."Alex said wipping the tears off her face.

"Ok. let's go."Eliot replied taking Alex's coat and helping her puting it on.

They arrived at Mercy several minutes later and Alex took a big breath before entering the waiting room.

"How is she?"Alex asked expecting the worse.

"We don't know yet they refuse to give us any news because we're not family."Fin replied annoyed by the attitude he was given by the doctors.

"He mom is dead, WE are her family. This is ridiculous. I'm going to take care of this, Doctor."Alex said waving at one of the doctors who refused to update Fin.

"Yes,I'm Doctor Torini, I'm the physician who take Detective Benson in when she arrived."

"How is she?"Alex asked worried.

"And you are?"The doctor asked almost shocked that she asked.

"I'm Alexandra, I'm her fiancee."

Alex realised it was actually the first time she introduced herself as Liv's fiancee.

"I'm sorry mam, but if you're not married so I can't give you any information."He replied with a very cold voice.

Poor Doctor didn't know who he was talking to and he had yet to learn what he would cost him to defy ADA Alexandra Cabot.

"I think I have not made myself clear. I'm Assistant District Attorney Alexandra ..."

He didn't even let her finish:

"I understand Detective Benson works for you but.."

Enough was enough Alex take a step towards him and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Let me finish, I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot as in the Cabot Foundation, there is a freaking wing of this hospital with my name on it!So I think I don't need to tell you that I have the director, your boss on speed dial and if you push me I will go after your job, and if you persist I will sue you for negligence and trust me you don't want to fight me in court. I will bury you so deep in it that you wont be able to breath, do you understand me?"Alex asked trying to catch her breath.

"Yes Miss Cabot I understand you very well, I apologise."The doctor said obviously scared.

"Good,now take me to my wife."Alex politely asked.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Detective Benson is in surgery, I took the bullet out but there was damage I couldn't fix myself."

"Is she going to be ok?"

"I hope so, let me take you and your colleagues to surgery you can wait there."

"Thanks Doctor."

"We should have warned him not to mess up with Cabot?"Eliot said to Fin.

"You're kidding me?It was way to funny to see him wet his pants like that."Fin replied smilling.

"Here we go please sit here A nurse will update you as soon as possible but I have to get back to the ER."

"Thank you Doctor."Alex said.

Alex, Fin, And El stayed here until a nurse would eventually show her to update them. Cragen and Munch decided to go back to the scene and take the bastard down for good.

After 2 hours, 2 long hours a nurse finally came of the OR:

"Olivia Benson?"The nurse asked walking towards them.

"We are her family."Eliot and Fin said at the same time.

"And I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot, I'm her fiancee,please tell me she's alright."

"Well as you know Detective Benson was shot , a single gunshot wound to her abdomen."

"Yes we know."

_To be Continued..._

**I know it's "evil" of me to write such a cliffhanger but I like things to be realistic and as my medical knowledge is limited I need to do some research before writing the tuned...**


	40. Waiting

Chapter 41:

Waiting:

"So as you also know Dr Torini took of the bullet but which actually entered the abdomen and ricocheted on her left kidney and then entered her left lung.

"Is she gonna be ok?"Alex asked squeezing El's hand really hard.

"Yes she will, we were able to repair the damages to her kidney and her lung but she's still unconscious. The next 25 hours will be critical.

"What the worse that can happen?"El asked still holding Alex's hand.

"The damage to her kidney was quite severe so she could go into renal failure."

"My god, this isn't happening."Alex cried.

"Liv is strong she's going to fight this and win don't worry and if she needs a kidney I 'll give her one : we're the same blood type is there anything we can do?"

"If you're A+ as well you can volunteer in case she needs a transfusion."The nurse replied.

" Don't tell me you're running out of A+, it's not like she was AB- it's not that rare!"Alex yelled shocked that an huge hospital like Mercy could be lacking blood of such a common type.

" I apologize but we're actually running out of every blood type we gave detective Benson the last to unit of A+ we had."

"Is this because of the incident of this construction site?"Fin asked.

"Yes we received 40 critical patients , everything is under control now but we used all the blood we had and it will take us a few hours to refill our stock."

"It's OK I'm happy to help my partner."Eliot said.

"In that case follow me Detective, Miss Cabot I know you're going to ask me to see your fiancee and you will be able to see her very soon. She's going to be transferred into intensive care until she regain consciousness .If you have any questions feel free to ring or my director I heard you have it on speed dial."

"Oh, I see news travel fast."Alex joked bit embarrassed.

"Yes, you scared Doctor Torino, and you were right to challenge him, he's an excellent doctor, probably the best in the ER but he seriously lack social skills. I will prepare Detective Stabler and then I will take you to see her."

"Thank you."

"Are you OK?"Fin shyly asked.

"I bought her an engagement ring yesterday."

"And you till haven't giving it to her."

"No we've been so busy packing that I didn't have time. I was planning a romantic dinner for tonight and I wanted to give it to her then."

"Don't worry you will have all the time to give it to her very just breathe and try to relax."Fin said taking Alex in his arms.

A few minutes later the nurse came back and took Alex to see Liv in intensive care. She was just laying there in this hospital bed,immobile,breathing so slowly. This image scared Alex. She was scared that Liv would never wake it also comforted her in what she already knew: she couldn't live without knew Liv would need her during her recovery and she was determinted to be the best nurse ever and to marry her as soon as her health would allow it.

**I know quick chapter...I wanted to write a very medical chapter and I figured"No one gives a crap about reading complicated medical stuff" :)**

**Next chapter will be Eliot centered with a very special guest ,so stay tuned!**


	41. Eliot's plans

Chapter 41:  
Eliot's plan(s)

"Hey Fin, how are they?"Eliot asked putting his jacket back on.

"Well as you can see Liv is still unconscious and Alex, well I don't know, I always saw her so strong and I think now she needs us , we need to be there for her and for them when Liv will wake up."

"I agree, and I have a plan, well I have two plans."

"Tell me what you have in mind."

"Well Liv told me they were packing and they were almost done."

"Yes Alex mentioned it."

"Well when Liv get discharged the last thing that would help her is going back to a house that looks like a battle field and where she can't take a step without hitting a box, so i figured as she's probably going to stay here for a while.."

"You thought we can move their things into their new house so that when Liv is finally discharged they both get to go home to their new house."

"Yes exactly."

"I love your idea man, I 'm in."

"OK then I think we need to find a truck I'm sure Fin and Cragen will be happy to help."

"How about you, you told me you had a second idea."

"Yes, we all love Alex, she's family now but what she really needs right now is her dad."

"You think you can convoke him to come here?He hates Liv."

"Yes but he loves his daughter and I'm sure he doesn't want her to go trough the pain she went trough when his wife was sick alone."

"Ok, good luck with him, I will arrange everything with Munch and Cragen."

"Good."

So Eliot decided to go talk to Alex's dad .

"Yes I'm coming."Alexander Cabot said before opening the door.

"I'm very sorry to disturb you Sir, I'm Detective Stabler, I work with your daughter."

"Oh my god has something happened?"Alex's dad replied with terror in his eyes.

"Yes something happened but Alex is fine at least physically, May I come in?"

"Yes, you tell me what happened."

"Well, My partner Detective Benson was shot this morning she's at Mercy hospital."Eliot explained.

"This is awful, is she going to be ok?"Alexander asked genuily worried.

"She will be, but right now she's in intensive care and your daughter is there with her holding her hands and she needs you now more then ever."

"I doubt she needs me she made it clear that she wasn't my daughter anymore that she wasn't a Cabot anymore because I refused to accept her new lifestyle."

"Alex is still a Cabot trust me sir."

"And how would you know that?"

"Well because when the Doctor refused to give her any news not only she treatened to sew him and also made it quite clear she was A cabot and reminded him that there was actually a wing of this hospital with your name on it and that she had the director on speed dial."

"That's my girl, always so dramatic, just like her mother."

"You see she's still your daughter and you're still her father, I don't know what happened exactly what happened between the two of you but I know it's your job to be there for her."

"I appreciate your concern Detective but the issue between my daugther and I is none of your business."

"See right here, you as stubborn as her. Look I know it's none of my business but your daughter is in when your wife was dying, I'm sure you would have liked her to be there."

"It was the most painful thing I've ever done, leting her go, after looser Alexandra, the pain was excruciating and being alone only made it worse."

"Exactly my point, do you want your daughter to feel the same pain or are your going to act like a real father and put your pride aside and do your job which is doing everything in your power to make sure your child doesn't suffer to much and isn't alone in the worse period of her life?"

"She's not alone, she has you and your colleague."

"You know it's not the same, there is only so much I can do, please Sir."

So will Judge Cabot put his pride aside and go help his daughter?  



	42. Reconciliation?

**I always knew Alex's dad would come around and apologise and be there for the wedding but I always thought Liv would be the one talking to him to convince him. But then Liv got shot and my plans changed. I also thought about keeping him out of their lives but I know what it's like not to have a dad and I couldn't do that to Alex. Oh my god now I'm talking about Alex like she was real, as an other author said I feel like my characters are part of my life now...I know lame...Anyway I have more drama to come so erasing her dad from her life was a bit too much :)**

Chapter 43:

Reconciliation?

"You know what Detective?You're right take to my daughter please."

"With pleasure Sir."

When they arrived Alex was still at Liv's face was wet with tears and her eyes were almost break Mr Cabot's heart to see his daughter in such pain.

"Alexandra."He shyly whispered while entering Liv's room.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"Alex said whipping the tears off her face.

"Detective Stabler told me what happened and convinced me to come to see you."

"I'm going to kill him."Alex said.

"I'm sorry Alexandra, I realise now it wasn't a good idea, I know you probably don't want to see me here after the way I behaved.I will be leaving now."

"Stay, please stay, I was stupid and stubborn as well, and to be honest I don't want to fight with you, we'll talk about us later, now Liv is my only concern."

"I know dear and I'm only here to help you and Olivia ."Alexander Cabot said putting his hand on his daughter's shoulder.

"I'm marrying her dad."

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me dad, I'm marrying her. She proposed a few weeks ago."

"That's wonderful Alexandra, congratulations."he replied taking her into his arms.

"And just before she proposed we bought a house , we signed the papers a few days ago and we were supposed to move in next week, we were actually packing when Eliot , what am I going to do?I can't live without her, I can't I tried when I was in the program and it almost killed me."Alex said crying rushing in her dad's comforting arms.

"Don't worry nothing is going to happen to her, I promise, Detective Stabler told me that her kidney was damaged and that she might go into renal failure. I will make sure she receives the best care here and when she goes home with you and I will pray that she won't need dialyses or God forbid a kidney transplant but if that happens I will take care of it."

"Thank you daddy."

Alex hadn't call him daddy in years, but right now she was just like a little girl who was hurt and who needed her daddy to make it OK.

"So tell me a little more about the house and the wedding?How did she proposed?"

"She took me to a concert at the Madison Square Garden and before the last song the singer dedicated the song to me and all the sudden the lights were directed on me and Liv was on her knee with a ring in her hand."

"How romantic!"

"I know, I think I may have pressured her a little bit. The week before we visited a house in Greenwhich Village we made an offer and the owners accepted it, but she hadn't proposed yet and I got upset, I couldn't wait for her to propose."

"Patience was never your best quality my love."

"I know but we talked about it and then I thought she would propose at Christmas before she met the family but she didn't and then we bought the house and she still wouldn't propose, I felt like she didn't trust me that she was scared I would hurt her again you know?"

"I don't know Detective Benson that much, but she made it quite clear to me that she had no doubt about spending the rest of her life with you, I think she just wanted things to be perfect."Mr Cabot said trying to reassure her.

"I know dad, I feel so stupid sometimes."

"That's called being in love my dear, it happens to the best of us."Alexander Cabot joked trying to make her laugh.

"You do realise that I'm actually marrying her dad. It's not a phase, I am marrying a woman, a Working class Detective."

"I know dear, I know and I have reacted like a snob, old fashioned man, looking back at the nice conversation I had with Detective Benson I realise that she truly loves you and that she will protect you and respect you and make sure you have everything you deserve until the day she dies.I can only respect that."

"That who she is: she takes care of me, more then she takes care of herself,she always puts my happiness first and made a lot of sacrifices and concessions to be with me. I can assure you that I'm in good hands with her."

"I'm happy for you , I'm not getting any older and what matters to me is to know that you have someone taking care of you and protecting you when I'm not here anymore."

"Liv will be. But look, I'm not ready to forgive what you did to me and I'm certainly not ready to forgive what you did to my fiancee and neither is she. But Liv would want me to give you a second chance. So I'm going to try to forgive you but it will take time."

"I understand I will be patient and do everything I can to make it up to you and to Olivia."Alexander Cabot said truly meaning each word.

He knew it would take time for them to rebuilt their relationship. He knew he had a long way to be worthy of their trust again.

"Fine, I believe you mean what you just said but I'm warning you from now on you will give her the respect that she deserves, if you so much as criticizes her once I will erase you out of my life for you and you will never get to see your grand daughter grow up."Alex said determined to act or her treat if her dad didn't behave himself.

"Grand daughter?Are you...?"

"No I'm not pregnant yet but Liv and I want kids and I already decided It's going to be a little girl."Alex said holding Liv's hand tight.

"Of course you did, of course you did."Alexander Cabot said .

He was happy to see his daughter so confident about her relationship and confident in she came back from the program he thought he would never see her so strong and happy again.  
Of course he tried to help as much as he could, but he knew it was Olivia that truly helped her getting her life together and for that he would be thank full for that for the rest of his life.  
Father and daughter spent several hours just looking at Liv, expecting, hoping that she would wake up. They didn't talk much more, maybe it was too besides what Alex needed was her dad's presence, not his sense of conversation.


	43. Waking up

**Quick chapter. I wrote in in like 15 minutes at work before my shift around 7.30 am. My god I'm insane. I've been listening to shakira's song Antologia this morning and it just inspired. I love shakira so much and she just announced that she broke up with her fiance of 11 years. that broke my heat they were my role model couple!I mean it they broke up, it doesn't leave much hope for us"regular" couple. So I guess I feel a bit romantic these days.**

**As I said before I never expected to write over 40 chapters, if you want me to stop tell me :)**

**Anyway I think I won't do a sequel, I will just finish this story and with what I have planned it will probably take another 40 chapters before I feel satisfied enough to write:_ "And they live happily ever after."_**

**Anyway enough talking!**

Chapter 44:

Waking up:

For 7 days and 7 nights Alex and her dad stayed at Liv's bedside. Eliot told him about his plan of moving them in their house.

Alexander thought it was a great a role was to keep Alex to go back home. It wasn't hard because she refused to leave her fiance's side even to sleep.

She took showers in the bathroom of Liv's room. She had a bed installed as well so she could take some rest.

Until Liv finally woke the first person she saw was her future father in law:

"Oh my god,I'm dead and I must be in hell."Liv whispered fighting to open her eyes.

"Oh god, Liv, you're 're not dead my dad is here with us."Alex said happy and surprised to see the love of her life finally waking up.

"Why?"

"Eliot saw how miserable I was and he convinced him to come to support me, he's been here for a week, days and nights he never left your side."Alex proudly replied.

"Thank you Sir for taking care of Alex."Liv said trying to stand up in her bed.

"Don't move sweat heart, and don't try to talk to much."

"What happened, I was shot wasn't I?"

The only thing Liv could remember was the pain when the bullet entered her flesh and falling into Eliot arms.

"Yes you were darling, but do not worry you're going to be fine, doctors were worried about you left kidney but it seems that it's fine."Alexander Cabot said taking Liv's arms.

Liv was surprised that not only he stayed here for days but that he would show so much interest in her recovery.

"I hate you!"Alex suddenly said shocking her dad and Liv.

"I'm sorry babe, it's the first time I got shot on the job." Liv said blaming herself for scaring herself.

"I'm warning you if you ever scare me again like that...I will probably go insane.I love you so much. I need you too much to loose you, please don't ever do that to me again."Alex begged rushing on into Liv's arms.

"Ouch."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you."Liv apologized as her heart broke seeing that Alex was in so much pain.

"It's ok, looks like we are scars buddies now."Liv joked looking at the scar on her chest.

"The bullet perforated your lung, the surgeon had no other choice but to open you from the belly up."Alexander said.

"It's ok Sir I'm alive it's all that matter, Alex what's that?"Liv asked looking at the ring on her finger.

"I think I'm going to give you some privacy now, congratulations and welcome into our crazy uptight family"Alex's dad said.

"Your engagement ring, I bought it the day before you got shot I was planning to give it to you that night."

"It's beautiful Alex as beautiful and pure as you and as my love for you."Liv said kissing Alex's forehead.

"I know you wanted to plan the wedding and I know you're in no shape to get married but I had great plans and ideas when you were ...sleeping."

"I want to marry you as soon as I'm discharged I don't want to wait, so as soon as I'm in good enough shape to give you the wedding night and honey moon you deserve we can get married, and if you had ideas good for us. Organizing has always been your thing anyway."

"Ok. And before you ask my dad knows and we finally have his blessing."

"I'm happy you gave him a second chance."

"You gave me a second chance and look where we are today."Alex smiled.

Liv and Alex spent a while talking and making plans for their future. A future that from now own would be as happy as they thought.

**I know Liv shouldn't be talking but I didn't want to make her weak on anything, she will be in pain in the future and recovery won't be a piece of cake but right now I just wanted them to talk for a the wedding is coming soon. I have the perfect set up in my head I'm sure nobody will ever guess what I have planned :)**


	44. Surprise visitor

Chapter 45:

Surprise Visitor:

For the next few days Liv stayed at the hospital. Alex refused to leave her side, she would only to get so fresh air once in a while when El, Fin, Munch or Cragen came to visit until one day one very special visitor came into Liv's room.

"May I come in?"Casey shyly asked.

"Casey of course come in, I'm happy to see you."Liv said trying to stand up in her bed.

"So you had to play hero?"Casey joked.

"Not even close!"Liv joked back.

"I know El told me, are you alright now?"Casey asked sitting on the side of Liv's bed.

"Yes I am, thanks for the flowers ."

"I wanted to come earlier but I figured you needed some space. I' m sure the guys can't stop bothering you?"

"Yes they take good care of me, so does Alex."

"I heard, congratulations are in order."Casey said hugging Liv.

"Thank you, now that you're here, I was wondering if you would be my maid of honor, along with Eliot who's going to be my best man."

"So you're really going to marry her?"

"Please don't hate her, I know she took your spot but you seem happy at homicides right?"

"I am, and she didn't take my spot I gave it back to her, it was never mine, you knew she was alive and that she might come back and anyway no one could ever compare to her for you."

"Oh Casey that's not true you know we all love you. Actually when Alex came back she asked about you and she got jealous when I told her how great you were with victims and how you became part of the team. She felt like you had replaced her and that she didn't have her place among us anymore."

"Looks like we have more in common then I thought then."

"You're my friend and I want you at my wedding please try to get to know her because hating her."

"We're friends, when was the last time we had lunch?Ever since she came back the only times we had lunch or just have a drink was when you too broke up and even then you couldn't stop talking about her, during that 6 months we had lunch several time but since you got back together you barely even call me."

"I'm sorry it's just When Alex came back she needed me, she was so damaged by her experience in the program and then we got back together and we're so happy so I guess I got overwhelmed. I'm sorry, I just feel like Alex and I waited and fought so hard to be where we are today, I just want to enjoy every single try to understand, I love her."

"I know, I could see how broken you were when she died, I didn't know you before so I can't compare to what you were like before, but I could feel that loosing her destroyed you. And I am happy for you, you deserve to be happy, you're a good person Liv."

"So is Alex please, look I know that Alex and I live in a shell Eliot is also complaining I never have time for him anymore, I promise I will make it up to you."

"Well I guess I can make an effort, and besides who is going to help you choose your wedding dress,certainly not Eliot."Casey joked hugging Liv one more time.

"What do we have here?"Alex suddenly said standing in the doorway.

"Alex,You're back, Casey just accepted to be my maid of honor."Liv explained.

"Oh thank god you did, I can't imagine organizing this wedding with only guy's help, thank you."Alex said hugging Casey.

"You're welcome, congratulations."Casey said a little embarrassed she never expected Alex to be so friendly with her.

"Thank you, and thank you for taking care of Liv when I wasn't here .I owe you big time."

"I didn't do anything I just tried to be a pain in her butt as much as you were."Casey laughed.

"And I bet that wasn't easy."Alex laughed.

"Please be, I love you but don't make me laugh it's too painful."

"I'm sorry, but the good news is you're coming home tonight!"Alex said unable to hide her enthusiasm.

"That's great , congratulations, do you need any help?"Casey politely offered.

"Well I think you and me need to talk flowers and decorations."Alex said taking Casey's arms.

"Wait a minute Alex, we can't rush into getting married I need to get back on my feet first.I'm sure you can imagine that I won't be able to give you a proper wedding night for while."Liv said embarrassed.

"I don't care about having the perfect wedding night Liv, all I want is to be your wife, after scaring me like you did, the least you can do is do as I say."

"I think she has a point."Casey agreed.

"My god I hate lawyers."Liv complained.

"Yes and you're going to spend the rest of your life with one, get used to let's talk flowers shall we?"Alex said.

"Ok."Casey replied winking back at Liv.

**OK, short chapter, maybe useless, but I realized that I brought Alex back and basically erased Casey from the ADA spot.I needed to do something about it :)**


	45. Friendly talk

Chapter 46:

Friendly talk:

Casey could see that Alex hadn't eaten anything else other then hospital food for a while.

"Hey how about if I buy you lunch?I know this little place right at the corner of the hospital."

"I can't leave Liv alone."

"I saw Eliot on my way in, don't worry she's in good hands."Casey said rubbing her back trying to reassure her.

"Alright, I'm tired of that hospital food."

"Good."

"So Casey, I never got the chance to apologize for stealing your job."Alex said embarrassed.

"You didn't steal it, it had always been yours. I was just temporary reassigned to SVU until you could come of course I didn't know because i thought you were dead."Casey said ironically.

"Are you happy at homicide?"Alex asked.

"I guess, but I miss SVU a lot, I miss Liv and Eliot and even Munch."

"How would you feel about coming back?"Alex proposed.

"Well, our engagement isn't official yet and we wanted to announce it at our house warming party but as soon as we get married I won't be able to work there anymore."

"You talked to Jack yet?"

"Nope, I'm a coward and I wanted to wait for our big announcement to talk to him about I know he will agree that I have to leave SVU"

"I do agree, you don't want criminal lawyer to use your relationship with Liv against you in court ."

"Exactly, so I was thinking you could have your old job back, I mean it's yours I never should have taken it back."

"I have to think about it Alex, but thanks for offering."

"Wellm I want the best for my team and you are the best. Unlike Marlowe I know I can trust you on both professional and personal aspects."

"Yes Liv told me what happened with Marlowe. So you regret it, I mean coming back?"

"Not really, I needed to find my marks again and SVU was the best place: working with people I know, people I trust. But when Liv and I broke, my god it was hard to see her everyday. I remember just getting as close as I could just to smell her hair."

"You sound like a stalker."Casey joked.

"I know, I just love her so much. She's the only reason why I came back in the first place. I didn't care about the trial or risking my life.I was willing to risk it just to see her one last time ."

"I understand, what would you have done it Connor hadn't die?"

"I would have told her how I felt about her anyway. You know thatnight when we met and say goodbye, it was too fast I could see in her eyes that she loved me too, but it was too fast. So when Hammond and Cragen came and asked me to come back to testify I accepted because it was the only chance I might ever have to tell her how i felt and I decided to tell her the truth on that night in the safe house and then the phone rang and Liv told me he was dead."

"I see, it's pretty clear to me that you're meant for each other. When you too had broken up Liv and I had lunch several times and trust me she never lost faith in you . She always knew your therapy would be a success, she waited for you. Even when that hot cop came after her."

"I hate that Morales."

"I know I saw her once, she is hot, but she's not you and Liv have is real and it's for ever."

"I feel like your toast is going to be legendary."

"Well I am a lawyer right?Shouldn't be to hard."

So Alex and Casey had lunch together and without even noticing it became friend. At some point Alex excused herself to the bathroom so Casey called Eliot.

"El, I don't know If Liv told you, she's coming back home tonight, is everything ready?"

"Don't worry Casey, the big surprise is ready for them."Eliot responded white confident.

"Good I will see you there then."Casey replied feeling a bit better.

She had to admit that Eliot had a great Idea, moving their belongings into their new home .

**Next chapter: Liv and Alex go home to their new house, and of course that's not the only surprised Eliot planned :)**

**PS: I also started to work on the Weddings Wows and it's going to be really special. I always wanted chapter 50 to be the wedding day. I will try to write it as I planned but at the same time I don't want to screw things up by jumping directly to it at the risk of missing important things.  
**


	46. House warming &engagement party

Chapter 47:

House warming Party:

Alex and Casey came back about an hour later to find Liv and Eliot packing Liv's things.

"Come on girls I'm taking you home." Eliot said with a smile on his face thinking the surprise he's been secretly organizing for days.

"Ok Detective let's go."Alex said happy to leave that hospital .

Once they reached the car Eliot decided to put his surprise in motion.

"Ladies I have a little surprise for you, consider it your wedding gift."Eliot said handing them 2 Sleep Masks.

"And you're expecting us to put this on?"Alex asked shocked.

"Please babe trust him otherwise we'll never get out of here."Olivia begged.

"OK."Alex groaned.

They drove for about half an hour and when they arrived Eliot helped them with the stairs and opened the door of their new home and help them reaching the living.  
As soon as they took the sleep masks off Alex and Liv heard a big:

"Welcome Home."

All their friends were here: Jack Mac Coy, Judge Elizabeth Donelly, even Judge Petrovsky. The captain, Fin Munch were also there along with Casey and Kathy and Alexander Cabot.

"My god, you all scared the hell out off me."Liv screamed her hand on her chest.

"Sorry ladies this was all your partner's idea."Alexander Cabot said.

"Well everybody helped us yo move all your belongings and furniture here, we all wanted to save you the trouble of doing it."Eliot proudly stated.

"I can see that, everything is here, oh El, what did you do?"Liv said bursting in tears rushing in his arms.

"I only did my brother duty, Liv, nothing less."Eliot said hugging her as tight as he could.

"Well while we are all here, Liv and I have an announcement to make even if most of you already know."Alex said taking a glass of champagne.

"Yes Alex, would you allow me?"Liv asked wipping the tears of her face.

"Please..."Alex said.

"Well as you all know Alex and I are deeply in love and well I finally had the guts to propose and she was crazy enough to say yes."Liv said not without a tear in her eyes.

"Yes and we're planning on getting married as soon as Liv feels better. I will not wait any longer for you to be my wife so you better get well soon."Alex joked kissing her future wife.

"Well as the father of the future bride, I think I should make a toast."Alexander Cabot said.

"If you wish Sir."Liv politely said knowing that even if things weren't perfect yet between Alex and her dad, that he wouldn't try to separate them anymore.

"Well as most must know now, Olivia and I had quite an hard start. It's not easy for me to admit but it was entirely my fault. From the first moment I met her she never stopped professing her love for my daughter and her commitment to her. I'm not getting older and the most important thing for me now is to know that my daughter will be loved and care for when I'm not here anymore and I think Olivia that you will fulfill that task without a doubt. My dear Alexandra, you were always scared to disappoint me and that no matter how success full you were in your career or how well you would marry it would never be enough. You once told me that you weren't the daughter I raised you to be. Well I'm glad you're not and you went way beyond my expectations. I love you and I'm proud of you and I'm sure your mother would be too."Judge Cabot said trying to hold his emotions.

"Thank you dad, I love you too."Alex replied holding him in her arms.

The party was quite pleasant even if the only thing Liv wanted was to go to bed and hold Alex in her arms.

"Liv babe I have to talk to Jack it shouldn't take long."Alex said wrapping her arms around her hips and kissing the back of her neck.

"Good luck my love."Liv replied kissing her cheek.

Alex took Jack in her office to have THE talk.

"So Alexandra, when were you planning on telling me about your wedding?"Jack joked.

"I'm sorry, it happened so fast and before we had time to enjoy or plan anything Liv got . So Jack what's next for me?"Alex asked a bit worried.

"Well what do you want?Do you want to stay at home to raise your kids?"Jack said ironically.

"Of course not, well I will take a maternity leave when we decide to get pregnant but I know Liv wants us to take our time you know enjoy married life first."

"I understand."

"Well Jack, let's go straight to the point, shall we?I know I can't be Liv's wife and have her work for me. So I will give my resignation as soon as you want me to."Alex said.

"Well I'm happy you understand that the two of you cannot be married and work you have anything in mind regarding your future position?"

"First of all, I would like Casey to come back at SVU, I trust her and I know she did a terrific job in my absence , she misses the team and the team misses her.I asked her to come back and she said she would think about it."

"I see, well we're lucky to have her at homicide, but she misses SVU and you're right she was good. It's funny when you think that she wanted to quit after her first case."

"So did I."

"Well if she wants to be transferred to SVU I won't object to that, would you like her spot at homicides?"

"I guess, I you want me there, I would be happy to accept."

"How about we have a formal meeting with Casey to talk about it?"

"I agree."Alex said obviously relieved that Mac Coy understood her.

"I think congratulations are in order, I've never seen you so happy, you came a long way, you both deserve it."

"Thank you Jack your support means a lot to me. I love Olivia and I'm not willing to sacrifice our marriage for my political career which is important but Liv is more important and I will not keep us in the closet just to get votes you know."

"No one is asking you to do that, and I'm very happy that you're focusing on your relationship, I know it won't affect the quality of your work. I know how overwhelming our job can me and how easily it can take us apart from people you love.I'm happy you've found a balance between neglecting your work and or your wife."

"I know, thank you again, shall we go back to the party now?"

"Yes, by the way I really love your house, stabler had a great idea moving you in like that."

"I know we are lucky to be among friends like all of you."

The party went smoothly, Liv tried not to show her exhaustion. Her stitches were hurting and she had difficulties breathing but tonight was her engagement party and she needed to swallow her pain and make sure Alex was having fun.

**Next chapter: Liv and Eliot have an open heart conversation about marriage and also El will give Alex the "big brother" speech.**


	47. The brother talks

**Author's note: So today is Mariska's bday!Even if I know she never read FF, Happy bday! 47! Damn I hope I will look as good as her when I'm her age. I think she's a perfect example of what success is, as a woman, a mother and a professional. And I think she's also a perfect reason not to ever start believing and hoping for success even when you're 35. I mean her career really took of at 35, she got married at 40 and had a kid at 42(I think)So life really starts at 40!Anyway….**

Chapter 48:

The brother talk(s):

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?"Alex said wrapping her arms around Liv's hips.

"I'm fine, how did it go with Mac Coy?"Liv asked still trying to her exhaustion.

"Smoothly we're going to have a formal meeting with Casey to see if she can take my spot and if I could take hers, but don't worry about that ok, you look tired."

"I'm fine, are you enjoying the party?"Liv asked.

"Yes, I do, Eliot and the guys did a terrific job, I couldn't dream about a better engagement party."Alex replied with stars in her eyes.

"I'm happy and I swear I had no idea what they were planning."

"I know, but now what I really want is take you to our bedroom, put you to bed and wrap myself around you, these hospital beds are not only uncomfortable but also too small, it's been forever since we shared a bed."

"Maybe we shouldn't sleep in the same bed before our wedding night you know, to stick to tradition on that part."Liv joked.

"No way, and besides our love as been consumed yet, so there's no point of sleeping apart."

"I know I was joking but I'm a little scared that you might just jump my bones as soon as the party is over."

"You haven't lost you sense of humor and I love you for it, but don't worry as much as I want to make love to you I know we need to be careful with your stitches and don't think I haven't noticed you're having difficulties breathing.I can wait until you get better."

"I know, we have the rest of our lives for that. And you're right I'm, a bit out of breath but that's just because you're gorgeous tonight my love."Liv said kissing her fiancee.

"Enough with the PDA girls seriously get a room." Eliot joked.

"Hey El, thanks again for the party."Alex said hugging him.

"You're welcome, Liv let's take a walk outside shall we."Eliot said taking Liv's arm.

"Yes, let's go outside for a minute."

"So Cabot, I mean, really Liv?Of all the women that could have made you switch teams, Cabot?"

"I know El, what can I tell yo? I love her, I never expected it but I do.I always saw myself as a straight woman and I still do, I just happen to be in love with one woman."

"So you're not attracted by other women?"

"Nope, when I see other women my heart doesn't even beat faster, nothing, Alex is the only one who makes my head spin you know."

"Well good for you, both of you I think you've been trough enough in your lives you deserve some rest."

"I agree, I feel like we've been trough so much is just 2 years of being together you know?But it only made our love stronger."

"I know I've never seen you that happy, well I never saw you happy at all, I could get used to that."

"So can I."

"I saw the nursery, planning of having little Bensons running around?"

"More like little Cabots."

"Little monsters!God forbid they inherit her character!"Eliot joked.

"God forbid they inherit MY genes."Liv sadly replied.

"Oh Liv, I told you a million times already, genes define who you at you, you're the most compassionate, loving person I know."

"Yes and half my genes are drunk and the other half are rapist, I don't want to take any chances El, I just can't. I know that our child will be what we raise her to be or maybe not, look at Alex she's nothing like her dad raised her to be and neither I am, my mother beat me and I'm not violent, I don't know El but I don't want my kids to have my genes."

"I understand, and besides a pregnancy might be safer for Alex, I mean the running after perps and playing with guns part might be dangerous for the baby."

"I know, I'm a bit scared, but Alex and I agreed to take time maybe a couple of years before trying to get pregnant so I have time to get used to the idea of being a mom."

"You're a born mom, I'm sure of that, the only thing you have to be afraid of is Alex pregnant, you know hormones plus a natural pleasant character, good luck my friend."Eliot teased.

"Would you stop talking about my wife like that, she's not that bad when you get to know 's a very compassionate person, she's just really strict because she knows what she wants ."

"And because she always thinks she's right, there's no point of arguing.I get it Liv, don't worry she chose you and she makes you happy, it's good enough for me. But if she hurt you again like she did before I will kill her, no marshalls will be able to protect her from me."

"I know and I appreciate the concern but I know she won't and besides I feel like I failed her, she needed me and I broke up with her and sent her to therapy."

"You didn't fail her, I think you loved each other a lot but it was too soon. You started dating right after she came back. She needed to put her life together before being able to commit to you and to your needed time and you gave it to her, you waited and you helped her, you didn't fail her. "Eliot said rubbing her back.

"That's what she tells me and trust me leaving her a second time was the second hardest thing I ever did, but I couldn't be with her, she was out of control and it would have ruined our love, she needed to be alone to get better, at her own pace."

" Talking about more happy things you liked the party?"

"I did."

"Well Fin is insisting on organizing your bachelorette party, you know what that means?"

"Strippers?"

"Yep"

"Come on Eliot please no stripper, no drugs, nothing please."

"Come on strippers are fun, when you're married and faithful they're here to remind you of what you will never taste again and when you're about to get married they're here to make you enjoy your last moments of freedom."

"Alex is the only woman I ever saw naked and I want to keep it that way."

"I understand and please don't put her name and naked in the same sentence that's not an image I want engraved in my head."

"That's you're loss she's…"Liv joked.

"I don't wanna know. So tell me when are planning to get married?"

"Well as Alex mentioned as soon as get back on my feet,which according to the doctors should take up to 6 weeks. As you probably noticed I still have difficulties breathing and trust me I will need both my lungs for our wedding night."

"Too much information Liv, really."

"Sorry, but you're my best man so I'm giving you munition for your toast."

"I'm honored to be your best man Liv, just tell me the date and the place and I will be there."

"I have no idea about the place, I know Alex has something in mind but she wants it to be a surprise and for the when probably in 6 weeks. Casey and Alex are already planning everything."

"So they're good friends now?"

"Looks like it and to be honest I'm happy Casey offered to help, because I cannot be alone to have to put up with Alex's mood and orders during the planning of the weeding."

"See, she can be a real sergeant sometimes."

"I know, trust me being shot was awful but the idea of having to follow Alex to caterers and florist and tailors is worse."

"Welcome to married life my dear, all about sacrifices."

"I thought it was all about spending days in bed having hot sex."

"The first 6 months maybe, then reality kicks in."

"Thanks for sharing your personal experience with me."

"Anytime partner, anytime."

"Hey guys, may I interrupt you, Liv my dad wants to talk to you."Alex shyly asked.

"I'm don't you have a talk with Eliot, I'm sure he has a lot of threatening to do before we get married."

"I do, indeed."

"Why not?I've been threatened by worse, bring it cowboy."

"Sit down a minute, will you."

"Yes Sir."

"So as you know, I love Liv like my sister. Actually she is my sister so If you ever hurt you, I will hurt you 10 times as much."

"I know and trust me if I ever hurt her again no punishment would be enough."

"I see we you're a good ADA and friend, but I don't really know you on a personal plan. We all kinda saw you as a cold blooded bitch, at least we did at first, but then we get to know you and we discovered that you truly cared about victims. Now I can see that you smile more and you're less bossy with us, I think I can thank Liv for that, Love does look good on you Cabot."

"Thanks, well I think that I really was cold blooded bitch, maybe because I felt a little bit of animosity from you I mean the team towards me and the DA's office And you're right Liv changed me. By accepting me and loving me. My apparent ruddiness was actually a way of imposing myself in a very male environment I feel comfortable, thanks to all of you and Liv."

"She cracked th Cabot code"Eliot laughed.

"She did indeed and I must say , I'm the luckiest woman on earth and I will not screw this up don't worry, I'm going to take care of her until the day I die again."

"I know you will and you can come to me for advice anytime."

"I know thanks.I think that the only thing I need to do is trust her and learn to do things her way.I learned that she knows what's best for us, like proposing , I was mad because she wouldn't propose even after we bought the house, but the proposal was perfect. Maybe it wouldn't have been if she had proposed when she says she wants to wait to have kids I trust her."

"Yes trust her, I know she's a bit scared, because of her mom and dad she doesn't know if she's good enough to raise a kid, she thinks she has it in her to hurt people."

"That's ridiculous, she wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Show it to her, when she sees you how happy you are she will trust herself more, but it will take time. But she wants kids, always had she just needs reassurance. Give it to her and you'll be fine."

"Thanks Eliot, by the way I know you're going to organize a bachelorette party for Liv so if I hear that a stripper so much as lay one finger on her I will kick your ass."

"Say that to Fin he's in charge of the bachelor party, not me."

"Then I need to talk with him."

"Good, let's go inside 's freezing."

At the other side of the house Liv was having an open heart conversation with her future father in law:

"So Olivia, I never get to apologize for the way I treated you."

"Don't apologize Sir, you only wanted to protect Alex from me which I can understand you didn't know me at all."

"Now I do, when you were unconscious Alex told me all about you and your story even since she started working with you."

"She did?"

"Yes and I know you two went trough some obstacles but you that you're still behind her and you love and support her unconditionally."

"If you mentioned her therapy Sir, yes I was behind her,all the way even if weren't together as a couple at the moment."

"I know she told me you broke up with her ."

"Please don't hate me, but as said to my partner earlier , we rushed into our relationship right after she came back. She wasn't ready and neither was I. She needed to mourn her mother, get her life back together go back to was hard and the last thing she was able to focus on was a serious relationship with a woman none the less .I broke up with her told her to get help that I would be waiting, which I did and now we're strong then ever."

"I'm glad you kept your promise to her . I know we all have needs and that it must have been hard for you to stay celibate for over 6 months."

"Sir, I do enjoy sex, but I love your daughter I don't have any desire for anyone else . Ever since our first kiss I only had love and desire for her, so waiting for her to come back to me was hard yes but not because of the lack of sex, trust me. I promised her to wait for her and I would never break a promise to her, never you have to trust me on this.I will spent the rest of my life doing everything I can to make her happy and to give her the kind of life that she deserves.I know you still have some doubts regarding my true motives and considering that Alex paid for the house I can understand that,but trust me I couldn't care less about her money. I wanted to go to a bank and ask for a mortgage but of course Alex insisted to pay the house herself and well as there's no stopping her I didn't have a choice, but I can promise you that I won't let your daughter pay for the wedding or anything else. I don't care how many overtime I will have to do but I will make sure she gets the kind of comfort she's used to and deserves."

"Relax Olivia.I know you don't care about the money and I know my daughter is stubborn just like her old man and I'm glad you let her buy the house .We both of know that Alex always needs to control everything and she lost that control when she was forced to hide. So letting you pay for the house is a smart move and besides she feels that with all you've been doing for her it was the least she could do."

"You're absolutely right, she needed to feel in control again so I put my pride aside and let her buy the house, but don't worry you're daughter will be well taken care of."

"I know that, and I hope that you will take care of my grand daughter as well."

"I guess Alex told you she was certain we were going to have a daughter."

"Yes but I understood you want to take your time."

"Yes Sir, I want us to enjoy being married first just the two of us. And I'm a bit scared."

"Of what? Everybody is telling me you're a born mother."

"I'm good with kids and I love them but will I be able to raise one?That I don't know and until I'm sure I 'm ready to do it It's better if we wait."

"What make you think that you wouldn't be a good mom?"

"Alex didn't tell you?"

"No she didn't."

"My mom was raped when she was in high school and got pregnant with me we never got caught the guy. She started to drink when I was born and never stop I guess having a constant reminder of the worse day of your life wasn't helping her recovery."

"I'm very sorry to hear that Olivia."

"It's OK I made piece with her a long time ago , working at SVU I now understand why she never really loved me , but when you're a teenager and your drunk mom beats you up for no reason it's hard."

"I understand but you're nothing like you're mother or the rapist that hurt her, you seem to be a very caring loving person."

"Yes but I know that I have it in me, I mean 50% of my genes are rapist and the other 50 are drunk, so you can understand my concerns."

"Sweetheart, you more than anybody should know that we are much moor ethane our genes or our education, look at Alexandra, I didn't raised her to marry a female police officer I raised her to marry the opposite of you, no offense."

"Non taken, I know I turned out alright but sometimes I feel like I could hurt someone."

"That's not your genes darling, that's the job. I was a judge for 20 years trust me, I know what it's like to have the desire to beat up or kill a rapist. I t doesn't make me a bad person and I never hurt anybody in my life certainly not my daughter or my late wife."

"I know and I would never hurt Alex, I swear, I guess I need some time to convince myself I can be a good don't worry we're giving you a grand child, boy or girl."

"I hope so, I already have reserved spot at Harvard."

"Harvard?"

"Yes, it's a family tradition, I went to Harvard law school, so did Alexandra and my father and father dad before him. So if my grand children want to go to college which I guess you will make sure they do, it has to be Harvard."

"Another reason for our kids to have Alex's genes, I know money isn't enough to get accepted, you need the grades too."

"I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. I read many articles about you and from what I heard, you're the smartest Detective in the city and certainly the most decorated."

"Thank you Sir, I'm only doing my job at the best of my abilities but my from now own my job will be to take care of my wife and child."

"I know, are you planning on going back to the field?"

"Yes Sir, as soon as the Doctors clear me why?"

"Because I'm not sure my daughter could go trough this again."

"I understand , I've been a cop for over 10 years and it's the first time I get shot and I hope the last time."

"I hope so but remember that now you're engaged, soon to be married and in a couple of years you might have a child. Having a family is a huge responsibility you have to think about them first. I know you love your job and catching bad guys is what you do and what you're good at and loosing you would be a terrible loss for the victims but I hope the happiness of your family will come before your desire of justice."

"It will Sir and I promise that I will be there for every step of Alex's pregnancy,every school play and ballet . I will not be an absent mother. I will retire if I have to, because my only priority and concern is the welfare of my wife and my child. I can promise you that Sir."

"Good, now let's go back inside you're freezing."

"Yes Sir."

**I know this was a big chapter. But I want chapter 50 to be the wedding and I had so many things to write before that…I hope you that chapter wasn't too boring.**

**I have so many ideas for the wedding it has to be perfect, perfect song, place, settings, vows, it's going to be a really long chapter!**

**Please review I would love to reach 100 reviews before the wedding!**


	48. Alex's choice

Chapter 49:

Alex's choice:

The party ended around 10 pm.

"Go to bed honey you're exhausted, I can clean up."

"I won't argue to that I'm exhausted."Liv said on her way her to their bedroom.

So Alex cleaned up the living room and after about 30 minutes of cleaning she decided to check up on Liv. She found her on their bed, with her clothes and shoes on.

So she decided to undress her.

"I know you were going to take advantage of me, but in my sleep, that's lame."Liv joked.

"Very funny Detective help me would you, your zipper is hard."Alex said trying to unzip her jeans.

"It's not that easy to get into my pants councillor."Liv said pulling her pants down.

"I know, now take off the rest."Alex ordered.

"Are you sure Alex,?I don't think if that's a good idea."Liv said moving away from her.

"Oh Liv, please do not hide from me.I saw your bandages I know the extend of you scar."

"I don't have a bandage right now I just took it of to let my skin breath a bit it was hitching."Liv replied covering her belly with her hand to keep Alex from touching her.

"I understand, you can show me it's OK."Alex said trying to touch Liv's belly but she wouldn't let her.

"Let me clean it and put some cream on it and another bandage ."

"Liv, there is no need to hide it from me, you will have to show it to me at some point you know that right?"

"I know but I was hoping you could wait until my stitches are gone before showing you, all 50 of them."Liv sadly replied.

"Liv, please let me clean it and put some cream on it, I'm your fiancee it's the kind of thing I want to do for you."

"I know but please give me some time, I promise that you will see my scar on our wedding night as I don't intent to make love to you with my clothes on. But until my stitches are gone I want to keep this to myself.I know you're my future wife and that I shouldn't be hiding anything from you , just give me some time to get used to it."

"OK, take as much time as you need, now go into the bathroom and clean your wound I will be waiting here."

Alex was concerned by Liv refusal to show her stitches. She knew the doctors had to open her from the belly up and that they had to use 50 stitches and that it must be impressive to see but she didn't care, Liv was alive it was all that matters to her.

So Alex went bed and waited for Liv to come she finally came back Liv just put her self to bed and rolled on her right sigh showing her back to was thought Alex would never be attracted to her with that scar all over her has always been so found of Liv's body and she made sure to remind her that overtime they made love.

Alex immediately saw Liv's embarrassment and decided to wrap herself around her.

"Good night my hero, I love you."She whispered into Liv's ears not expecting any answer.

"I love you too."Liv slowly replied.

Liv knew that Alex saw her as a hero, rescuing rape victims and kids. She also knew that one of the reason Alex was with in love with her was because she felt safe with her maybe because of her badge and gun but also because Liv has always been so overprotective with her. But the truth was that at that precise moment Liv was scared. She was shot by a man she never even met but she was scared to go back on the course she couldn't shoe that fear and doubt to Alex love her if she showed her something else other then her usual bravery?

The next morning Alex brought breakfast to bed for Liv.

"OH Alex you didn't have to do that, thank you."Liv said kissing her fiancee.

"I wanted to, we need to start talking about the wedding.I need to tell you something,but you have to promise you won't laugh."Alex asked very seriously.

"I swear and anyway laughing hurts to much, so tell me my love."

"I already bought a dress."Alex said as fast as she could.

"When did you?"Liv asked a bit knew Alex was over the moon about the wedding but she never expected considering everything that happened that she would have bought it already.

"10 years ago."Alex whispered looking down.

"Were you engaged before?"Liv asked a bit surprised and worry.

"No, but my best friend at Harvard got married and when we were at the store choosing her dress I found one that was the dress of my dreams.

She told me I should buy it, that just like the big love when you found it you shouldn't push it away because it's not the right I didn't put too much weight since then. It' s still fits me and my tastes haven't change a bit I still love it."

"I don't doubt that for a second and I find it quite cute actually."

"Oh Liv, you must think I m a dead romantic."

"Yes and that's why I love you,I'm sorry if I didn't feel like talking about the wedding lately."

"I know don't worry, since Casey and I became friend I can't stop talking about it. I guess the scare of loosing you made me realize even more how much I love you and how much I wanted to be your wife."

"I know don't worry and I promise you that I will do everything I can to get back in shape as soon as possible."

"Take your time, your recovery is all that matters, now that I now that I'm not so scared that you're going to die I feel better and I can wait."

"I'm sorry for scaring you that much, I will make it up to you I promise."

"You don't have to, we're even, I died and you almost did.I guess now I know how you must have felt when you thought I was "Alex laughed.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to scare you, but I had some ideas of my own."

"About the wedding?"

"Precisely,you're going to take care of everything, but there is one thing that will be my surprise: our honey moon."

"Oh Liv you don't have to do that, I can take care of it."

"First of all, I'm recovering but not invalid I can and want to take care of it. Secondly we agreed that I will pay from every from now on remember?So please let me."

"I remember and I have no intention of opening my wallet for our wedding."

Alex knew it was important to let Liv take care of the wedding, Liv put her pride aside and let her pay for the house but she needed to take care of Alex even if she was the one that, at the moment needed to be taken care of.

"Good, so now could be please just have breakfast."

"I imagine you won't be wearing a dress."Alex laughed.

"No, I think Casey is going to help with with the choice of costume."

"Yes and she has strict instruction, Dolce and Gabana will look perfect on you, if it's ok with you, I don't want to you to be all extravagant."

"OK boss,I think I will look good and considering the tons of money you're saving me with the house I can afford it, I can afford you the wedding and honeymoon of your dreams."

The truth was that Liv knew she would never have to worry about rent again and in return she was determined to spoil Alex as much as she could until the day she dies.

"OK, babe I trust you for our honey moon."

"You know you shared something romantic so I'm going to share something as well."

"Tell me."Alex said intrigued.

"I actually started to save up for our wedding a while ago?"

"Oh Liv, that 's so sweet, when ?"

"Please don't make fun of me OK?"

"Remember I told you I would masturbate thinking about you and using dildos when I was in the program?Trust me nothing can be more embarrassing then that."

"That was cute, and hot it means that you loved me all that time."

"Exactly, so tell me."Alex said impatient to hear about another proof of Liv's love.

"Well I started saving when you left, at first I wanted to quit and go see Hammond to join you in the program and I figured I would needed cash to do you came back and we started dating and I continued to save up for our future you know, for a down payment for a house or our wedding."

"Oh that's sweet, you also loved me all that time."Alex said kissing her bride to be.

"Yes I did I swear, another year and I would have left, I couldn't take it anymore, please Alex don't ever leave me."

"I won't don't worry, next time a drug lord threatens me I won't strike back and anyway if I have to go back in the program as we will be married you will be asked to joined me don't worry."Alex joked.

"Of course I will never let you be alone."

Alex realized that what happened with Valez might happen again that ADA and DA are often threatened and knowing her she knew she would strike back and put herself in danger. She didn't to put Liv trough that again.

She has made her decision she would resign for good this time. She was a lawyer and a good one and she wanted to help people but not at the risk of her own life again. She could find another way to help victims other then being a ADA, she didn't need the money so she could do anything she wanted.

The next few days went smoothly, Alex and Liv were busy planning the wedding even if they hadn't choose a date made her decisions and it was time for her to tell Liv.

"Babe can I talk to you for a second?"Alex said anxious.

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I'm resigning from my ADA position."

"I already know that babe."

"I mean I'm resigning for good, I won't take Casey's job at homicides."

"What?But you love being an ADA..."Liv said very surprised.

"But I love being with you and being alive even more.I mean I know what happened with Valez will happen again, when a case goes wrong, they barely threaten the cops, it's always the ADA that prosecute them that ends up with a target on her chest.I love you and I don't want to put ourselves at risk anymore, because I know myself and I won't be able to resists. If I'm threatened I will strike back, that's who I am."

"And I love you for I do understand that you might want to quit and if you do I will support you."

"I know, you know I came back and took my old job back after 2 weeks of holidays, it was too soon, I did it to impress you because I didn't want you to see me weak.I wanted to be the Alexandra Cabot you fell in love now that I know that you never saw me as being weak and that you love me for exactly who I am, I'm fine."

"You're right ,I'm happy you finally understand but what are you going to do?I mean I don't see you as a housewife."Liv joked.

"Well when we broke up, my dad made me an offer, he could see I was upset even if he didn't know why so he offered my something to help me forgetting about what ever was making me so depressed. I declined at the time because I was heart broken But I want to accept now."

"OK, tell me what kind of offered your old man came up with?"

"He asked me to run the Cabot Foundation. My mom used to run it and ever since she died my dad took her spot, but he's getting older and he doesn't feel like it's appropriate to take her spot like that."

"I can understand how painful doing his late wife's job must be for him."

"It is. So he asked me to run the foundation and after thinking about it, I think I would do a terrific job, I mean right now the foundation focuses a lot on medecine and research but I can give it a new direction and help women, children victims of abuse, just like we do at SVU."

"I totally agree, you know the system, you know the victims, you know what they 's a terrific idea Alex you have my full are you sure you won't miss being a lawyer?I mean I think, well I know you actually take pleasure in kicking criminal asses and being all bossy with us."

"I can still be bossy with you, at home, if you know what I mean."Alex said with a inky smile.

"Alright councillor, if you want to do this we're doing this ."

"I hope so because as my wife you will have to attend lots of events, fund raisings and that kind of charity events."

"It's for a cause that I'm passionate about so it won't be a problem, God Alex I'm so proud of you, but are you sure?I mean I know you always had your eye on the DA's chair and you wanted to be a judge like your dad."

"I wanted to, when I met you I had so many political ambitions. Now my only ambitions is to help victims and also to be your wife and a good mother to our child and if I'm a DA or a judge not only I would put our family at risk but I will barely see our daughter grow up and that is the last thing I with you changed me for the better. Trust me I'm a lot happier thinking about being a good mom and a good chairwoman for my foundation then I ever was planning my career."

"I love you Alexandra Cabot, chairwoman of the Cabot foundation and I can't wait for you to be my wife."

"Me neither."Alex said kissing Liv.

**I don't know what happened, I never planned on making Alex quit her job, but the more I wrote this chapter the more it made sense, Alex changed a lot since her relationship with Liv and this decision was a logical step.**

**Also I wanted to dedicate part of this chapter to the panning of the wedding but after giving it much thought I figured I should spoil you….So next chapter is the wedding!I hope I wont disappoint you It might take a few days to write it(even if I started on the vows)because as I'm training someone at work I won't be able to work during my lunch break so I will wait until my days of (thursday and friday)Of course if you had any idea I will accept them. I'm actually looking for the perfect song, of course _Fix you _is their song, but I need another one that sums up their relationship.**

**Warning: Being the romantic that I am the wedding is going to be really really romantic!  
**


	49. The wedding

**A few days ago I came across several interviews of Portia and Ellen de Degeneres(yes Portia is Ellen's wife not her domestic partner(God what was weird to hear right?)and she legally changed her name) . I've seen them before but I don't know why but this time their words really touched described her love to Ellen and how her unconditional love made her change the way she sees life and it hit me: her words would make perfect wows for Alex. I know it's not original but I loved how she sees life now that she found her other half. I also started reading her autobiography and it broke my heart. For her being in the closest almost killed her.**

**For me it was easy I never gave a damn about what people would think of me. I don't know if there are closeted gays among my readers, but I encourage you all to come forward and come out. It does get better one day ,you meet that very special person that makes you feel all better and you feel like all the pain you're felt before wasn't for nothing because it lead you right to this moment.**

**I think people bully other people who are "different" because they think no one cares and that this people are only a minority. If every single gay would come out this morons would see that we are more then they think and that we have a voice and also strength to fight back with words and courage not physically.**

**Enough talking the moment you've been waiting for:**

Chapter 50 :

Wedding vows:

24 hours before the wedding:

Liv was busy packing a bag for the night, she was going to sleep at Eliot's place tonight because as the tradition says, she couldn't sleep under the same bed as her future bride:

"I'm going to miss you so much tonight."Alex said wrapping her arms around Liv.

"I know but we're going to spend the rest of our lives together so I think we can handle being apart for one night."Liv smiled.

"I know and besides if we sleep in the same bed I won't be able to contain myself , I can't wait for our wedding night, I'm horny as hell."

"I know, and I know it's been a while since we made love , but it will only make our wedding night more special."

"It's being a while?You call 7 weeks a while?"

"I know I'm sorry, I just couldn't, not until my stitches were off, now I feel better, but I do apologize for forcing you to stay abstinent for so long."Liv joked.

"Joke all you want but I'm warning you, you better get some sleep tonight because I'm planning on not letting you sleep for a minute tomorrow night."

"I expect nothing less, but are you sure you want to do this, I mean marrying me?"Liv said turning around facing Alex.

"Of course I do, why would you doubt that?"Alex said taking Liv's face in her hand and swiping the tear of her cheek.

"Because we both know the shooting changed be. I mean we promised to each other that we would talk about everything because hiding things and not talking almost destroyed and as you noticed I haven't talk much about what happened, I'm sorry."Liv said burying her head Alex's chest.

"Liv, look at me.I can see that you're hurt. I mean physically you're OK now but I know that it damaged you psychologically.I know because I've been there and I will keep on helping you, but you need time, when you're ready you will talk about it, I know that. I know that rushing into healing isn't the best way to do it, you taught me that remember?"

"I remember, are you sure that you don't want me to be completely back the way I was before marrying me, I mean I'm not the woman you said yes to."

"You still are, deep down,actually no not deep down,it's all over your face, that love you have for me. So know tomorrow at 4 pm, I'm going to marry you , for better or worse until death do us part nothing can change the way I feel about .I actually expected you to be in worse shape I mean, I expected you to refuse me to touch you or to help you in any way, but you didn't reject me, you let me help you,that must have been hard for you letting me see how hurt you were because you're always trying to be me my hero, a strong cop that will always protect yes that's one of the reason I fell in love with you because you're so brave and you always made things ok, when they weren't. But This time I'm going to help and protect you, you get it?"

"I get it councillor and I love you too, now go away, I have to finish packing El will be here soon."

Eliot arrived about half an hour later.

"Please El take care of her."Alex said kissing Liv goodbye.

"I will, remember the limo will pick you up at 3 OK?I went there it's gorgeous, you and Casey did a terrific job."

"You do realize I'm still here?You're talking about it and I still don't know where well we're getting married."Liv said a little impatient.

It was true: She had no idea where they were going to get married. Alex picked the place and Casey helped with the settings , Liv only tasked was to find the perfect outfit, rings and honey moon place.

"I know babe don't worry you're going to love it, just like I'm going to love our honey moon,now go."

So Liv Spent the night at Eliot and Kathy's place.

"How are you holding up?"Kathy asked entering the guest room.

"I want to trough up."Liv said holding her arms crossed on her belly.

"That means you love her, I would have been worried if you haven't been stressed at all."

"I know I love her but how do you know I won't screw up?"

"Nobody can say they're going to be a good partner or a good parent, all you can do is try your best and never forget that you are two in that relationship and that she loves you ,so don't hide anything from her, trust her and when you have kids work as a team and you will be fine."

"Thanks for the advice, you know the longest relationship I ever had is with El."

"And you still haven't requested a new partner after 8 years, you made it work just like he did, you both made sacrifices and consessions to make that happen and I know El isn't the easiest man to live with and you spend more time with him then I do. If you can handle him you can handle Cabot."

"I hope so. I love her so much and she loves love isn't enough sometimes but I know we will fight for our relation ship if we need to."

"Good then you don't have to worry, but if you look like hell tomorrow and you look terrible on pictures she will kill you so get some rest."Kathy says turning off the light.

Liv knew Kathy had a point:she couldn't lie to Alex. So from now on she will tell her about her insecurities and her fears,after the wedding and honey moon they will talk about it and go trough this she knew as long as she had Alex in her life she would be fine. She told Alex a million times that she didn't love her because she was a strong powerful attorney Alex started to believe her and started to let her in and show her weakness and that prove of trust and love brought them closer. She had to trust that Alex wouldn't stop loving her if she saw her owns weakness.

The next day:

Liv came out of the car, the Captain holding her hand leading her to they finally stopped Liv said:

"Can I see now?"Liv said impatient to see where she was going to link her faith to the woman the loved.

"Yes ,you can."Alex joked taking the sleep mask off Liv's eyes.

"Oh my god Alex, are we where I think we are?"Liv said. She couldn't believe it. They were next to the Hudson river, right where Alex said goodbye before entering the program.

Usually this place looks like a dump yard, but Alex did truly looked like a bit of paradise, the perfect place the get married, with a big tent and wooden floor.

"Yes we are, where we fall in love."Alex replied with a tear in her voice.

"Ladies, May I?"Elizabeth Donelly interrupted.

"Yes ,your honor you may thanks again for accepting to marry us."Liv said.

"Ladies and Gentleman we are here gathered to celebrate the love of Alexandra Cabot and Olivia doesn't know about age, color or gender, it is the most important thing in life, it's what makes us alive, want to overcome every obstacles but also what make us forgive. Our two women here have been trough so much and yet their love survived all the challenges. Starting the fact that Alex is a lawyer, I mean are you sure that you want to marry a lawyer?"Liz joked.

"Yes I am."Liv laughed.

"Because you've seen her in court you know that you will never win any argument and that you will never get away with anything, you realize that that?"Liz insisted.

"I do."Liv replied looking into Alex big blue eyes, nothing loving her was the best thing that ever happened to her and asking to marry her was the best decision she ever made.

Alex was wearing a Vera Wang dress with Manolo Blahnik shoes and Liv's fearlessness necklace. The dress was very simple, close to her body, revealing her shoulders and accentuating her curves and gently lifted her breasts to make them appear never had any body image issue, except for her scar and her fairly small breast. They were so small but compared to Liv's, they always joked saying that they were the perfect size because the fitted in her hand, which was all she needed. Alex decided to do things really simple with her hair too dressing it down, with curls just like Liv loved.

"Well, if you're both aware of what you get yourselves in to I guess the only thing I can do is give you my blessing and proceed to marry you, Alex I think you had something prepared?"

"Thank you, Yes I wrote my own vows don't worry people I will do fast.

Liv, I used to think the way to be strong was to be though,that to be independent was not to need anyone, but you taught me that the more vulnerable you are and the softer you are and the more you allow people into your heart , the happier you are. You've made me not so worry about people may think and that who I am is perfectly good enough and that I didn't have to be anything other then who I am. And that's the most incredible gift she has given me, that anybody could give to someone they love. So by putting this ring around your finger I swear to love you protect you, be faithful to you in sickness and in health for richer or poorer until death do us part again."Alex said crying, putting the wedding ring around Liv's finger.

"Olivia?"Judge Donelly prompted noticing that Liv was unable to talk, she was so touched by Alex's words that she lost her owns.

"Alex, a lot has happened in the past 2years. I saw you in Casey's office I thought I was going to faint.I couldn't believe that you were of me was hoping that not only you came back to testify against Connor but also to see me. When Valez was found dead I thought I was going to faint again then I realized that this was the beginning of the rest of our lives together.I promised myself that day that I would never fail to protect you again and that I would take care of you until the day I 're the most passionate and compassionate woman I know and we're so different that I never thought I'd have a I think that we're not different we complete each putting this ring around your finger I promise to love you, protect you and be faithful to you in sickness and in health for richer or poorer until death do us part again."Liv said putting the wedding ring around Alex's finger.

"By the power given to me by the state of New York, I know pronounce you married, Liv you may kiss your wife . Ladies and gentlemen please rise for Mrs and Mrs Benson."

"I love you Mrs Benson."Liv said kissing Alex.

"I love you too Mrs Cabot."Alex replied.

A few minutes later at the reception.

Eliot worked on his toast for a week he didn't want to make to many jokes, that was Fin's job.

"Ladies and Gentlemen may I have you attention please?"Eliot asked the guests. As you know Liv and I have been partner for 8 've been trough though times: Shooting, kidnapping, hostage situations…But we always made it as a team. But as great as our work relationship and friend ship was, I knew you were missing something. I saw you dating guys, lots of them and everytime I would pray for you to dump them because they weren't good enough for you. And then Alex came along. I knew probably before you knew that you loved her and that she loved you back. It was obvious, the way you looked at each other and the way you used to fight, looked a lot like lovers quarrel to Alex was shot and I thought I was going to lose you but thank god , Alex you came back and I can see how happy Liv is and when she was at the hospital I could see how much you loved her. I think I threatened you enough to kill you if you ever hurt my sister, so I won't repeat myself tonight, I wish you all the best and lots and lots of little Bensons running around in your brand new home, ladies and Gentlemen please welcome one the dancefloor Mrs and Mrs Benson ."El said rising his Glass of champagne.

The first song that was played was **_Fix you_** by was very symbolic for them. It was their song:

"So dear wife how did you like our wedding?"Alex asked her arms around Liv's neck.

"I loved it, the location,the decoration this dress,everything is perfect just like you.I hope you will enjoy our honey moon."

"I'm sure I will, where are we going?"Alex curiously asked.

"That you will know once we reach the airport, our flight is tomorrow afternoon so I booked us a suite at the Plaza."

"Oh that's so sweet, you knew I wouldn't like to spend our wedding night in a plane ."

"Yes and I figured you wouldn't want to wait another day to make love to me and besides after so many hours of flying I think we will be too tired to make love so I figured ..."

"You figured it all right as usual."Alex smiled.

"I'm so happy right now. I swear that we are going to talk about the shooting and I'm going to accept your help, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I know you can help me."

"Thank you for trusting me. Dont' be ashamed of showing your fears, it took me a while to believe that would loved me even if I wasn't that strong after all and you have to believe the same thing OK?"

"I do, but I promise I will always be your faithful knight ready to save you."Liv smiled.

"I like the way have I mentioned how hot you are right now?"

"Thank you, I knew you like that Dolce And Gabbana suit.I love your dress too, I can't wait to take it off, you were right it's been too long."

"Well, I did buy some lingerie that you're going to love and don't worry about the wait or your scar."

"I'm sure I will love it and no, I'm not worried about my scar I know you love me even if I'm not perfect and it's actually not so bad, it won't discuss you I promise."

"Liv, nothing in you or on you could ever discuss be honest with you I'm already so excited, how about we ditch our on reception and go straight to the hotel?"

"I'd like that , how about we make our toast and eat the cake and then we can go, an hour tops?"

"Mention granted."Ale whispered burying her head in Liv's chest.

That, for both of them was the beginning of the rest of their both knew they may have to face other challenges in the future, but it didn't matter, they were together and their love was strong and that was the most important thing they could ever hope for or dream about.

**I hope you guys enjoyed the wedding of course I could have write about Alex's toast and actually everybody's toast, but I figured it would be too boring.**

**So after discussing it with AAron I think I m going to continue on this story and write about Liv's psychological recovery and the fight it's going to be for her to regain power and self confidence.I will do a sequel afterward on the fight that starting a family is going to be for them.(Yeah you didn't expect me to give then an happily ever after that easily right?"**

**Next chapter will be rated M because it's the wedding night!**


	50. The wedding night : Part 1

**Okay guys, I'm going to be rude for one minute. As from today I will not accept any more reviews saying"Intense update soon" Or"I love it" " Or "update update update".**  
**These reviews are always written by the same people, I'm sick of it!So if it happens again, I will erase the review if it's anonymous or block the user if it's a registered member.**  
**Sorry for being such a bitch but we all all adults and I think we are all capable of writing constructive reviews, positive or negatives ones!**  
**Thank you!**

Chapter 51: the wedding night:Part 1:

After the reception Liv and Alex took a limo to the plaza,where Liv had booked them the honeymoon suite.

"Oh Liv this is beautiful."Alex said entering the suite in Liv arms who insisted to carry her inside.

The setting was beautiful, Liv requested roses petals would be layed on the bed and vanilla also asked for a bottle of Alex's favourite champagne and a strawberries with wiped cream.

"I'm happy you like it, dear wife."Liv said putting some cream on her finger and approaching it towards Alex's mouth.

"I think I will never get over you calling me your wife, it turns me on so much,not that I need that to be horny for you.."Alex said licking Liv's finger.

"I hope so babe, I have some ideas on how to please you tonight and every nights after that until the day I die."Liv said.

"I'm sure of that ,wait here and relax I'll be right back."Alex said .

"Wait a minute don't tell me you're leaving me already."Liv begged holding her wife by her hips.

"I'm not. I just need to fresh up a bit, I suppose that's my overnight overnight bag over there?Alex asked pointed the Louis Vitton bag next to the bathroom door.

"Yes it is , Casey brought it here and I have no idea what's inside."Liv said curiously.

"I will be right back."Alex said on her way to the bathroom.

After about fifteen minutes Liv started to worry so she decided to check up on her.

"Are you okay babe? You've been there a while."Liv asked worried.

"Yes, I just need a minute."Alex said trying to put herself together.

The truth was that she was nervous. She knew she had nothing to worry about because Liv and her made love dozens of times. She knew Liv would satisfy her but she was worried she wouldn't be able to satisfy her. She was scared Liv would hide her scar and therefore not relax 100%.

"Okay, I will be waiting."Liv said going back on the bed.

Liv was nervous as well, she wanted this to be perfect. After another five minutes Alex finally came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a robe.  
Liv couldn't believe how gorgeous her wife was.

"Sorry but taking off that dress was even harder then putting it on."Alex said wrapping her arms around Liv's neck.

"I can imagine, you look beautiful ."Liv said kissing her wife's left hand.

"You haven't seen anything yet ."Alex sensually murmured in Liv's ear.

" I can't wait to see that sexy lingerie you bought."Liv said trying to open Alex's robe.

"Wait a minute babe, are you sure you're ready for this?"Alex shyly asked her hand on Liv's chest.

"Yes I am.I told you I wouldn't hide from you anymore, I meant it, I love you."Liv said kissing Alex's hand.

"Okay, tonight is all about you."Alex said opening Liv's shirt.

"No babe, it's about us."Liv replied kissing her.

It took about a minute for Alex to open Liv's shirt was a bit worried because she never saw the scar, she didn't care because for her Liv was the most beautiful woman on earth and there was nothing on earth that could keep her from making love to her all night long.

"I know it's ugly..."Liv said looking at her scar that went from her breast all the way down to her belly.

"Not it's not, it's a part of you and you are beautiful ."Alex said letting her fingers caress Liv 's scar.

"Thank you for standing by my side through all this, I know I still have a long way to fully recover, but you're here and I'm sure we are going to be just fine."Liv said relieved.

"I know don't worry about a thing, I figured I owed you that much after everything you're done for shut up and let me make love to you."Alex ordered pushing Liv backward on the bed.

**I guess you were expected some steamy love making session, well you know me I wasn't going to give it to you that easily so I was thinking of updating it on Valentine's day, yeah such a cliché, I'm a lost cause...**

**I will also upload rescue because I realise people are expecting me to do it.**


	51. The wedding night part 2

Chapter 52:

The wedding night part 2:

"Okay councillor I won't try to argue on this one."Liv said trying to open Alex 's robe.

"Not so fast my love, you made me wait more then 6 weeks for this moment so you're going to work for it."Alex teased finally opening Liv's shirt.

"Come on, that's not fair you know I'm dying to see this lingerie you bought, I missed your body Alex, please."Liv begged putting her sad face on.

"Don't try to brag me, it won't work, now just relax and enjoy the ride."Alex said kissing Liv's lips and then moving slowly to her ear lobe while letting her fingers slid on Liv's scar all the way down to her belly.

"Oh God Alex I missed you so much."Liv groaned.

"Does it hurt, when I touch it?"Alex asked trying not to hurt her wife.

"You could never hurt me don't worry, please don't stop."Liv almost begged.

"As you wish Detective. "Alex smiled happy to see that Liv was already horny as hell for her.

Alex continued teasing Liv biting her ear's lobe while opening Liv's black front close bra to reveal her wife's fairly large breasts and her already hard nipples.

She missed this: Liv's skin, the way it tasted, the way it felt under her under tongue and fingers. She couldn't wait to taste Liv's juice and had to fight to resist the need to go straight down Liv's inner thighs but she wanted to take this slow and make it memorable, she wanted Liv to remember their wedding night for ever.

Being with Liv made her feel more self confident and even if she still doubts on her capacity to make Liv happy for the rest of their lives she knew that she at least knew how to satisfy her in the bedroom department.

After spending a fair amount of time kissing Liv's neck and collar bone Alex slowly moved down to Liv's left breast and started to gently kissing it ."Oh God Alex, this should be illegal."Liv whispered.

Seeing how Liv was enjoying herself Alex slowly started to lick Liv's hard nipple drawing circles with her tongue.

She could feel Liv breathing faster and faster, Alex slowly placed her right hand between her legs:she could feel Liv's wetness through the white fabric, even if she wasn't even rubbing or anything the simple fact of having her hand between her legs make her wife's body shake into a small spasm:"God woman you could make me come without even touching me."Liv said mewled.

"I see you missed me very much, but I don't want you to come for me, not yet, got that Detective?"

"Yes Ma'am."Liv replied enjoying how directive her wife was again.

At the really beginning of their relationship Liv was the one who was the dominant one in the bed bedroom, always taking initiatives, pleasuring Alex first because she wouldn't dare much, probably because she doubted herself,but ever since they got back together and more especially since the "dildo incident"as they both liked to call it Alex was often the one driving their making love sessions and Liv loved it, even if sometimes Alex still enjoyed just spreading her legs and let Liv lick and jerking her tongue and thrusting her fingers inside her for hours .She definitely enjoyed being the dominant one once in a today was one of these wanted Liv to scream her name, to make her beg to finish her off.

"Alex, please I can't take this anymore I want…."

"Tell me what you want baby, I want you to say it, to beg for it."Alex murmured with a very dirty and sexy voice while still sucking Liv's nipple, the right one this time.

Liv tried to resist but she couldn't take anymore Alex's wanted to play it dirty then she will comply with her wife's desires and wishes.

"God damn Alex, I want you between my legs with your tongue inside of me now."Liv screamed .

"If that's what's you want then that's what you should have."Alex mocked moving slowing her tongue on Liv's belly all the way to her belly while opening Liv's trouser.

"God she's going to pay for this."Liv said to herself, almost ready to explode.

She was ready to explode and Alex knew it. She quickly took Liv pants and panties off and started to kiss Liv's inner thighs moving slowly to the entrance of Liv's folds .Before entering Liv's vagina Alex took the time to lick Liv's already swollen Clitoris. Before penetrating her wife with her tongue she wanted to make sure she was ready for it, so she gently started to caress Liv's entrance while still licking her clitoris which caused Liv to scream her name even louder.

"God Alex don't stop faster."Liv screamed.

And so she did , she licked her clitoris faster and faster while caressing her entrance with her finger tips before trying to slowly penetrate her with her middle finger.

To her big surprise even if Liv was very wet, she could feel some resistance while penetrating her,the outside of her vagina was wet but the inside was pretty tight, tighter then expected considering the amount of wetness. Instead of insisting Alex decided to slowly pull out trying not to hurt her wife.

Seeing the disappointed look on her wife's face Liv tried to apologized:

"I'm sorry babe, I just…"

"It's okay babe you're not totally ready to let go yet, it's okay, I told you I'd be patient with you and I intend to keep my promise ."Alex said moving up to kiss the love of her life to reassure her.

"But I do want you inside of me, I guess I just want your mouth and tongue for now, is that okay?"Liv asked hoping not to disappoint her too much.

The truth was Liv always loved having Alex inside her, tongue and fingers, the more fingers she had moving in her the better she felt. But right now she couldn't, she wouldn't let Alex finger her, the truth was, her abdomen was still painful and the thought of anything hard inside of her was already painful.

"Do not apologize, I understand you might still be in pain down there, and besides I know I don't need to be inside you to satisfy you."Alex reassured her.

"You 're right it's still painful, and you're also right when you say you don't need to be inside me to pleasure me."Liv smiled feeling so happy that she married someone who understood her so well.

"Okay, then I will do my best to restrain myself and stay outside your very attractive vagina."Alex laughed moving back towards Liv's legs.

"Please do."Liv said feeling relaxed again.

Alex felt terrible that she didn't even suspect that Liv might still me hurt, the bullet entered her belly under her belly button, no wonders it still hurt. Then realized she wanted to bring a dildo but then changed her mind to keep things natural for their honey moon, thank god she changed her mind, if a finger hurt Liv she couldn't imagine the savage a dildo would have done.

Alex tried to get that thought off her head and started to lick Liv's lips gently biting her clit from time to time which Liv to have a small spams each time.

Alex could feel the muscles in her thighs tensing but Liv wouldn't come, not yet, she wasn't ready to let go, she needed encouragement.

"Come for me baby, let go, it's OKAY, I'm here and I love you."Alex said on hand caressing Liv's breast and the other holding on Liv's right leg.

"I'm going to….oh God Alexxxxxxx." Liv screamed ready to explodes.

As she felt Liv's inner muscles tensing more and more she started to press her tongue on Liv's clitoris as hard as she could until she finally felt Liv's all body tensing and her belly waving.

This was the most beautiful thing Alex ever saw:her wife was finally letting go, after all the happened to them recently, she was finally loosing control of her body.

Soon it was Liv's entire body who started shaking as the orgasm intensified.

Even if Liv was coming harder then she ever did, Alex didn't let go she was still pressing her tongue on Liv's clitoris . Liv's body was waving so hard that she had to fight by holding both her legs to keep Liv from escaping.

After about two minutes of intense spams Liv was out of breath, her chest rising and falling has she was trying to catch her breath as she coaxed a last sigh of pleasure while inviting her wife to join her .

"That was…"Liv said trying to catch her breath.

"Pretty amazing…"Alex bragged and she laid her head on Liv's naked chest so she could feel her heart bit.

"Yes indeed, 5 more minutes and I would have started to hyperventilate or even went into cardiac arrest."Liv joked gently kissing her wife's forehead.

"I know how long we waiting for this moment, I mean not only to make love but to be married, I wanted it to be perfect."Alex whispered exhausted.

"It was, and don't worry I have a little something for you in return."Liv said.

"You don't have to do anything, I told you : tonight is all about you."

"Trust me you want me to do what ever I have planned."Liv joked.

**So what kind of fantasy do you think Liv has prepared?Well to know stay tuned, next chapter will be Liv making sweet love to Alex and I promise you it's going to be as good as this chapter!**

**I hope you liked that chapter, I wrote it straight in about 3 hours, listening to a bunch of stupid songs.I really put my heart in it. Not being a native english speaker some chapters are harder to write then others,and sexual chapters are really a challenge for me, but this one came to me very naturally, I put my heart in it, so please review :)**


	52. Happy Valentine's day

**Hi, guys and girls!Happy Valentine's Day!I'm not too much into that crap because I do believe that if you have to wait that particular day to buy chocolates or flowers or have a kind gesture towards your better half, well you suck!Love is everyday !And girl if your man only celebrates on valentine's day dump him, seriously!**

**Anyway I finished writting the 3rd part of Alex and Liv's wedding night, It's kinky and sexy , even more then the last one. Alex and Liv do role play and Liv realizes one of Alex's biggest sexual fantasies:) but I won't upload until I have at least 3 more review on the last chapter:)**

**ps: Not that I need to say it but...hell no, no more personnal messages in my AN!**

**So guys review chapter 52!**


	53. The wedding night part 3

Chapter 53:

The wedding night part 3:

After several minutes minutes of cuddling Alex finally said something:

"Do you need another hour to catch your breath?"She teased letting her finger tips slid on Liv's naked chest.

"I just need another minute, damn it Cabot you always take my breath away and always by surprise."Liv said taking big breath.

Alex couldn't stop thinking that Liv has always been so fit and could make love to her for hours without ever being out of breath, the current situation had to do with her injuries and the bullet penetrating her lungs.

"Stop thinking, I'm fine I can almost breath as I used to, don't worry."Liv said reading Alex's mind.

"Yeah Okay, but I will go easy on you I promise."

"Well I have no intention to go easy on you, I have a little something that is going to drive you crazy."Liv said standing up in the luxurious bed.

"I don't need anything Liv, I promise I only want to stay in your arms ."Alex said trying to convince herself she wasn't dying to feel her wife inside her.

"I will be right back."Liv said leaving the nuptial bed not without kissing her wife first.

After a few minutes in the bathroom Liv finally came out of .

The room was dark, because the lights were off and replaced by candles.

"Damn candles I can't see anything,come closer."Alex begged sitting on the edge of the bed dying to discover what her wife had planned for her.

"I'm coming."Liv replied knowing that the fact that was she was wearing was dark drove Alex insane.

"Oh my God, are you wearing what I think you're wearing?"Alex said enable to believe it.

"Yes it is,It still suits me, It's a bit tight on my hips, but .."

"But nothing, you look so damn hot in it, I can't believe I never asked you to wear it before."Alex said already salivating.

"I know you would love it and I also brought my handcuffs."Liv said showing them to Alex.

"Oh god Liv, you can't believe how wet you're making me right now."

"Let's see how much you want me right now."Liv joked pushing Alex backward on the bed.

Finally Liv could open the robe to reveal her wife, perfect body.

Alex was laying on the bed offering herself to her wife. This time Liv was the one in control and she liked it, very much.

Liv almost forgot how perfect her wife's body was, even her scar was sexy.

Alex was wearing cherry underwear that were a perfect contrast to her porcelain skin.

"Do you like what you see Detective?"

"Yes I do but you know what I would like even more?"

"Tell me."Alex said already highly aroused by the thought of what Liv was going to do to her.

" Alex Cabot you are under arrest for driving a police officer crazy and for stealing her heart and soul."Liv said handcuffing her right hand to the metallic structure of the bed."You have the right to remain silence, everything you say can and will be used against you, do you understand you rights as they were explained to you?"Liv said looking Alex straight into her eyes.

"Yes I do officer, I've been a very bad girl, I need to be punished."Alex replied already enjoying herself knowing Liv would never hurt her.

Liv took a big breath trying to regain enough self confidence to satisfy her wife.

She started kissing her while moving on top her. She continued to kiss her neck giving it a quick bite from time to she was kissing and licking her tasty skin Alex got rid of her under wear and was now laying in bed naked offering herself entirely.

"Impatient much?"Liv asked .

"Yes Officer, I invoke my right to have a fast trial."Alex shyly said totally submissive to her wife.

"Then a fast trial you will have."Liv replied starting biting licking her collar bone all the way to her right nipple.

Alex's breasts were of perfect shape and size and color, they fitted perfectly in Liv's hand, her nipples were off a soft pink and they were already erected from Alex 's arousal.

Liv continued to draw small circles around her wife's nipples but this time she pressed her body against Alex's naked,she wanted her to notice something, and she did almost instantly.

"What do we have here, Detective, is there money in your pocket or you're happy to me?"Alex asked while slowly moving her hand towards Liv inner thighs.

She started to open the zipper of Liv's pants and slowly slid her hand inside and not only she could feel that Liv was already very wet and that her clitoris was swollen but she could also feel a very familiar friend hanging between Liv's legs.

"Not so fast young lady, if you want it you're going to have to work hard for it, I'm going to make you beg for it, just like you made me beg earlier, remember?"Liv joked repositioning Alex's left hand over her head.

Liv was satisfied because she knew that Alex loved when Liv was making love to her with a strap on but she wasn't about to do that just yet. She only wanted Alex to know what she had planned and make her ask, beg, scream for it.

"Oh Liv, just tell me what you want, you know how crazy you drive me when you have that thing between your leg, I want it inside me."Alex almost begged.

"First I want you to come into my mouth,then we'll see."Liv replied moving slowly towards Alex's inner thighs.

Liv knew exactly how Alex liked her oral sex : she liked it rough so she started to suck her swollen clitoris and without notice thrusted one finger into her gorgeous wife's vagina which caused Alex to react immediately and her body started to vibrate.

Liv then inserted a second, then a third finger in her core moving it backward and forward as hard and deep and she could.

"Oh Liv, Oh Livvvv, I'm going to explode. Don't stop, fuck me harder please."Alex finally begged.

Liv had exactly what she wanted, she had Alex talked dirty to her which drove her crazy.

She knew Alex was closed so she pulled up her fingers and inserted her tongue inside her lover's vagina instead.

God she missed that: the taste of Alex's juice which was flowing between her legs directly in her mouth.

"Oh God, I'm going to…."Alex screamed before literally exploding on Liv's face was she still had her tongue inside of her.

Liv always managed to give Alex intense orgasms in the past, but never to the point where she literally female ejaculated on her face . This reaction surprised her but she decided not to be distracted by it. She continued to press her tongue on Alex's clit hoping for a second wave. Alex was holding on Liv's head and was slowly pushing Olivia's tongue further into her core. Liv knew she was so close to come again so she thrusted her tongue further inside her wife which sent Alex over the edge and her entire body was engulfed in a powerful orgasm. This time Liv closed her eyes just in case Alex would ejaculate on her face again, but she didn't, instead she found her tongue stuck inside her wife's core as she could feel her inner muscles to contract very hard.

"God Lord, Liv, that was, the most intense orgasms you gave me, both of them."Alex said breathing heavily .

"I noticed that, especially the first one."Liv said pulling out her tongue from her lover's one.

"Oh my God ,Liv your face did I just.."Alex said horrified.

"Yes you did, don't worry it's perfectly natural, it means I was good."Liv proudly said joining her wife.

"This is the most embarrassing moment of my entire life."Alex replied trying to hide under the blankets.

"Alex sweetheart, look at me, you are my wife now, I'm not a one night stand, you have nothing to be ashamed of, again you just caught me by surprise but I kinda liked it."Liv whispered as she grabbed a tissue to clean her face.

"I don't know what you just did to me,maybe it was the 6 weeks of abstinence or what I knew you had in your legs of the fact that we got married but you just blow my brain out."Alex confessed inviting Liv to rest on her naked, sweating chest.

"Stop over analyzing things like that ."

"Liv?"

"Yes love."

"Would you mind taking off the handcuffs now?"Alex politely asked pointed her right hand still hanging .

"Oops, sorry how did you like seeing me in my uniform?"

"Well you saw ho much I loved it…"Alex said sliding her hand through Liv's hair.

"So you want me to take it off so we can go for a third round using our friend?" Liv shyly asked not knowing if Alex had enough or not.

"You know what Liv?I know I was begging for it earlier but right now I don't need anything other then you. I love the dildos and strap on but our honey moon just started how about we keep it for later?"Alex suggested.

"As you wish my love."Liv complied kissing her wife's tender lips.

"But I do want you naked now, I want to feel your naked body close to mine."

"My naked body is all yours ."Liv said taking off her police uniform and gently folding it before letting in on the floor.

So Liv and Alex cuddled for a few minutes before falling asleep for the first time together as a married couple, both their naked bodies enrolled in one another only to become one body and one soul.

**SO guys, I hope you liked this chapter as much as the last one.**

**Next chapter will be the honey moon and yes I'm in a horny mood these days so stay tuned because next chapter will go a step further, I will make Liv and Alex try something they never tried in bed, something a bit taboo...So be aware the next few chapters will be unconventional and dirty:) let just say that Liv is going to use sex as a way of regaining her self confidence:)**

**PS: new requirement: I will only post the next chapter once I reach at least 5 reviews ...**


	54. The honey moon part 1

**Sorry for the delay,but as I said I had some health issues and well inspiration left me...But now it's back,this chapter is a transitionnal one before the honey moon can start.**

**First of all don't forget to read my reviews on unniversal channel website!Link on my profile!**

Chapter 54:

Honey moon part 1:

As usual Liv woke up before Alex and watched her sleeping for about an hour before Alex finally said:

"You do realize how creepy it is watching me sleep like that?"Alex joked kissing Liv's chest.

"I can't help it, you look like a baby when you sleep."Liv replied kissing her forehead.

"Well I could get used to this, waking you into your arms, happy and fully satisfied."

"You should get used to it because I promise you this is how the rest of our lives is going to be, I will make sure of it."

"That's sweet but it's only in theory, we both know you're on duty 24/7 and that you might be called during the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry .You know I would quit my job in a heart beat if you asked me to,right?"

"Don't be sorry and don't say that I know you love your job and loosing you would be a terrible loss for the NYPD and also for the victims I have to think about them first and beside, being married to a hero has its down sides right?I knew exactly who you were and it implicated when I started dating you.I understand don't worry as long as you come home to me safe, I will be fine."

"I love you, you know that?"Liv said still amazed that Alex saw her as a hero,because she wasn't at the moment she was scared, scared that she might be shot again and not be that lucky this time but being with Alex helped because she had a reason to get better, she had no choice she couldn't let Alex down.

"I know, and I love you too."

"I know , you showed me how you loved me last night,twice."Liv joked.

"Please do not remind me of the most embarrassing moment of my life."Alex shyly begged hiding under the blankets.

"I'm the only one who saw it so I'm not sure it counts has embarrassment, I actually really enjoyed it it,I love the way you taste "Liv joked licking her lips.

"I love when you talk dirty to me, and I really enjoyed to see you all confident like that."

"I know, I guess making love to you has that effect on me, it helps my self confidence."Liv joked.

"Well, then we should go for round 3, where is our friend?"Alex asked looking on the floor.

"You don't need to do that Alex."

"You're kidding me?I don't have to, I want even if I didn't want to if it helps your recovery I would do it anyway."

"That's what I'm talking about : you can't force yourself to have sex with me just because it helps me."

"Don't be ridiculous, trust me, I'm not forcing myself, I never forced myself to have sex with you, actually I had to force myself from jumping your bones for the past 6 weeks so trust me I want you, again, and again, until my heart stops beating."Alex said starting to lick Liv's right nipple.

"I see, then allow me."Liv said rolling over her to be on top of her.

"That's what I'm talking besides, you're my wife, I would do anything for you or to you."Alex replied thinking that she loved to see Liv happy and confident again but she couldn't help thinking that this wasn't the healthiest way to do she loved her wife and if helping her meant letting her take total control over her body she was more then happy to do it, hoping it wouldn't go to far.

"I think we should wait until we arrive on our honey moon for round three."Liv said moving back next to Alex.

"I think you're right, I want to be able to walk, at least until we reach our hotel,where are you taking me anyway?"

"That,my dear wife is a surprise..."Liv whispered holding Alex thight.

"I hate you, you know that?"Alex complained.

"Come on Alex, be fair, you can't possibly think that after being a pain in our butts for so long I wouldn't get back at you someday right ?"Liv joked.

"Very funny,Detective,Okay then I will wait until we reached the airport, we still have a couple of hours right?"

"Yes."

"Then let's enjoy them if you don' t mind."Alex asked burrying herself into Liv's embrace.

**I know it was a short chapter but I wanted to introduce two things:**  
**1)The honey moon, so where do you think I'm going to take them?**  
**2)The fact that Liv is starting to recover and regain her self confidence using sex .What do you think?Is is that unhealthy to use sex?Will she cross the line?Will Alex force herself to do things that she doesn't to?**  
**As usual next chapter after 5 reviews at least...I promise the honey moon wil be sexy, very sexy I will do my best to find new fantasies and new ways to express them...**

**Personnal question: I have holidays to take and I have to ideas where to go, I've seen so many places already...thank you!**


	55. Author's note

**Hey guys!So what's up only one review?I mean even if you don't like the story pleas review,It might sound pretentious of me but until I reach 5 reviews or more on my last chapter(54)I will not update a new one!Come on susbcribers wake up!**

**ps:Please review _"honey moon par 1"_ not this author's note!**

**Thank you!**


	56. The honey moon part 2

**So guys you totally rock as someone said I wasn't begging for reviews!I'm used to have at least 5 reviews per chapter and I didn't have any on this chapter.I was just asking myself why.I mean we, authors spend lots of time writting our stories and you readers enjoy them and I think the least readers can do is to review so we feel like you like the story, it really encourages us to yourself in our position spending hours writting stories and have hundreds of people reading it without taking 10 secondes to review, how would you feel?**  
**That said I mentionned that Liv would use sex as a way to avoid talking about what happened and her fears but no she wont be raping Alex anytime soon. that s not the kind of story I like to write unlike other authors who I know(and I wont give names because I dont trash people) take personnal pleasure in writting them.**  
**that said:**

**ps:Sorry for the delay but I had the biggest tooth pain for the past few weeks and anyone who had a tooth pain requiring a root canal procedure can understand how painful it is :)**

Chapter 56:  
Honey moon part 2:

After about an hour and a half of cuddling Alex and Liv finally woke up and decided to get dressed and eat something .

"That's why I love 5 stars hotel the breakfast are always so huge and considering the price they're charging us I didn't expect less."Liv said enjoying her pancakes.

"I know, they virtually have everything you can ask,it's too bad we let the wiped cream melt,fortunately the strawberries are still good."Alex said forcing one of them into Liv's mouth.

"Well don't worry they have plenty of wiped cream where we're going and I intend to eat lots of it on your naked body,as it sounds that's what you want."Liv said .

"As if it wouldn't be what you want as well."

"You're right playing with wiped cream has always been a fantasy of mine."Liv said licking her lips.

"So I guess you still won't tell me where we are going?"Alex asked.

"What's the matter councillor, nervous because you can't get a confession out of me?"

"No,I hope I packed the appropriate wardrobe that's all."

"Don't worry I'm sure you did, we'll buy anything you might need there and besides we won't need clothes on for what I have planned."

"Olivia Benson are you planning on turning me into your personnal sex slave?"Alex joked.

"No,Not at all I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, I just figured you wanted and missed it for so long..."

"I know babe,and I want you all over me until the end of 'times,don't worry about it OK?And as for the clothes Casey helped me packed my best swim suits considering we're going to Hawaii I figured it might be handy."Alex said waiting for Liv's reaction.

"How in hell have you found out?Did Casey tell you?"Liv asked surprised.

"No she didn't she resisted my best interrogation technique I have to admit she's you're easy to read.I mean I knew you wanted to take me somewhere sunny and Hawaii is the best place for sunny and romantic honneymoons."Alex replied quite enjoying that moment.

"You see, you spent the past two months trying to get that information our of me and you finally found out all by yourself."Liv said pulling Alex against her.

"Well for what it's worth I'm proud of you I mean I know how you feel about your scar and the fact that you're willing to go to Hawaii and show your body in a bikini is telling me how much you love me."

"I do and I don't care about what strangers might think of my scar, my only concern is you and well, you didn't seem to disturb by it ."

"Of course let's get ready please don't forget your uniform."

"Don't worry I know how much you loved seeing me wearing it."

An hour later they arrived at JFk airport where a private jet,courtesy of Mr Cabot.

"Oh Liv, the limo and now the jet, really?You didn't have to do that."

"The limo was on me but the jet is your dad's wedding gift."

"Well remind me to thank him later."Alex said kissing her wife.

"I will."

"Mrs Benson,Mrs Cabot, welcome on board and congratulations."The hostess said as soon as they entered the plane.

"Thank you Emily but I told you a million times to call me Alex just like any other person on the planet."

"I'm sorry."

"Wait, you know the flight attendant?"

"Of course, my dad didn't tell you?This is the family jet,pretty handy I must said."Alex said sitting at her usual spot.

"Damn, I knew your family was rich but that rich."Liv said unable to believe it.

"Well, now that my dad likes you I'm sure we can arrange a meeting so you can learn all about the Cabot good fortune."Alex joked.

"That would be a good the way do you have any ideas what you're going do with your trust found?I mean you bought our house but I'm sure you still have plenty of money ."

"Yes I do,well since we're starting our own family I figured we should start a Benson-Cabot family trust you know to make sure our children and their children are taking care of."

"I think it's a terrific idea,I think your family has actually great values regarding the use of their money,your were always pushed to work hard even if you had money and I want our kids to grow up with the same values."

"Exactly my thought, I want them to work as hard as I did in law school and then at the DA's office.I never used my name to get into any school, that's not how we do things and you're right that's how we should raised our kids"

"You mean you never used your name professionally but you certainly use it when you need something..."

"Are you referring to the"hospital incident"?

"Yes El told me, I would have loved to see you go all Cabot on him, he must have pee on himself, you must have been so sexy ...I love that you fought for me like that."

"He didn't want to let me see you, so yes I used my name and my influence and I will do it again,nothing wrong with that."

"I know,anyway I think we're taking off, damn I hate planes."

"Come here I'll hold you."Alex said pulling Liv closer to her.

"Thank you babe, I love you."

"I love you too."Alex said kissing the back of her head.

14 hours later they arrived to Maui's airport where another limo was waiting for them.

"I could get used to this."Alex said entering the car.

"No offense babe, but You already are."Liv joked.

"Very true."

"Hello, can you please take us to this address please."Liv said handing a piece of paper to the driver.

"Of course traffic is quite light we should be there in half an hours,please feel free to enjoy the mini bar."

"Oh Liv. I think I'm going to love it here."

"Wait until you see what I have arranged up for us."

Half an hour later they arrive at the Hilton and where greeted by hostesses in traditional Hawaiian outfits."

After a few minutes of enjoying the show they moved towards the reception desk.

"Welcome to the Hilton, how can I help you today?"

"We have a reservation under Benson-Cabot."Liv proudly said.

"Yes, let me check."the receptionist politely replied while checking her computer.

"Benson-Cabot I love the sound of that."Alex said looking into her wife's eyes.

"So do I."

"Sorry for keeping you waiting, I found your reservation, Liliana here will escort you."

"Hello, I'm Liliana and I will be your hostess for the duration of your holidays, here's my mobile number, don't hesitate if you need anything."

"Thank you we will."

"Please follow me , your luggage will follow us in a few minutes."Liliana said walking toward the entrance door.

"Where are we going?"Alex asked surprised.

"That my beloved wife is the part of our honey moon you haven't figured out yet."

After several minutes of walking they finally arrive to the secret place they were about to spend their honey moon .

"Ladies let me welcome you to your honeymoon you can see you will be able to enjoy walks on your own private beach, without the inconvenience of sharing with our other customer, if you need anything to eat feel free to order room service and if you need anything else call me, I will be at your entire disposal."Liliana said leaving the two married women speechless.

"Oh Liv, this is wonderful, it's perfect, thank you."Alex said looking towards the unrising sun .

"Thank You for marrying me, this is just the beginning I attend to keep every single of my vows."

**So guys what do you think? The honey moon won't be long because I want to focus on Liv's recovery I was thinking about making her addicted to pain killers but that's not Liv...so yeah sex as a relieve is a good idea ill stick to it and please REVIEW!**

**PS: This chapter was written a while ago and I just don't feel inspired at all anymore,maybe it has to do with the constant tooth pain, I don't know anyway I might not upload SVU stories for a while but I have some Rizzoli&Isles ideas so I might work on them what do you think would you read my R&I story?**


	57. The honey moon part 3

**First of all guys, sorry for the delays, but I have been focusing on my Rizzles story lately and as I said before inspiration wasn't here anymore, but it's back now :)**

**Chapter 57:**

**The honey moon part 3 :**

Both women were exhausted by the time difference between New York and Hawaii so they decided to simply take a hot bath in their honeymoon suit gigantic bathtub.

"Honey I think it's finally full." Liv yelled towards the bedroom checking the temperature of the water.

"Just dip and I will be right with you." Alex yelled back.

A few minutes later Alex finally joined Liv in the bathroom, only wearing a really small towel that wasn't covering much.

"Do you like what you see?" Alex smiled.

"Yes I do expect for the towel part, come on drop it."

"Alright Detective I don't want you to handcuff me again." Alex laughed dropping the towel .

"Come here." Liv ordered dragging her inside the baththub.

Alex naturally positioned herself between Liv's legs leaning against her.

"That's right where you belong." Liv whispered pulling Alex closer wrapping her arms around her waist.

"God I'm happy we're finally married so we can live all the drama behind her." Alex Whispered feeling Liv's fingers slowly making their way towards her breasts.

"So Am I." Liv moaned slowly kissing Alex's neck while gently caressing her wife's breast.

"Liv, come on we're supposed to have some rest here, I'm exhausted, I can barely move."

"I'm not asking you to move darling just go with the flow." Liv replied ignoring Alex's wishes as she slowly moved her hand towards her wife's fold.

"Oh Liv…" Alex moaned as she felt Liv's middle finger stroking her clitoris.

"That's it babe, show me how wet I make you." Liv whispered.

Even if Alex was exhausted and didn't really want this it didn't took her long to be really wet.

As she felt Alex's arousal raise fast Liv inserted one, then two and later 3 fingers inside her folds and started to thrust and thrust faster and faster as she felt Alex's breath getting more irregular.

After a few minutes she finally felt Alex's inner muscles contraction around her fingers and her juice streaming out of her.

"Good Baby, that was great. Do you want me to reciprocate?" Alex whispered still breathing heavily.

"I'm alright babe, let's just go to bed." Liv replied kissing her wife's shoulder before getting out of the bathtub.

As Alex was laying in be dent to her wife, she realized it was the first time she actually forced herself to have sex with Liv. But it work, Liv looked quiet and in peace, with hadn't happened since the shooting.

**So guys, should I continue this story or not?As always if you're not into my story anymore I will just stop right here :) thank you!**


	58. What's in a name?

**Hey Guys, I know it's been months since I uploaded this story, I've just been obsessed with Rizzoli and Isles. I hope this chapter was worth the wait and that I'm not betraying the spirit of this story too much...**

**Chapter 58:**

**What's in a name.**

So Alex and Liv spent two weeks in Hawaii enjoying themselves, eating seas food, walking down the beach, making love. After everything they went through things finally seemed to be the way they were supposed to be, in appearance.

Alex knew that Liv loved her, but she felt she was different, getting shot changed her and not for the best. Liv was more controlling, especially in bed. She systematically refused that Alex pleasured her first and even after that barely let her touch her. Alex knew that Liv needed to regain control of her life after getting shot, actually she one exactly how it felt because she experienced the same thing when she got back from the program.

So Alex agreed to do things Liv's way without even bringing up the subject, she knew she just needed time, but it wasn't easy for her to see her like that, lost.

After two weeks in paradise it was time for the newly weds to go back to New - York. Alex had decided not to take Casey's job as Homicides' new ADA and to run the Cabot Foundation instead. Alex didn't know if Liv was ready to go back to work or if she even wanted to, all she knew was she was scared to go back . For the past fews weeks they focused on planning their wedding and getting Liv back on her feet, and they didn't really focus on Liv's emotional recovery. Alex knew that working at SVU was Liv's destiny and that there was no way she was going to give that up because she almost died.

Back in New York, Alex was busy unpacking when she suddenly felt Liv's arms around her.

"Hey Mrs Benson…" Liv murmured kissing her shoulder.

"Liv, we talked about this, Cabot - Benson." Alex smiled turning around.

"Would it really be that bad for you to take my name?"

"Of course not, but you know for professional reason, it's better if I keep my name, you know, it would be fairly unsettling for donators to deal if the Chairman of the Cabot foundation was indeed a Benson." Alex explained snaking her arms around her wife.

"Right, again with appearances. I thought you were a Benson, at least that's what you told your entire family when we came out remember?" Liv grinned taking a step back.

"Liv, please don't take this the wrong way. You know I love you and the entire city knows we're married, why is it so important for you that I take your name?"

"I don't know, I want people to know you're mine."

"They know babe, trust me , and besides since when do you care about what people think?"

"I don't, it's just that with you running your family foundation, you're going to be spending a lot of time among your social class, and I don't want to feel like a trophy wife."

"A trophy wife?"

"Yes, you know a wife that goes to charity dinners with you holding your arm, dying to make a good impression, like a stupid trophy."

"Oh God Liv, you're never going to be that kind of wife!I've seen those wives, standing at their husbands' side, mute, unable to articulate a proper opinion, that's not you Liv. I'm sure you're going to be really active in the foundation, especially if we redirect funds to help victims of abuse."

"I know…It's just when I'm around you sometimes, it's hard, people look at you, they see the money, the power…"

"And when they look at you they see the hero that you are who saved dozens of lives. Look I know you feel uncomfortable around privilege people, and I promise I'll never drag you to any charity event if you don't want to."

"Right…" Liv grunted crossing her arms on her chest showing her disproval .

"Is this why you want me to take your name?So you can feel like we're more equal?"

"Maybe, look Alex, if you don't want to take my name fine, but don't insult me by putting my name after yours, it's even Cabot or Benson, It can't be Benson- Cabot or Cabot- Benson." Liv replied rising her voice.

"Liv, would you just try to be reasonable please?"

"Why should I?So I can let you insult me like that?What's next Alex?Will we be naming our children Cabot as well because your daddy doesn't want your family name to disappear with him or because you're going to be the one carrying them so obviously they 're going to be more yours then mine?" Liv chuckled feeling her pulse rise.

"Wow, Liv, what ever is going on needs to stop right now. We'll name our children with both our names and we'll put yours first if that's so important for you."

"So what's acceptable for your kids isn't for you?"

"Look, I don't want to fight on you, not now, I'm exhausted." Alex replied walking towards the door.

"Do not walk away from me." Liv hissed grabbing Alex's arms as she was about to cross the door.

"Let go of me, I'm going to take a walk and I suggest you take a cold shower, because I'm not planning of fighting when I get back." Alex said escaping Liv's grip as she walked towards the door leaving Liv behind.

Liv stood there angry, which wasn't like her. Alex and her argued, hell that's how they fell in love, it wasn't a big deal, it was part of they dynamic, but she never felt angry at her. Part of her was thankful that Alex left because she knew it would have gotten worse.

"What's going on with me?That's not me, I'm not the angry or controlling type."Liv said to herself as she crawled in bed her head on Alex's pillow.

Alex decided to take a ride and go to her dad's , who was out of town, she was so tired from the flight that she needed to sleep. She knew Liv had developed control issues since the shooting but she didn't expect it to go that far. She was split between giving Liv what she wanted and drawing a line. She knew that if she didn't impose her opinions and desires and if she let Liv impose her wishes on this particular issue, nothing would stop her from going further next time.

She loved Liv she really did, and she was determined to help her, after all she had done for her in the past it was the least she could do. She knew how Liv felt, the anger, feeling of being powerless and she remembered how mean and unfair she was when she was going through the same phase. She knew that it wasn't going to be a pleasure cruise, but Liv needed her and she wasn't about to give up on her, not after the months Liv spent supporting her and waiting for her.


	59. The dream

**Chapter 59 :**

**The dream: **

"Liv, baby, wake up." Alex said slightly shaking Liv who had fallen asleep.

"What?What's going on?" Liv mumbled opening her eyes.

"You fell asleep in the cab back from the airport, we're almost home." Alex smiled marveling at her wife's waking face.

"Oh God I think I just had the worst nightmare ever." Liv replied siting up trying to wake herself up.

"Here we are ladies, it will be 63 please."

"Here you go, please keep the change." Alex replied handing him a few bills.

"Thank you, let me get your luggage."

So Liv and Alex entered their house, going straight to their bedroom to drop their suit cases.

"We don't have to do this now you know." Alex whispered snaking her arms around Liv' s waists as she was starting to unpack.

"You're right can we talk?" Liv asked turning around sitting on the edge of their bed.

"About that nightmare that you had?" Alex asked wrapping her arms around Liv's neck.

"Yes, I dreamed that we had an argument, we were here in our bedroom unpacking and I called you Mrs Benson and you corrected me saying Cabot Benson. After that I went ballistic on you because you wouldn't take my name, you wanted it behind yours…"

"Oh Liv, come to bed." Alex replied crawling in bed dragging Liv with her.

"I don't know what crossed my mind, you were telling me that because you were going to run your family foundation you needed to keep your name and you attempted to leave the room and I grabbed you, I saw the fear in your eyes, I'm so sorry."

"Just breathe, first of all it was only a dream, don't worry I'm planning on taking your name. I actually have a meeting with my lawyer next week to start the procedure. I love you and I and I want to officially be a Benson."

"Really, how about the foundation?"

"Well I guess it's going to be unsettling for donators to deal with me if I don't keep my name, you know the head of the Cabot foundation being a Benson, so how about Benson-Cabot?"

"I would love that. You know I would never physically hurt you right?"

"Of course I do, i wouldn't have married you otherwise."

"You know, I just feel out of control since I got shot. I feel like I'm not myself anymore and I don't know how to come back from this."

"I know exactly how it feels , I know what it's like to be shot and seeing your like flashing in front of your eyes , but you're not alone Liv. I'm here, I'm your wife and you can always count on me."

"I'm not the woman you fell in love with, I don' t even know if I want to go back to work."

"I'm not the woman you fell in love either, I have changed and so did you but what we feel for each other that will never change. As for work, you don't need to go back if you don't want to."

"Would you still love me if I wasn't a cop?"

"Of course I would Liv, I don't love you for the badge and gun, even if it's extremely sexy. I love you because you're the strongest, most compassionate, most devoted woman I ever met in my life. When I'm next to you I feel safe and that has nothing to do with your gun, it's you Liv, you make me feel safe and loved. "

"What would I do If I'm not a cop?"

"I don't know, maybe you can teach at the academy, or you could work with me at the Foundation, you know I'm planning on redirection the donations to help victims of abuse, and I would definitely need you to do that."

"Really?"

"Of course, you know our foundation has always been supporting arts, medical research, and education, so trust me when I say that convincing the board to extend our donations to victims of sexual abuse won't be easy. I'm going to need your help to convince them."

"You're right, I have been on the filed I know what kind of structures and help victims need that the public system doesn't provide. I would be happy to help you, we make such a great team."

"You're right, well don't feel like you need to go back to any kind of work, you could stay home and raise our kids, be a stay home mom."

"Alexandra Benson, are you suggesting that we should start a family?We've only been married for 17 days.."

"I know, but I think we wasted enough time don't you?"

"I think we could have been together earlier, that's for sure, but you know I'm not…you know myself, don't you want to wait until I'm recover?"

"Liv, I love you, I know it's going to take time for you to go back on your feet and I think that having a child might help you . You know feeling responsible for our child, taking care of it, might help you see the good things instead of focusing on the bad things. It might boost your self confidence."

"I think you're right, but I don't rush into this, we both need to be ready for it."

"I am, it's all I ever wanted, being your wife and carrying your child."

"I think I like that idea, feeling a little Benson growing inside you, I mean a little cabot, god knows we wouldn't want him or her to have my genes…"

"Liv…"

"I know, I'm the leaving proof that genes aren't everything. I really want a baby that looks like you hopefully he or she will inherit the donor's character."

"Liv!"

"I'm sorry. So what do you say should we try to have a baby?"

"I think we should enjoy being married for at least a year first but yes we could consider it."

"Alright then, we'll wait for a year, you're right , I don't want to have to share you yet, we just got married."

The newly weds spent the night in bed cuddling, talking about their future. Liv knew she couldn't leave SVU like that, that she needed to consider carefully, but the more she considered it the les it scared her. Working with Alex at her foundation would be a way to help victims. Often she felt frustrated after catching criminals not knowing what happened to their victims after the trial. Working with Alex she would be able to take care and help victims after the system had given them the justice they needed.

**I know guys, that was lame...But I figured that If I keep on bringing the drama this story will never end and besides this dream was enough for Liv to realize she needed to put her life together. **

**I felt a lack of interest for last chapter so if you want me to continue please review!**


End file.
